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Question : Swingers Discussion 37490101
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Created by: StillWatersRunDeep The original post for this thread was deleted.
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It really sounds as if the lady in question is very very jealous and not really having her mind and heart into this. There really is no way to clear this up , she has to clear it up for herself,find out what she wants out of this and what they want out of it together.If this is not done some serious consequences may happen. To me ,Richie it sounds as if he is having a great time and she is having a so so time.As in all things when one does not have as good a time as the other, it always takes two.She may need ot be mre creative if the males are not.She may have to take the bull by the horns, get out of character and start having fun.Due to one not having fun,these type questions can occur. They are hidden messages saying I really do not like what we are doing even if she verbalizes she likes this and having fun.You already have said she isn't having as much fun.This friend of yours already knows it also.She may not be able to throw her hangups to the side to allow her to have the time the other spouse is having.Without knowing each one,its difficult to assume exacly whats going on . In some cases time may allow her to venture past her emotions and let her hair down.Its very rare that when someone has serious doubts about this that they can change to really embrace swinging. We always talk about situations we have been in on our way home. What we may be able to bring back in our bed play.How we enjoyed and what we enjoyed in our playfriends.Would or will we go back there again and if so how often. Suzy and I just had a chat on this same issue, the issue how coem it seems like I have a blast no matter who we are with.The one thing we came up with in our case.I totally look at this as sex, being different,being able to be simple without an emotional contact.Enjoy and seize the moment, have passion,be sexy and sexual along with having temendous fun and NEVER taking this or anyone we are with seriously.Its much easier for me, then for suzy . She needs and wants more of a mental connection,she is a lady I am a slut. The huge difference in how I look at what we do.I am not looking for a friend,replacement,buddy ,lover,regulars mental connection,am not looking to impress anyone.I have everything and more in Suzy.Hence beign simple makes it more of a blast ,I am never disappointed,always have fun,will always make people laugh,always have a playful not enough look.ITS JUST SEX with others period.

Sarasota FL
 
 
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One of the first things hubby says to me after we have been with another couple is...I can't wait to have you....I really need to be with you. We always use the expression, its like an old shoe...although the shiny new ones look nice...nothing fits or feels better then the old one! We usually always finish a night of swinging with each other! Sometimes we even will take one with each other in the middle of the evening if we are at a house party. Its just the reassurance that sex is fun with others, but Baby... its the absolute best with you! K of RK

Muncy PA
 
 
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It sounds to me like the lady has a very bad case of insecurity and needs LOTS of reassurance after a swing date that she is still hubby's favorite and #1.

I don't think this is uncommon in couples who are still pretty new to the swinging lifestyle. It takes a number of experiences to realize that hubby (or wife, for that matter) isn't going to fall in love with the other person, and that while sex with others is exciting and fun, only rarely is sex with others as good as sex at home, just because you know your own partner so well and know just what to do

Moreover, for women orgasms are not necessarily the goal, and being orgasm-focused is not likely to be the best thing in swinging. It's the seduction and the excitement and the DIFFERENCE that makes it fun. If a woman focuses on those things instead of on whether she has an orgasm, she is actually MORE likely to have an orgasm than if she is totally focused on that.

I think most of us felt those same insecurities when we first started swinging. Just remind her that while steak is by far your favorite meal, you really enjoy a slice of pizza now and then. It not only is good, but it makes you appreciate steak even more.

Jim

South Riding VA
 
 
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