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Question for the ladies about impotence : Swingers Discussion 1937891031
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TOPIC: Question for the ladies about impotence
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Now that I reread what I wrote I see I came across harsh. That was unfair.

I totally agree there is a place for everyone. This is afterall all about fun. I think especially as you get older, this is something that can be discussed and is probably not a deal breaker for everyone.

The few experiences we had with erection problems were not medical but probably more anxiety, shyness, or whatever reason. In those cases when you have a young 20 something guy that cant get it up or keep it up, it gets really awkward.

For a period of time my wife had gained a lot of weight that she has recently lost and is still losing so for a few years she was self conscious about her body. So when a guy would join us and lose or not get an erection, she felt embarrassed and here we were, 3 of us naked in bed kind of twiddling our thumbs.

I do think that if someone knows they have a problem, that mentioning it in advance is the right thing to do. That would save the awkwardness and the other people involved would be aware that it may happen and just go along with other things and not make a big deal out of it.

But having it happen in the heat of the moment with no warning, its hard to convince the lady or couple "its me, not you"

Again. Im sorry for coming off wrong. Theres plenty of room for everyone on this bus...lol

Mount Juliet TN
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I agree with Chimera, and realized when I read the ages of Joey and Chimera, that it's a generational difference of opinion. Not to stereotype, but seems like younger swingers will indeed need/want that hard pounding cock each and every time, but more ahem, "seasoned" swingers will also appreciate a nice long session of orgasms and play, meaning penetration, if things go that way, or can also mean fingers, hands, mouths, toys, etc.

I still maintain that while I like a good hard fuck, my best most intense orgasms come from being touched just right. And if there is a "problem" with a guy's erection, we can still have a good time. And I too would appreciate that "it wasn't you" explanation, just don't go on and on about it, keep it simple, and don't bring it up again. Things happen. Or don't happen. No big deal.

The implants are entirely your decision, your body. But don't do it for anyone else but you and your own partner.

Good luck, and have fun.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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I have diabetes. At age 50, I suffer from profound ED. For several years, even drugs like Cialis, Levitra, and Viagra didn't help me. At one point my doctor had me taking 5 Viagra at a time, and still... nothing. I quit taking the drugs because I couldn't bear the flu-like symptoms that became worse and worse as I took more and more, higher and higher doses.

My wife was, as you can imagine, supportive and understanding.

During that time, I refused to take part in the lifestyle. Sure, I could still please a woman orally, but I felt like even if I disclosed the fact that I couldn't get an erection, it somehow wouldn't be fair to the other parties involved. I even allowed my wife to play alone with others because I couldn't get an erection to please her.

Later I encountered another gentleman who suffered from ED, and he disclosed that to us before we met. For the first time, I was on the other side of that disclosure, and to be honest with you, his problem didn't bother me, or my wife, one bit.

Looking back, I think I was too harsh on myself. My problem was just that, a problem. I was hard on myself about it, but I should have realized that there are people out there for everyone, in every condition.

My urologist was about to schedule me for penile implant surgery. We were literally just a couple of weeks away from my going under the knife. Then my brother put me in touch with a doctor who was able to custom blend for me an injectable that works really, really well. And the injection is virtually painless.

My ED problem has been resolved, I can now get and maintain full, firm erections that last for usually about 3 hours or so, without fail. Now that I had it, lost it, and gotten it back, my advice is: don't be so harsh on yourself. People are a lot more understanding than you think.

Riverview FL
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I am a little troubled by the implication in several posts that without a rigid erection a guy has no business in the lifestyle. One of life's truisms is that "nobody is everybody's cup of tea -- but everybody is somebody's cup of tea!" I have seen profiles where the men freely admitted that they had ED probs, but were experts with fingers and tongues -- and I bet that there are lots of women who would say "That's good enuf for me, dadgummit!!" Mrs. Chim and I are still in the game, although -- at our level of seasoning -- not the jackrabbits we were in our 20s and 30s. We will hang it up when we discover that no one is interested in us or our game. Hasn't happened yet....(knock on wood)

Charlotte NC
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You did right saying it wasnt her.

But to continue in this lifestyle the honest truth is youre going to have to fix that problem.

A man without an erection is like a car with a flat tire. 99% good, but that 1% makes the rest useless.

We have had guys with performance issues in the past. Whether it was a little too much to drink, or just anxiety. It made it very awkward and unpleasant for us as a couple and whether it was our fault or his fault, it stuck in our mind as a bad experience and honestly we wouldnt "give it another try" for the simple fact of not wanting to take a chance of it happening again.

There will always be the though "was it him or was it us"

In a relationship when love and feelings are involved. Thats a different story. Thats when you can as a couple work together to overcome or solve the problem.

With swinging, youre whole purpose is to bring a hard dick and use it. Kinda hard to overcome that

Mount Juliet TN
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You did the correct thing, telling the lady it wasn't her, and continuing to find other ways to make her happy. However...

If you have consistent erection problems it's not fair to engage with other couples without telling them about it so they can make an informed choice to play with you. Women in the Lifestyle are experienced and we know it happens to every guy on occasion. It may be disappointing but isn't a huge big deal. A woman who makes it a big deal is being an asshole.

But it is NOT all right to continue on hooking up with couples if you know you can't perform or probably can't perform. It's not fair to them and it isn't good for your ego, either. Consult a doctor and find a fix, or be prepared to be honest with potential partners.

Springfield VA
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Good for you, Enigma! I suspect your actions, along with your reassuring her that the problem wasn't with her, meant a lot to this gorgeous woman.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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Scandle: I kept playing. When we first started with the lifestyle, I had a problem and left the room. Very childish, but could not handle things. This time we continued to play, and then layed together and talked and rubbed each other.

Mount Laurel NJ
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Enigma, did you stop all play when you realized your erection wasn't going to happen that time with that lady, or did you continue to pleasure her in the best way you know how? We had a male drop out of play when he came too soon, making his wife (and the rest of us) feel a little awkward as he sat wearing shorts, on a chair with his head down while the rest of us kept going for a little while. I was thinking, Damn! I'm not done here, mister! He could have done any number of things with his fingers and mouth that I would have adored. If we ever see them again, I'll give him another chance, but will be more vocal about my needs if there's any problem with his erection.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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Thank you everyone. Thanks for being nice. I was taking Cialis and a herb called yohimbe. Yohimbe usually works great. I am scheduled to see DOC. I want penile injections. Supposed to work great. I can't take the embarrassment anymore.

Mount Laurel NJ
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TOPIC: Question for the ladies about impotence