Opinions of a man: Swingers Discussion 146855

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TOPIC: Opinions of a man

Created by: red_hottie Original Starting post for this thread:
I have been in this lifestyle as a single and in a couple. I met who I thought was the man of my dreams here on SLS but throughout the 2 years with him, learned of several "strange" occurences in our relationship. These things led me to believe he was playing behind my back although I would try to get him to confide in me it seemed he just tried harder to hide things. The lifestyle for me is about sharing with my partner and NOT hiding our wants and desires. Trust is...to me the biggest, most important thing two people need in order to do this together, but he never seemed to get that. Sucking a long blonde hair off his cock in my kitchen one night when I came home from work was not exactely a great taste in your mouth!!! He insisted all the while he was being unselfish...even in the midst he would take me to lifestyle dances and leave me sitting at the table while he worked the room. Am I crazy or was this a very bad taste of what the lifestyle with a person you love really is??? I want to go on and enjoy this lifestyle for all it offers but it is hard to do after such a selfish, self centered man has messed up my head and heart. He did finally confide in me that he was having an affair with " a man" but I suspect it was also happening with women as well.

Created by: red_hottie
Original Starting post for this thread:

I have been in this lifestyle as a single and in a couple.  I met who I thought was the man of my dreams here on SLS but throughout the 2 years with him, learned of several "strange" occurences in our relationship.  These things led me to believe he was playing behind my back although I would try to get him to confide in me it seemed he just tried harder to hide things.  The lifestyle for me is about sharing with my partner and NOT hiding our wants and desires.  Trust is...to me the biggest, most important thing two people need in order to do this together, but he never seemed to get that.  Sucking a long blonde hair off his cock in my kitchen one night when I came home from work was not exactely a great taste in your mouth!!!  He insisted all the while he was being unselfish...even in the midst he would take me to lifestyle dances and leave me sitting at the table while he worked the room.  Am I crazy or was this a very bad taste of what the lifestyle with a person you love really is???  I want to go on and enjoy this lifestyle for all it offers but it is hard to do after such a selfish, self centered man has messed up my head and heart.  He did finally confide in me that he was having an affair with " a man" but I suspect it was also happening with women as well.

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User Details are only visible to members.	We think that your getting "back on that horse" and seeing for yourself what the lifestyle is all about says a lot about you. Mainly that you are a very strong, very wonderful and yes very attractive women. And in my (the male) line of work (paramedic) I applaude you for getting out of a abusive relationship. So many don't and we end up having them as patients. Your are a strong person! If you ever come to PA, we would be happy to buy you dinner and would be honored to meet you. Hugs Gary and Pam
Emlenton PA			Username hidden (29 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Interesting to note that I have since heard from many couples who we had contacted or met with us, who avoided US because of his incesant need to talk only about himself and his experiences in the lifestyle. Interesting I thought! I was always supposively the reason people didn't want to meet with us. I am glad I took the time and guts to make this post because it has really reassured what I had believed all along and I thank all of my swing friends for your opinions and input. The healing has begun!!! Thank God!!
Brownstown Township MI			Username hidden (4 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Deception is still deception in any aspect of life. Swinging is an added activity, a bit different from bowling perhaps, but still an enjoyment spent together. To be "succesful," it has to have Trust upmost, Respect, Honesy, Stability, Communication...all the things that make any relationship strong. I'm glad you posted, that took some guts. It also brings up an awareness that, yes, there are "jerks" in every walk of life. And this one doesn't deserve the benefits and pleasures of you in his life to walk upon. We've seen a couple where the woman just tolerated swinging so her husband wouldn't divorce her. Gee, you think she's having fun? She was the most miserable looking person I've ever encountered, and it showed on her face and in her body language. So, the cycle of THAT was that she did not attract to many people, so he catted around (no offense to cats) and tried to get people interested. They were full of drama and got kicked out of parties. We stayed away from them...wouldn't touch that one w/ a ten foot pole, so to speak. Cheating is still cheating, deception is still deception, disrespect, abuse, ignorance, and coercion are all still the same no matter what you try to hide behind to make them justifiable in your own mind. What a piece of work. Gina
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (6064 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	This is easily the most intelligent set of posts I've read on SLS.
Pensacola Beach FL			Username hidden (63 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Madam I feel your pain. I spent years in a relationship with a 'swinger' who in all actuallity was a cheater. I never could understand why she wanted to go fuck somebody behind my back, when if she had been up front and told me what she wanted it would not have hurt my feelings. I had no problem sharing her with other women or men, but it wasn't enough for her, I guess she got some kind of sick kick out of doing this stuff on the sly, I suppose. Lots of people can't understand why swingers get hurt over infidelity as they think we are all just sex maniacs. What they don't realize is that its' often not the infidelity that hurts it's the lack of respect and the lack of honesty. You have to have respect and honesty in any relationship or it will fail. My own failed relationship is proof of that and unfortunately it sounds like yours is too. When you are in a couple, your partner should be first and foremost and you shouldn't lie to them or disrespect them, but it happens to both swingers and civillians alike. Miss, please keep in mind that it doesn't pay to greive over getting rid of an @$$hole or Loser like the person who did that. They are literally a dime a dozen. There ARE better men out there and hopefully you can find the one you want who will treat you in the way you wish to be treated. Nobody deserves to be disrespected or lied to.
Logan WV			Username hidden (1022 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Physical violence... I'm glad you didn't tolerate that. A man who strikes a lady is not a man, but a piece of shit. You made a wide decision to leave him in your past. Your better days are ahead of you.
Charleston WV			Username hidden (204 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I thank you all for your input and opinions and they are all heartfelt and ring true to what I believed all along but kept thinking things would get better and he would realize what he had all along right in front of his damn nose. Sadly I had to walk away and his physical violence really brought reality home for me. Again thanks and I KNOW there are good men out there and once I heal and time goes by I will pursue what my heart desires! Red Hottie
Brownstown Township MI			Username hidden (4 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Hey are you a man? Seriously we know a few "men " who act as such , some women think they have to put up with this behavior, or swing in an attempt to keep him happy, when in all actuality they will not change , they may curtail thier activities to appease you but it will never stop. I wish you the best and as others have said there are good men out there. just keep looking
Burlingham NY			Username hidden (9220 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	you gotta believe that what you seek is out there somewhere. I agree 100% Dont settle for less than what you are wanting out of a partner. It sounds to me ( from your side of the story) that he is selfish , a liar and a cheat. No husband leaves his wife sitting alone at a club , unless she asks to be left alone. * BTW men are known to sport long blond hair.
Augusta NJ			Username hidden (16075 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I guess your post was more of a rant than a real question. I think it was Donny Osmond who said, "One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch, girl". The Amazing Mizz T would absolutely not tolerate being left sitting alone, nor will she abide dishonesty. If I disrespected these, I would likely lose half my soul and the best partner I could ever imagine. Sounds like he didn't see in you what you saw in him. I'm sure it stings but you gotta believe that what you seek is out there somewhere. J
Charleston WV			Username hidden (204 post)

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TOPIC: Opinions of a man

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