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Rude members : Swingers Discussion 332011011
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we answer most, but, we live in Ill and if we get posts from other states we read them but don't ususally answer, except, I sure did get a great compliment from someone in Tn and we are now corresponding, both female of couples, and not about sex, about life, kids, work, politics and other things, she's just great and we are going to meet them, not because of sex, but because of personaliity. and, I for one, don't find the mailbox very user friendly here as the IM isn't either. So, there are valid reasons, but i have gotten rude responses to my first contacts from those who think they are all that and a bag of chips. NOT

Frankfort IL
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It's been helpful to read some of these posts, particularly Jen's (seXXnpassion) about how to respectfully decline someone's offer to chat or meet when you're either not interested or truly just not able to find the time. We're fairly new here, and this has been the biggest struggle for us so far. We really are concerned about not hurting people's feelings. We've found the reply that works the best for us is a very honest one- "We do appreciate your email and your interest, but we're currently in contact with several couples and aren't interested at this time....good luck with your search!" We also read the posts from people who delay replying to emails until their partner has had a chance to look it over, too, and we've been finding that a quick note explaining that the other needs to read it before we reply works well for us. Most people so far have expressed appreciation for letting them know that we did receive it and aren't just ignoring it. I can certainly understand the reasons people might not reply to emails- lack of interest, awkwardness about saying no thanks, time constraints, unexpected life circumstances- but in my opinion, if I have the time to open it, I can find the time to reply to it. -L.

Ithaca NY
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You know what, life is too short for me to get upset about someone not answering my email. I posted this somewhere else here...when we email someone one of us writes it in the NOTES area of their profile. We might write, "We emailed them 3-12-04." That's so we don't bug them again. Really, when people don't email it probably means they aren't interested! I take that as their answer and move on.

When we first started swinging it was painful and difficult for us to write to people and say we weren't interested. I would write a long, apologetic letter. Sometimes I would waffle..."maybe later." Now we know, just say "Thanks, we are going to pass."

When people email us, if we are sincerely interested but don't have the time/energy/etc. to meet right then we still answer and let the people know. Then we save the letter in the SAVE area here at SLS. This has actually worked out, where we met people later, and had a lot of fun.

--Jen

Reading PA
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I personally treat the chat room on here differently than I do on yahell. On yahell, yes we do require a person to ask and to read our profile before they send us a message. And to help administer that we run an anti-booter that also has a privacy feature which blocks unwanted messages. We still get the message and can still read it, but we don't have to worry about multiple windows popping up and locking our computer or yahell up. On here, we are all looking for the same thing and most (not all) are courteous to others. Here we don't worry about asking or being asked (although out of habit we still do ask for the most part). We attempt to be curteous and polite even if we aren't interested in the other party physically (it is amazing how many people you can carry on a very good coversation with and never be attracted to them sexually). Just my two cents on the matter since I have chatted on here and on other services. Zo.

Fort Worth TX
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We will not answer pms from a stranger unless they ask in the room first. I don't know how the room on this site is, we chat mostly in a yahoo room. The stream of single guys and weenie wankers is endless. They don't read profiles, they just come in the room and start pming the whole list, with such creative lines as "asl", "big cock, want see", or "I wat b ur fried". Yes we got that one once. You wouldn't see someone on the street and say "I want to say hi to you but I want to drag you to somewhere private to do so" There is usually a reason they won't say hi in public, they're up to no good.

Bedford PA
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ihorus - Agreed - I never quite understood the need for permission to PM someone in chat......

Queen Creek AZ
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i've come to realize that there are many reasons why people don't respond... and i don't care about ANY of them. we're in this for fun and i'll be damned if i impose basis rules of ediquette into my sex life! ;)

ok so it's a bummer to send an email and get ZERO response- translation: NO THANKS. whether it's "no thanks, my manners are too poor to even consider being polite" or it's "no thanks- we have other things happening and we are looking to swing right now" it doesn't matter. they are not now and never WERE my friends, and i don't necessarily expect strangers to care about how they make ME feel.

i used to view no answer to an email the same as me approaching someone in a club and saying "hello" and they look me in the face, then WALK AWAY. rude asshole!!! but now.. i've mellowed. ok so it's hard to send that email- fear of rejection makes it a huge step for some of us. but we've had enough yesses not to sweat the no's, and the no answers.

i answer every email that's more than a one liner, and i DO concern myself with how others feel. but i'm perfectly able to accept that others don't, and it makes every answered email that much nicer.

ciao,

xandria

Sterling VA
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I can see the different view points of many of the people who have written. Maybe inconciderate would have been a better word than rude. Yes time does get away from us sometimes, but we still answer all who write. If someone wants to PM us or say hello we will always answer and we do try to read all the profile before we write someone. Wish others would.LOL I guess we just like to treat others as we would like to be treated, as adults.

Thank you for all your view points.

Belle Plaine MN
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We think not replying is not rude, just inconsiderate. Even then, we don't bug. We only wish people were less uptight. So some doesn't respond to us, big deal. We figure it just means that they are busy, just some guy wishing his wife was into it (probably most common), or they just don't find us interesting. Not offended, there are lots of fish in this pond, baby!

Like another post on here we agree that it seems rude when a person obviously havn't read your profile and doesn't match at all, do they deserve a response? why yes we give them one every time...it usually consists with gee, did you quite looking at my eyes for a sec to realize that we have NOTHING in common and we stated specifically we wern't interested in your type? well Kudos for them for disreguarding our wishes with appearent dreams that we would fuck anyway! lol.

Someone saying they will meet you and not meeting is the utmost of rudness, and there should be a way of taking care of those kind of people. Never happended to us, but we have met with couples we wished he had stiffed....lol. Even then we were nice enough to chat for a while and then politely excused ourselves, telling them they were not our type. We have had nice folks do that for us as well.

oh and a pet peev we have...and we see people typing this all the time in chat and it drives us crazy... is when someone considers saying hello by PM on chat here as rude. What? Some say one should ask "permission" to PM, and that seems to be the biggest meglamaniacal thing we have ever heard. When one is walking down the street and cross paths with an attractive face does one then ask permission to say hello, lol....for christs sake, pa-leease. Rude is not saying hello. :)

Savannah GA
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We will answer all emails that we can tell they got past the pictures. We have something twice in our profile about how to address your first contact to us. If I do not see the keywords I delete it. I figure they aren't giving me the respect to actually read and see if they meet what we are looking for then I have no time to answer. On an average day we delete and don't respond to 3 emails. If you read our profile and we can tell then we answer it either way. Very rarely do we give not interested. This reason is we are also looking for friends. Even if someone doesn't look good in a picture doesn't mean they are no good. We judge things on a who you are basis not a what you look like. Guess it all boils down to respect. We give what we get.

Bridgeport PA
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TOPIC: Rude members