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TOPIC: Partners Proformance Issues
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We're still very new to this and. I don't see the question being asked...are they new to the lifestyle? I had similar issues the first few times we "played" but it seems to have gotten better, maybe it's that I'm more relaxed with each new scenario.

Personally, I'm a foreplay kinda guy, I like to touch and be touched. Our first full swap, I couldn't stay hard at first and the Mrs said it could have been overstimulation, seeing her with someone new and/or the pressure to perform. I don't know, but somewhere in the middle, it was like I just relaxed and everything went beyond my wildest dreams. The other woman was very comforting and gave me the attention I needed and I reciprocated when things finally got going.

OP - hope that helps. There are some good ideas on here and I can't see someone getting upset with you for talking about it, they just may be embarrassed about it.

D

Diberville MS
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I am not your counselor, your physician...or your stand in to keep you occupied while your wife gets hers

exactly! ~joan

Philadelphia PA
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I am not here to cuddle, if I want to cuddle its going to be with my friend after I have been fucked stupid. Cuddling has NEVER given me an orgasm. Call me insensitive, but only call me if you can fuck.

Spring TX
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just cuddle with him while his wife is haveing a great time with my hubby? ummm yea that doesnt work for me. im not in this to cuddle, i can do that at home with my hubby ~joan"

Okay, I'm with Joan on this one. I don't know, its a very sensitive issue and a hard call. I no longer bring it up. I brought it up with one male playmate and he got offended and said "I've never had that happen before...must have been who I was with." I cried for a week after that. I DO feel bad for men, as I have stated before. However, I am not your counselor, your physician...or your stand in to keep you occupied while your wife gets hers. And I can cuddle with Jay or my cat LOL.


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Thanks for all the responses and pros and cons of the different ideas. The cuddling thing is out for sure as not what we are looking for. We have a good relationship with them we think but have only known them not very long. If either one of us confronts them alone guess you never know how they will react. Know we are going to have to address this no matter what the out come. We have a few weeks before we see them again so still looking for ideas. One thought we had was the next time to soft swap and see how things go between them. Just an idea.

Portsmouth RI
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you might consider just cuddling while your hubby and his wife enjoy themselves.

just cuddle with him while his wife is haveing a great time with my hubby? ummm yea that doesnt work for me. im not in this to cuddle, i can do that at home with my hubby ~joan

Philadelphia PA
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a nubber? lol

Pottstown PA
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There are likely only two root causes; clinical and situational. If it's a clinical issue, health related, then he likely has the same problem with his wife/SO. This is something that he/they should address with their healthcare provider. If it's situational, then you might consider just cuddling while your hubby and his wife enjoy themselves. We've been swinging for many years and have found that a nice slow cuddle, with or without talking, can often relieve a lot of tension even without sex. Further, you might be surprised at what comes up in mid-cuddle. lol

Lastly, how would you feel about continuing to see this couple if things don't improve? Are they good enough friends, and understanding enough, that you'd enjoy each others company sans playtime? Would the absence of sex in the relationship be a death blow?


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I guess I wonder what resolution you expect from any discussion you might have?

Is it likely that he's unaware of the problem? Or that he's aware of it, but doesn't want to fix it?

I've seen a statistic that, not being a doctor, I can't verify. But apparently the ED drugs that everyone has heard of only work in about 50% of men.

So let's make the reasonable assumption that the problem isn't going to go away. Are you going to dump them? And if so, do you really want to have the "what's wrong with him?" conversation first so there will be no doubt why you've dumped them?

You've become friends with this couple and apparently socialize with them regularly. I'm thinking a little white lie would be the graceful way out of this so no one's feelings are hurt.

Kitty Hawk NC
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Just to clarify, I'm not suggesting the man being unattracted to the OP is the reason, merely that she go that route in a conversation to avoid confrontation.

-M

Colleyville TX
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TOPIC: Partners Proformance Issues