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No means no, (uhuh), but what about when your spouse says Why not : Swingers Discussion 187941
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsSwinger AdviceNo means no, (uhuh), but what about when your spouse says Why not
TOPIC: No means no, (uhuh), but what about when your spouse says Why not
Created by: hotbifullswap The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Female half has final say with us...particularly since she'll mostly likely wind up playing with both the male and the female - so she needs to be attracted to both! :)


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Redzilla has the final say with us . She is pretty open minded and is the first to approach a couple so it works out well. I will suggest someone or let her review who approached us so she feels like she has control over what is going on. Getting to the point where I know what is *usually* on her mindand know what she will say.

Eldorado IL
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Understand. Would have liked to have read it. I was wanting to give some input, but sounds like you may have some discussions in the works. Best of luck.

Like others have expressed, either of you should have full veto power at all times. The problem with this concept if it one player is slightly on the selfish side ( I don't want to hear from those who proclaim we're all selfish beings. Yeah, I know.) but to successfully swing with someone you love ( and have committed your life to, far beyond your sexual exploits) you need to dig deeper to gift them the most selfless version of you that you can. Regardless of the outcome of any of your swinging experiences, what fun are you really having, what fantasy have you really fulfilled, if you look back years down the line and hold regrets, or know you could have done something differently, and didn't? No matter HOW hot someone is, no matter HOW you connect and vibe, no matter WHAT you daydream about...no one is going to compare to the chemistry and passion you have with your spouse. Jeopardize that for nothing, because no one is immune to being human.

Best of luck, E

Concord CA
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Thank you all so much for your words of wisdom.

I deleted the original post and my comments to protect the innocent (and the guilty).

Westminster MA
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we completely agree. you and k could spend a while comparing stories. hope your LS experience turns around for you real soon.

Port Canaveral FL
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bill/suzie, i agree, i think a conversation at some point is a good idea just have a clear understanding of what is working and what is not. just healthy communication as we see it.

hotbi, i want to say something here and i hope you will hear my words as i intend them to be heard although some will not like what i'm going to say.

many here buy into the idea that the lady is always in control, always says what is what and who is who and who we do. we have never done things that way. for us, it is all things equal or not at all. i have no idea what you two have as a criteria for playmates, but i can tell you that like the two of you, k and i look for different things in playmates. she, like you, needs some sort of chemistry. i understand this, but i also know that as guys, it is sometimes tough for us to be as understanding as we should be when we're walking around a party with half a hard on. that does not, and will not ever, be an excuse for abusive behavior.

this is a tough hobby to be successful with. in fact, it's a tough hobby to just hang on to your relationship in. our advice is to talk as much as possible about what you each need and do the best you can to be as giving to the other as possible. it seems to us, when we go the extra little bit to make the other person happy, we usually both end up in a pretty good place.

as i said, some won't agree with this, but it works for us. if there's anything here that makes a difference for you guys, great. and if not, we certainly wish you the very best of luck in finding what WILL help you get to where you want to be.

j & k

Port Canaveral FL
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Successful swinging requires that both parties of a couple are on the same page. Like Valovers, if one of us are not comphortable, we do not play, no questions asked (at that moment) we may discuss it later after we have gone home but only to better understand for next time.

Greencastle PA
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We agreed from the start that either of us could veto anyone, no questions asked and no explanations required.

Jim

South Riding VA
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"a strain on the relationship or worse." truly sad to say it, but i have a feeling that train has left the station.

Port Canaveral FL
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*** he asserts I'm applying the same criteria as I would to someone to potentially date, as opposed to "just fuck". ***

I and Mrs John have this saying we use, If i wouldn't date them if i was single then i'm not gonna fuck them as a swinger.

stick to your guns, if he can't honor your feelings then maybe it's time to get out. if this isn't handled by you two together, it's only gonna put a strain on your relationship or worse. and never never be with someone you are not attracted to.

Philadelphia PA
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TOPIC: No means no, (uhuh), but what about when your spouse says Why not