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TOPIC: Problems in paradise!!! Any input helpful
Created by: slutacious The original post for this thread was deleted.
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You have recieved some good advice here.

My feelings are this... (and this is coming from a woman after hearing what happened) ...I would be DAMN careful about your best friend. Swinging doesn't seem like the only thing that needs some time off.

Just a word to the wise.

Nashville TN
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I have a few takes on this subject. Craig and I (I believe) are viewed as one of the younger couples in the lifestyle mainly because of my age. But here it goes.

It seems if there were trust issues from the begining that taking the step toward swinging was the worst thing the two of you could have done. Without trust swinging just doesn't work and it seems that you started off with a crutch being that you believes she was possibly cheating while away from home. Taking a break to build that bond of trust is an excellent idea.

While she was playing with her friend how much of an effort did you make to join in? Maybe she wasn't lying to you when she said what she said about the situation. It is possible that she saw it one way and you another. I know there are times in Craig and my relationship where one was upset about something that happened in play. Usually it came down to the fact that the other didn't really try to get involved they just judged from a distance and got pissed off. Later after talking we learned that if we would have taken the step towards involving ourself more that we would have learned that the other wanted us involved.

I'll admit that i had my moments of being jealous. It took me a year to work through my problems with the lifestyle and once in a while that monster still will try to show it's ugly head. One night at a party though i completely just let everything go. I went with the flow. Craig and i had a great time and i learned something interesting about myself. I love to see him with other women. Sometimes so much that i just like to sit back and watch. The most important thing i learned though would be that its ok.

What i mean by that is no matter what happens we're still happily married, still going home together, no one turns him on more then me, and that he loves only me.

Sometimes in swinging its a matter of taking the time to see what is right in front of you when jealousy rears its ugly head. This doesn't mean that there won't be issues that may pop up, or feelings that could be hurt. But as long as you take the time to talk with eachother and show your love to eachother everything will be fine.

My deep thoughts for the day

Zoe

Mayfield PA
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We did not get into this lifestyle until we were together for about ten years. You have to have a pretty solid relationship to be swinging. If you cant see this as just sex then maybe this isnt for you.

Fairfield NJ
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Like the others said, I think the break is necessary.. It will help you both 're-group'

I just want to mention here....... I applaud you for your honesty, and most of all for your desire to make your relationship work. I wish you two all the best and hope to see you guys back here when you both are ready.

Marriage and Parenting........2 of the hardest jobs you will never get a pay check from.

Mount Carmel PA
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Find out your rights with your child and get a good attorney...then bug the hell out of her by moving everywhere she does to see your daughter.

Honesty is always the best policy.

Fort Lee NJ
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Good decision, Slutacious. And taking a break right now may be a very healthy thing for your marriage. Keep in mind that you are among the youngest couples on SLS. Most swingers seem to be in their late 30s or 40s, and some of us really old farts are in our 50s and pushing 60.

My point is that most swinging couples have a far longer history of shared time together than you have. It takes time, a lot of it, to build that kind of rock solid foundation of trust that allows you to swing without issues, and even then couples have to talk, talk, talk to each other to adjust to swinging.

Take your time. Reassess what you can handle right now and what you can't. Rebuild that trust. Do some private "nesting," even if it takes 10 years. You may yet come back to swinging at a later date much better prepared mentally and emotionally, and with a much more trusting relationship as a bonus.

Good luck!

South Riding VA
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Good luck, Slutacious. We wish you both the best the lifestyle has to offer. We're hoping that one day you find that together. In the meantime, enjoy the best of what you have to offer to each other, then come back and try it again.

Mrs.

Honolulu HI
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I have to strongly agree with the advice already given here. ANY time there are ANY "problems in paradise" in regard to swinging, it's time to "take a break" - a COMPLETE and TOTAL break - from swinging for an indefinite amount of time until and unless the two of you can work through the problems and rebuild your trust.

For now, swinging should be OUT as a recreation for the two of you.

South Riding VA
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Welcome. All I can say is that by looking at and reading your profile, it appears either this post is a bunch of bs or your profile is. Sorry, but I couldn't help pointing it out.

Melissa

Breckenridge MN
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TOPIC: Problems in paradise!!! Any input helpful