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TOPIC: Seeking sincere, serious profile input
Created by: maritimers
Original Starting post for this thread:
I suspect it's been awhile since most of the thoughtful, mature folk in these fora have had a chance to usher sincere newcomers through the complex maze of "alternative lifestyle." As a public service to all you creative thinkers, I have recast my profile, exposing additional light... Soliciting your input.

For those with good reading comprehension and the inclination to form and share opinions, please have at it. I expect probing questions and hard-hitting advice; I recognize the distinction between critical analysis and knee-jerk criticism. Bring it all.

I hope it is clear that my goal is not to attract many, but with real precision to attract even one or a few. If the dialogue is worthy, I wonder if I might not construct a profile so true that I attract nobody?

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Hey Kind, thanks for feeding back.

Yeah, the profile is too long, I'll edit some more later.

All communication presumes on others' time. I'm cool that only a very few will read.

Amherst Canada
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Thread moved here from Open Forum

Coral Springs FL
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Thanks Fun, good comments, great questions. I changed the description further in response to the points stated and implicit in your post. I do get that I am not likely to actually attract playmates this way. C'est la vie.

NYC Lady is not a party to the account and I go out on a limb suggesting that she might welcome introductions. She has a profile up on the big free fishy dating site as well as on the paid marriage-minded matchy site, and keeps feeling disappointed, after much work, to meet great guys who run and hide when they hear she desires a poly relationship.

I have told her that if she is truly desires an open relationship with me, perhaps she would have better luck searching for other lovers on SLS. Prejudice likely tricks her into thinking a higher percentage of single guys here would be sleazier than the ones on other sites; I think she has the upside down. I also wonder if there would be coupled men on here who could still offer her the meaningful connection she desires. (I am not unmindful that some married women would not want their man near that with a ten-foot pole, but that's just another generalization.)

Ms. Maritimer is on this site with me with eyes and mind wide open. (I'll pass on the obvious pun.) She does not object to me playing in any permutation, and she has only played with me with other couples. In all cases, she definitely assigns me the role of "gatekeeper" on SLS. Up until now she has always pursued her autonomous romantic interests elsewhere.

I am far from a perfectionist, just fairly persistent in seeking continuous improvement - especially when the process feels creative and stimulating.

Amherst Canada
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Maritimers, I only skimmed over the other comments earlier because they made no sense to me without being able to see your profile; just one of the problems in having a discussion in the dark, so to speak. Now that I've looked at your profile (as revised), I concur that it is eloquently written. But I detect that you have a perfectionist streak, so here is a critique. 

Usually I prefer the first "we are looking for" section of a profile to give a clear summary of what the person is seeking, with a description of the seeker(s) deferred to, of all things, the "Description" section. But your situation is unusual, so I agree that it's helpful to  start with some description of your relationships. 

That said, there are so many permutations of what you appear to be seeking, that even the eloquence of your writing doesn't make it entirely clear. I take it you are seeking to go solo to meet women and couples; that you and Ms. M seek couples (or maybe also single men and women); that Ms.  NYC (I prefer NYC to UWS) primarily seeks men; and that both of the ladies are open to meeting other men, either one-on-one or possibly with you present. It also appears, but is unclear, that you are the "gatekeeper" for them to meet other men through this profile. 

It's almost too much to be covered in a single profile without being cumbersome. Have either of your ladies  considered setting up their own profiles as single females, with cross-references to your profile? I know that other couples do this often. If one of them (particularly Ms. NYC) did this, it would enable you to offload a lot from your profile to hers, streamlining both. It also would allow her profile to have exposure in the NYC area. Just a thought. 

I would have some other suggestions, depending on your reaction to the comments above. 

Belle Chasse LA
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Maritimers, your profile does look great, as others have said. The only thing I can say to help is to tell you how to copy and paste in the forums:

highlight the text you want to copy, hit CTRL C to copy, then CTRL V to paste. Voila!

Sheboygan Falls WI
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Kat, USAir flies Philly to Halifax direct two or three times most days. You know what they say about dreams deferred... Thanks for the kind comments. Was really not thinking about attracting anyone, just wanted to go through the exercise.

Next week I will post a lot of photos...

...of the area for all you travel dreamers.

Will add a few personal shots too.

RDY, I am humbled by the outpouring of wisdom and wit that I have been enjoying all week.

Cinci, thanks for the compliment.

Fun, I am still bracing...

Ms. M is coming over soon, fire is roaring, drinks to pour, the wind drives freezing rain against the metal roof in pitter-patter gusts. Feel'n the love all, thanks!

Amherst Canada
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D- that was longest bout of vacuuming EVER. I'm thinking you got distracted by something more fun... Spill it, girl- was he cute?

Cincinnati OH
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The ladies are correct. You can make your profile invisible to any class of members --couples, males, or females-- but then email them. Once they reply to your email, your profile is visible to them even though it remains invisible generally.

I learned this the hard way, when couples who blocked males would email me, asking if I was interested. I'd try to look at their profile but find it blocked to males, and reply to that effect. Then lo and behold, their profile suddenly became visible, and I looked like an idiot, or liar, or both.

After that I reported this to the site people, who were unaware of this quirk, and they documented it in the help section.

Belle Chasse LA
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"Does friending someone open up the profile to them?"

I do not think so but then some of the subtleties of this site continue to elude me. An e-mail exchange would open up your profile to the gentleman in question. I have nothing brilliant or even mundane to add to your profile review but I do enjoy your writing style.

Cincinnati OH
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Fun, I'm sure you'd have plenty to offer - and don't worry if your observations would be less-than-constructive, I have plenty of "yes men" in my life, and my ass is far too sensitive to want people blowing smoke up it all the time.

As far as "shame," it might seem a dramatic word to some, but really just reflected my gut reaction to your first mail, which was to feel silly for excluding some of the most creative voices on the site. I got over the feeling faster than I could process it and then smiled in appreciation of the quick wit and well-timed delivery behind that message. (Now maybe it's your ass that is getting smoky.)

Does friending someone open up the profile to them?

Amherst Canada
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TOPIC: Seeking sincere, serious profile input