Busy Swingers Forum - everything you always wanted to know about swingers.
SwingLifeStyle Swingers Personal Ads. | SwingLifeStyle Swingers Clubs

Busy Swingers Forum

Everything you always wanted to know about swingers.

Create A Free Account

HELP
FORUMS General Discussions Swinger Advice Taking one for the team
TOPIC: Taking one for the team
Created by: hellokitty1969 The original post for this thread was deleted.
GoTo Page: 1 2
 1 to 10 of 16   End
User Details are only visible to members.
Sweet, Allswell,

You are both absolutely correct..that is why it is such a very personal thing.

Steve

Rowlett TX
Username hidden
(96 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
:I would say it really depends on why you swing. For us: neither of us has a need or desire to be intimate alone with an other person, our pleasure comes from sharing the experience together.:

Sweet, we totally agree! People come into the lifestyle for all sorts of reasons. Some just because they love having sex with others. If it is just about sex, then separate rooms should not be an issue for you.

For us, the lifestyle has brought us closer. Neither of us has the desire to be alone with someone else. It is not a matter of trust, it is just not what we want. The ability to watch each other with someone else is a huge thrill for us. Separate rooms defeat that purpose.

Don't get me wrong. We do not look down on those that do the separate room thing. It's just not what we want. To each their own. If someone contacts us for separate rooms only, that would simply be another incompatibility for us to say no.

Endwell NY
Username hidden
(54 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Allswell, Sweet,

Very deep subjects that could be discussed for hours!

One of my (Steve) pet peeves is abuse of the English language and I, too, abhor messages from adults that read like a 5 year old wrote them. Words are the most powerful tools you have. For gosh sakes, how hard is it to run spell check before you send?

Question. Isn't the lifestyle supposed to be about acceptance and diversity?

Our observations in the lifestyle have been that the "Inequality of Attractiveness" as I like to call it, is more the norm in our particular category and usually the woman is gorgeous while the guy is less appealing. Big kudos to the guy for winning the heart of his Queen! However, lets face it, first impressions are very important and looks ARE important to most swingers. To some swingers, looks are the ONLY consideration.

Personally, we prefer couples and/or singles who have self esteem, pride, and good hygiene along with personality as a start. A great smile is one of the most beautiful things and we love the opportunity to learn something new from a couple we just met!. Don't you agree?

As for the subject of "Separate Rooms" well, that is a very personal and deeply sensitive area. I will simply say it does go to the very core of the relationship and touches on comfort, trust and security.

Steve...and Kaitlan

Rowlett TX
Username hidden
(96 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Thanks sweet for the reply.

Maybe we do look for more things to turn us off than on. I guess we look for those that are most similar to us, in looks and attitude. The couples that we've been with that fit that have been our best times. When we've been with a couple that are not that similar to us, we have pretty much regretted the experience.

As we only play once or twice a year, maybe three times if we are lucky, we don't have the luxury of much experimenting. The experience that we have had, has made us more picky.

And I agree, no one that I have been with is sexier than my wife :) I consider this lifestyle more of a way to show her off and not a way to find a replacement for her. That's why we only do same room and never separate rooms. I don't even understand separate rooms. The best part of this lifestyle is to watch each other. That's the biggest turn on I get.

Endwell NY
Username hidden
(54 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
rowlett, We'll have to agree to disagree on that subject ;)

quiggy, I think profiles that state "we want both partners attractive" is not what they actually mean. As attraction is in the eye of the beholder, what they probably meant was "we want to be attracted to both of you". Being attractive is subjective, but being attracted to is more definite.

We are more on the picky side. We need to have a full attraction to both parties. My wife told me that she doesn't want to watch me with someone she finds unattractive. This makes it very difficult to find people that we would play with. There have been couples we turned down that look very attractive, but there's just something about them that turns one of us off. Attraction has to do with more than just looks. One of the most unattractive things we get are emails with most the words misspelled, and grammar sounding like a 3 year old. We don't care what you look like, if you can't talk like a grown up, we want nothing to do with you.

Endwell NY
Username hidden
(54 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Sweettart,

You are dead on! Nothing makes you feel resentment more than knowing someone used you for their agenda.

Steve

Rowlett TX
Username hidden
(96 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
allswell,

Thank you for your reply and opinion and rest assured, I speak only for myself at all times. You are correct in my assessment that if a man does indeed have sex with a woman then he is not "taking one for the team". She may not be the most attractive or appealing woman but you still found some reason to become aroused which means that you indeed did want to have sex with her. Consequently, if you wanted to have sex, you are not taking one for the team.

Again, it is just my humble opinion.

Steve

Rowlett TX
Username hidden
(96 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
rowlett, please speak for yourself. Because a guy can most definitely take one for the team.

I guess it's a matter of what your definition is for taking one for the team. If you can get it up and get it in then you didn't take one for the team is your definition, then I guess you are correct.

I can just watch my wife enjoying herself with someone else to get me aroused. If I concentrate on her, then I could have sex with someone else that I have no attraction for. But that's not really fair for either myself or the person I'm with. My wife could do the same with getting wet by watching me. But that's not fair for her nor her partner.

For me, taking one for the team is to focus on the enjoyment of one while the other one just goes through the motions. That's not why we are in the lifestyle. I once suggested that I would take one for the team for her, and my wife refused, because she wouldn't be happy if I was not fully enjoying the time. It's best when all 4 involved are enjoying everything.

Endwell NY
Username hidden
(54 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Just my two cents,

In my humble opinion, "taking one for the team" is impossible for the man and the concept applies only to the woman.

if the male has no sexual interest in the woman, he cannot 'rise to the occasion', no sex occurs and therefore is not taking one for the team.

If the male is able to 'rise to the occasion', sex does occur and again, he is not taking one for the team.

Of course I am referring to penetration and not oral sex.

In our few years of swinging, we have seen way too many profiles that have "We will not take one for the team!" written in bold. Is it really necessary or even polite to actually print this? it seems that it would be a natural conclusion once y'all have met to either take it to the next level if the chemistry is there or not. it is just understood.

Again, in my very humble opinion, to actually state this comment in a profile shows conceit, shallowness and arrogance. You are stating that you are intolerant and judgemental and will only play with whom you feel is good looking enough for you. Is this the first impression you want others to have?

We are all diverse and have different personalities, therefore you never know if the attraction is there or not until you actually meet.

Steve

Rowlett TX
Username hidden
(96 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Taking one for the team seems like a bad idea. But in this case, if we're understanding you correctly, you were both attracted to the female half of the other couple. You just weren't clicking with the other guy. So what it really came down to was whether or not you were willing to let the guy have a little fun with you so that you (and your bf/hubby) could get down with the lady. So it's not like you didn't get anything out of it yourself. You still got to play with the other lady, right? Because if that's the case, then you weren't taking one for the team, you were just making a compromise on the guy so you could play with the girl.

Danville PA
Username hidden
(3207 posts)
GoTo Page: 1 2
 1 to 10 of 16   End
TOPIC: Taking one for the team