Things went wrong: Swingers Discussion 194368

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TOPIC: Things went wrong

Created by: LevnUni Original Starting post for this thread:
hi Folks, my wife and I are fairly new to swinging. We 've been with one couple(3 yrs ago) and a single guy recently(oral only) and things just went wrong. The single male got bent out of shape (after only knowing us for 2 weeks) when we had to cancel our 3sum with him. My kids and I were sick with flu, and my wife was having second thoughts about him for various reasons. So we cancelled and my wife sent him an email listing in detail why she and I were not interested in him. She wrote it as I was vomiting at the time lol xD. Well things really went bad after that. He has posted in his profile that we are bald faced liars and that we used him etc. He called me Spineless in a private email etc. I respect my wife, and if she's not comfortable with a person then we don't participate. I don't think he understood this though. We tried to be clear to him and seeing that I was sick at the time it would not have been great time (as we always do same room and together) . my wife felt like a piece of meat to him and she told him so. Now he has his profile ramped up as major complaint of us. So my question is this " how do we handle this?" We think he may have jeopardized our chances to meet new people via slander and bad reputation. As relative newbies to Lifestyle, we do not want to want to do that. Any advice?

Created by: LevnUni
Original Starting post for this thread:

hi Folks,

my wife and I are fairly new to swinging. We 've been with one couple(3 yrs ago) and a single guy recently(oral only) and things just went wrong. 

The single male got bent out of shape (after only knowing us for 2 weeks) when we had to cancel our 3sum with him. My kids and I were sick with flu, and my wife was having second thoughts about him for various reasons. So we cancelled and my wife sent him an email listing in detail why she and I were not interested in him. She wrote it as I was vomiting at the time lol xD.

Well things really went bad after that. He has posted in his profile that we are bald faced liars and that we used him etc. He called me Spineless in a private email etc.

I respect my wife, and if she's not comfortable with a person then we don't participate. I don't think he understood this though. We tried to be clear to him and seeing that I was sick at the time it would not have been great time (as we always do same room and together) .  my wife felt like a piece of meat to him and she told him so. Now he has his profile ramped up as major complaint of us. So my question is this  

" how do we handle this?"

We think he may have jeopardized our chances to meet new people via slander and bad reputation. As relative newbies to Lifestyle, we do not want to want to do that.  Any advice?

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User Details are only visible to members.	LevnUni, first I would report his profile and ask that your information be removed from his profile IMMEDIATELY. He has absolutely no right to do that, it shows his maturity level right there. As far as the rest, well....fuck him. Not literally. Forget him, next his ass like you did. Even IF you were not ill and just did not want to see him again, what business is it to his ass? You owe no explanation and you damn sure do not owe him an apology. Report him, block him and next. Done.
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23665 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	These situations are another reason I prefer to go to clubs.
Spring TX			Username hidden (1853 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	great posts... and welcome to the forums fishincouple! :)
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Well LevnUni, it is very unfortunate that you had to experience this type of crud while you guys are still feeling like you are just getting your feet wet. There has been much good advice posted here. To repeat, first thing.. BLOCK this guy. Second, put him totally out of your mind. You will never cross paths with him. However, learn from the experience. If by chance you do run in to him (and you know its him or he knows its you), just turn the other way. There are many, many very nice people in this lifestyle. You and your spouse make the decision regarding who you want to meet and who you don't. You need not explain anything to anyone, ever. A polite 'Our plans have changed' or 'We don't seem to be a good fit' or whatever is all you ever need to do. Don't let this idiot drag your opinion of this lifestyle down. It's great fun, no commitments and more great fun!!!
Merritt Island FL			Username hidden (7 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I'm not going to say that an explanation is unwarranted automatically. For us, it depends on the relationship. If it's someone we barely know and they throw attitude, they get "fuck off and die". On the other hand, if we've played, everything went well, planning to play again, then that changes things for us and we would offer an explanation as a courtesy to a "friend". Unfortunately, as we recently learned, sometimes even when you try to be nice, some will act like jackasses anyway.
Port Canaveral FL			Username hidden (3472 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	This guy sounds like a complete ass!!! Your wife went with her gut feeling, and called it before the madness really insued! Just block the looser and move on, you owe him nothing!! Word of advice thou, people within this lifestyle talk... it is kind of like high school drama multiplied times 10. This is the sad reality... So always continue to be polite as well as dicrete, because you never know who is talking, or listening:) Good luck to you y'all... ~Mrs. Welikcpls
Milwaukee WI			Username hidden (21 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	You owe nobody an explanation beyond a polite note explaining that you have no further interest. End of story. If someone demands an explanation and gets indignant, that's their issue and not yours. I doubt that you've harmed your reputations in the swinging world. Most people here understand that, as new swingers, you're still testing the waters and moving slowly and they'll make allowances. Don't sweat the uncouth behavior of some people and don't let anyone stampede you into doing anything that you're not both comfortable with. Beyond that...Have Fun! :-)
Fairview Heights IL			Username hidden (635 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	You owe nobody an explanation beyond a polite note explaining that you have no further interest. End of story. If someone demands an explanation and gets indignant, that's their issue and not theirs. I doubt that you've harmed your reputations in the swinging world. Most people here understand that, as new swingers, you're still testing the waters and moving slowly and they'll make allowances. Don't sweat the uncouth behavior of some people and don't let anyone stampede you into doing anything that you're not both comfortable with. Beyond that...Have Fun! :-)
Fairview Heights IL			Username hidden (635 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I agree with most of the others. With singles, just our preference, but we avoid getting too close and too friendly. Other than checking compatibility in the bedroom, we dont want to "get to know" single people. We arent looking to make friends, or bring a new person into our lives beyond using them as a sex toy in our relationship. Sounds blunt, but it works out great. And we;re honest about it. So we wouldnt have sent a detailed explanation. When youre getting a divorce, you owe your partner a detailed explanation if they have invested time in a relationship with you. But someone you havent met in person yet.......A simple "We're going to hold off on meeting" would suffice. Thats the danger of meeting strangers. You dont know who you are meeting and dont know if theyre nuts. Many times we want to give people a piece of our mind when they communicate with us and we find it offensive....But we usually take the mild road and just peacefully end or avoid contact without specifics. So even a little white lie "My husband and I are going to hold off for a while, we're not ready" Can solve the problem without insulting anyone whether you intended to or not
Mount Juliet TN			Username hidden (662 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Take comfort in knowing he likely reacted that way because he's not getting anything from anywhere else and was desperate. Most people aren't going to read his profile to begin with, and if anything, will laugh knowing he's what gives single guys a bad rap. Report his profile, block it, and move on. Instant veto is the way to go. It's about you two. Good luck. -E
Concord CA			Username hidden (2087 post)

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