OPEN MARRIAGES: Swingers Discussion 173478

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OPEN MARRIAGES: Swingers Discussion 173478

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TOPIC: OPEN MARRIAGES

Created by: SinCity3Play	The original post for this thread was deleted.

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User Details are only visible to members.	Up until I read Lost's post about Veto Power we were convinced that we had an open marriage by the definition given on Wiki. Now- maybe not but no loss. Great topic!
Pulaski TN			Username hidden (491 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Has anyone here read the book "The Ethical Slut"? It is a very engaging and well reasoned defense of open marriages and it also offers a lot of helpful advice.
Pittsford NY			Username hidden (11 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	it takes a lot of honnest for a open marrage to work. we talk about it for years after getting into swing before ever trying and that cam as a surprise to us both
Santa Rosa CA			Username hidden (39 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Yeah...if both partners are not honestly and really okay with it (not just saying okay honey)...its doomed from jump. My opinion is you have to be cool with the idea of open, both people, when you meet. It is hard I think to go from a monogamous mindset to open.
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23612 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I think there is a very large step in going from swinging to an open marriage. Although there HAVE been times where one of us has been given the blessing to go off on our own, it's on a case-by-case basis and I do not consider that to be an open marriage at all. I'm quite sure an open marriage is not for us. That being said, we know people who are in open marriages and have also played with them. THAT being said... the success rate (from our very limited experience) appears to not be very good. They are the sub-set of swingers we know with the highest breakup rate. Not saying that can be extended to all open marriages, but the ones WE have seen have usually not worked out well.
Chesapeake VA			Username hidden (11647 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I think it may be a bit oversimplistic for the people who advocate for open marriages and free single play to describe it as an issue of trust. We know perhaps a dozen couples who divorced at least in part because of things that happened in the lifestyle, and a couple who then remarried with playpartners from when they were swinging in their original marriage. Some of them no doubt "trusted" their spouses, and things didn't quite work out. Playing solo can be a slippery slope, and it's naiive to think that it is a safe thing for everyone - even people who are very secure in their marriages and would do just fine with simple same-room or even seperate-room swinging. There's a balance to be struck between trust and "it can't happen to me" naiive reckless abandonment. Solo play provides way more opportunities for it to be far more of a relationship than just play, and certainly isn't just something to do "because you totally trust your partner". We've seen it work well for people, and seen it be a disaster. There's no universal "right" answer.
Hopkinton MA			Username hidden (256 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	oops....they play always TOGETHER. *wish there was an edit button!
Concord NC			Username hidden (25 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I suppose our definition of Open Marriage is different. We know that we can play anytime, anywhere and don't necessarily have to check with each other first. However, we haven't ever done that...LOL! We have played separately in the past though - and for most swingers, this would be considered an open marriage. I think we played separately in the past (more than we do now) simply because of logistics. Each of us wanted to have fun but we couldn't always secure a babysitter. Therefore, we would set up 'dates' and go for it, alone. I will say that I (Vixen) enjoyed playing alone, more than hubby did. Some of that is our personalities though - as I tend to be very extroverted/independent and him the opposite. If we had interest in a couple that is in an open relationship we would have no problem meeting both parties and then proceeding. It's more of a red flag when a hubby or wife wants to play alone and they DO NOT want you to talk/meet with their S.O. I agree that most swingers raise their eyebrows at open marriages, simply because it's not how they have decided to play....always alone. It takes a hell of a lot of trust to allow your mate to play without you. Not everyone is comfy with that. Having said that - just because you play together does not make it "safe" all the time. People still have to keep the lines of communication open and honest or there will be trouble! Whew....sorry, didn't mean to go on so long. ~blush~
Concord NC			Username hidden (25 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Yeah, and everyone has their own interpretation of an open marriage vs. swinging. I really do not know any swingers that live in truly open marriages...but I know a few vanillas that do. To me, they are kind of like bdsm and swinging. Same "philosophy"...but very different at the same time. To me, in my mind, an open marriage means you do your own thing. You sort of live as a single in that capacity. If a couple has the veto right, even if they do not deny their partner, that is not an open marriage to me. The vanillas I know in open marriages, their spouses do not know who they hook up with :0).
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23612 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We can second what wvchascouple said: swinging is something we share with eachother and add to our marriage, while to us seeing people solo is more of an individual thing. We got to a point where we tried it, chatted with eachother about our experiences, and so on, but it just wasn't for us. We hardly "condemn" anyone who does it and for whom it works well in their marriage, but it's certainly not for everyone.
Hopkinton MA			Username hidden (256 post)

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TOPIC: OPEN MARRIAGES