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FORUMS General Discussions Swinger Advice Things you would tell new people entering the lifestyle
TOPIC: Things you would tell new people entering the lifestyle
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I think it could be useful for couples with rules upon rules to have a contract and referee in the room! lol

Aloha OR
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1. Remember, its about having fun.

2. If the lady ain't happy, nobody will be. In my experience, the women run the lifestyle.

3. Prepare to evolve. Experiences will foster growth both in social and sexual interactions and comfort. Yesterday's rule may not apply to todays rule

4. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. Especially before play and after play. A standard 'debrief' should be part of the process after play.

5. Respect various points of view. Don't judge. Embrace diversity.

Emeryville CA
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Mrs New

Swinging as a couple HAS to be a COUPLE activity. You have to be on the same page. You have to both want to do it.

Doing something to just please your man will do nothing but make you resent him. Especially if you are uncomfortable viewing something.

Be careful of too many rules, especially if you are meeting another couple without the same rules. Once you get in bed, things just take on a course of their own. Especially with experienced couples. Once you start throwing in "You can touch this but not that, you can kiss here but not there, she cant touch him, but he can touch her, and them two cant touch" somewhere during the time someone is going to cross those lines, completely innocently but it will happen.

We avoid couples with those types of rules because it makes us feel that they are not totally comfortable and have some jealousy issues and we dont like to have to keep notes and be careful during our activities.

Preferences, and things youre not quite into is one thing. Heavy rules is another.

We;re a both bi couple. We play with straight couples. The only thing I have to remember is not to touch him. Easy.

But we have gone to dinner with couples before where they start rattling off.....Its ok for your wife to go down on my wife, but she doesnt reciprocate. You can touch her but no kissing. Sex is ok but shes not allowed to go down on you. You can finger her but no oral "thats between us" and she doesnt really want to touch another guys penis. And you can have sex with her but she has to be going down on me at the same time.

Oh. And with your wife, anything goes.

THATs just a little warning flag that says....."Mhmm, this may not go well"

Mount Juliet TN
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Mrs, Totalbabe is totally correct! Communication is everything and if you do it for him, it's more than likely just a matter of time before you start to resent it and him. I can't count the number of couples we've met that tried swinging as a way to save their relationship or one of them are in it just to make the other one happy. Is this something you want to try? What would seeing him with another woman mean to you? Would you be wondering if he loved her? I'm a little late to this discussion but I hope all is well. ~C

Niceville FL
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There are a lot of soft swap couples out there that would love to lightly play then watch. You just have to reach out and find them.


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Then that's your stipulation. Do you think he is willing to do just that. If so, it looks like you two can have a lot of fun!


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Mrsnew, it doesn't sound like your ready. A couple can dictate exactly what they want to do, full swap, soft swap, no males, no females, whatever you two decide. But the key words are "you two". You can't do this just to make him happy. It won't work. Talk with him and let him know he can't have sex with another woman, see what he says. If he's ok with it, you can try. I just don't think this sounds good.


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we love the club we go to because we can always be watched and we have been told we put on a hellova good show..

Whether we find friends to play with or not when we go to the club we know theres going to be sex involved with each other.. whether we find friends to join doesn't matter one way or the other... we love swinging and would love to ALWAYS play with others, but if you go with the "no expectations other than your partner" theres no disappointments...

Lancaster OH
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Don't be scared. The only time I had the oppurtunity at a club, we closed the door. I wish we would have left it open, I would have liked to have people watch. Oh well, lessons learned.


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We agree with angel :)

For us it's about exciting and fun sex. Friendship is a nice bonus for us and we like to meet at clubs. At clubs, what you see is what you get and if you don't happen to hook up with new friends, you can always get busy with your partner in new and interesting ways.

It can be a lot of fun getting nekid in a dark corner, in a room full of people, or even right up at the bar. Plus it's usually a good conversation starter [ whoa she knows what she's doing! ] It's all about having fun ~

Bensalem PA
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TOPIC: Things you would tell new people entering the lifestyle