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We haven't met anyone personally yet who plays separately outside of a house party, and we have only done so when separated ourselves by business travel, and that so far had been a less than once-a-year event, so we aren't by any means "experts" on how to handle a situation like you described.

However, if you and Kate are OK with playing separately, i.e., going out on "dates" without each other, it seems to us that would be OK if you are playing with singles, or even with half of a couple so long as BOTH members of that couple are also OK with it and are OK with each other being with other people.

In the case you described, though, the guy wants to be free to have sex with other women, but doesn't want his wife to have sex with other men. Even if SHE says she's OK with that, we would advise you to pass on that "opportunity."

As someone else stated, it doesn't sound to us like they as a couple can handle swinging emotionally, or if they are, then the guy is just a selfish jerk. More likely he just can't stand the thought of his wife fucking other men, and in that case he has no business fucking other women.

This sounds like a scenario that can only blow up on you one way or another down the line.

As we've said many times before, there are so many people out there to choose from, it's wise to pass on anyone "iffy" and move on to someone else who is mature, stable, and can cope with all aspects of swinging, including knowing that their spouse is also fucking others.

OK, you asked for opinions. That's ours.

Jim & Paula

Culpeper VA
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the guy is an idiot drop both of them before you two get drawn into all sorts of drama. He is totally insecure,controling,demanding freak and not in a good way.

Sarasota FL
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If that were our situation we would be offended that he had the nerve to even suggest any of that. You didn't mention if his wife was present during that "... she wishes to only see another female, or to have him tell her the details of his exploits" conversation, but we'd be surprised if that really was the case. We'd also speak directly with the wife, to confirm his story, then make our decision. We'd probably decide to stop all intimacy regardless of what the wife said. That's just too much drama.

Hope everything works out.

Hattiesburg MS
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I may be way off base here because my husband and I have never played seperately, but here comes my opinion. It sounds like this guy wants to fuck his wife and your wife and not have to deal with any of his insecurities about his wife being with anyone else. He's got a great situation going... for him. He sounds either extremely selfish or insecure or both. I couldn't imagine my husband saying it's okay for him to go be with another woman but I can't do anything. I'm not sure what kind of issues they had while dodging you and whatever else happened before you guys eventually got together again but it sounds as though they are not emotionally ready to enter the lifestyle as a couple. He's acting more like a single than anything else. They seem to have a lot of issues to work through before really trying this again. You said(if I remember correctly) that she wanted to go full swap with you and he did not want that to happen. I would really question if this man is just out to get some extra sex on the side. Maybe they should just be searching for a female instead of a couple. It takes some big balls to say my wife can't play, but when can I play with your wife by myself! Not sure if I answered your question but something compelled me to write my opinion anyway. Hope this helps. We wish you luck no matter what you do. Crystal

Allentown PA
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TOPIC: Question
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