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Standards too high What to do : Swingers Discussion 202935
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TOPIC: Standards too high What to do
Created by: WMisonewfriends
Original Starting post for this thread:
I'm in a great relationship with an assume woman. She is very kinky and pretty open minded. She and I have enjoy several MFM. The issue that we have recently started talking about is her standards for judging kissability or fuckability.

Most of us can agree that a large part of swinging is about attraction/fantasy and fun(sex). A lot of what makes this fun is having that attraction... that ego boast when someone you find attractive is interested in you... At least that's how I think...

Ok... So what happens when your partner has such high standards that she rules just about everyone out? She is looking for attraction in both sides of the couple since she's bi. She is looking for something special about them (heck if I have figured it out yet), but she seems to gravitate toward couples that are edgy or GQ models or the 20year olds or some quality that I have yet to understand, but don't match to those listed already. So have any other couples gone thru something like this? How or did you get your partner to lower her or his standards a bit? No I'm not talking anything major, just down to average or above for what you expect in the 25-40 age bracket. Perhaps not "HOT" but "cute"..? Or did you eventually find the "HOT" that you both were interested in? For the most part the ones she has shown me haven't been interested in us or the schedules have been two hectic to meet. So I pose this question to the group in hopes of finding some solution to get her to be open to more possibilities than just the couples that she thinks of as "HOT".

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I can kind of relate!! The Mr is super picky, his standards are very high, I'm not sure I would even meet them! :P

That being said - he knows it and is more open after this revelation :)

Everyone is attracted to different things. I love reading a profile and getting a sense of their personality - I'll pick wit and a sense of humor over a sexy body any day. But hubby is always more attracted to the physical and that's fine too :)

Oakley CA
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I am picky..but also I can identify with Losts post below. We have been out with couples and decent chemistry is going on, till some women have gotten insecure. I don't have to be the prettiest girl in the room, but when you are that girl, other women can turn on you...I've had it happen. To me sexy comes from inside and insecurity is not sexy. My hunny has never asked me to take one for the team, and I haven't to him, we make a polite exit, and that is that...

Oakland TN
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There is no amount of love on earth that would make me even dream of asking my spouse to take one for team, nor he me. I can not imagine how much I'd hate myself afterward. I could NEVER wash that away, never.

Allenhurst NJ
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Love and generosity will make your partner say Do not take one for the team. When I had a S/O in the lifestyle it was always his line " well you dont know he may be good in bed" I had to explain over and over He will not be good in bed because I am not attracted to him. Single is so much easier. Less stress. Way less bullshit.

Spring TX
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Sweettart...I'm happy that that approach works for you as a couple. Not to make a bad pun, but 'different strokes for different folks'. (grin) It's well known that what works well for one couple can be poison for another, and vice versa. I was simply pointing out a possible alternative and asking if they'd considered it. No accusations that one way is right and another way is wrong.


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There's no rule that says couples may only play as couples, with other couples. ------------------------------------------

Sure there is. It's on page 678 of the Swingers Big Book of Rules.

Whitehouse Station NJ
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It's not fair to ask your partner to lower their standards to meet your expectations. Is it safe to assume that, as a couple, you only play with other couples when there's a 4-way attraction? That's really not very common, you know. Have you considered playing separately? As in...you can play with someone else's wife ever if your wife isn't attracted to the husband? Or your wife can play with someone else's husband while you and the other wife just chat? There's no rule that says couples may only play as couples, with other couples.


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4 out of 5 couple WE turn down is because the my wife finds the woman too attractive...lol"

hahahaha damn. I was told this just THIS week by a hubby LOL. He said "Im into you and the wife thinks you are sweet...and there is no easy way to say this...but she said no because she has to be the prettiest girl in the room (in her eyes, looks being relative). You make her feel uneasy because she does not feel as pretty with you around, and she picks our playmates."

I thanked him for his honesty.

San Marcos TX
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Oh yeah. The dope thread. I remember. She's kind of cute.

Whitehouse Station NJ
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He's not, he's part of a couple right here:

kinksterhere

He started the thread about 420 in the Open forums ;)

Allenhurst NJ
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TOPIC: Standards too high What to do