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New and learning : Swingers Discussion 211153101
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TOPIC: New and learning
Created by: jk4fun66
Original Starting post for this thread:
Hi everyone. We are new to the site and also to the LS. We have done some soft swapping in the past and looking to take it further. Have talked until we are blue in the face about it and have everything set with us. My only concern, being the male (and I am sure that this has been brought up before) but I have my own concerns about me. My biggest concern is being able to satisfy the other woman. For the LOVE OF GOD, tell me that I am not the only one with this concern and what I can do to get over it.

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The desire for any man or woman to satisfy his/her partner is admirable. It's when we twist that desire into a goal that undue pressure and fear enter into the picture. For us, the LS is about making connections, having fun and creating pleasure on a collaborative basis - us collaborating together, and us collaborating with other couples both individually and as a pair. If the LS wasn't a delightful escape…we wouldn't be here. If the LS created concerns and anxiety for us…we wouldn't be here.

From the "him" perspective (and this really works from the "her" perspective, too) I'm just not sure if a "satisfy her" agenda is the best approach. It potentially creates mental pressure and performance anxiety for you - and fosters a narrow-ish "one-size fits all" approach to pleasuring women. Perhaps a more collaborative and organic approach might serve you, and thus the women of the world, better. Start by being yourself, and not being afraid to make mistakes. Honesty and vulnerability is not a weakness - it's a strength. Each woman is unique…and her wants, needs and desires are always shifting. Hot sensual interactions, imho, should begin and end with clear two-way communication. Let a woman know you are interested in communicating, and you'll likely find yourself with a very engaged and excited partner in crime. Communicate both verbally and with ALL of your senses (including your sixth sense). Ask questions. Listen. Observe. Suggest. Guide. Lead. Follow. Repeat. Before you even know what color panties she's wearing you should already have a very good idea of who she is…and what she wants…right there, right then, with YOU. If you keep communicating throughout your time together, I can pretty much guarantee two things: you'll feel confident as a lover…and she'll feel VERY satisfied…

Just my .02, and ymmv,

Mr. SCS

P.S. If all else fails I have one word...massage!

Hudson NY
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I the Mr. Tek is in the same boat but i am taking it slow. Getting to know others, been to a club dancing and drinking, and hopefully a house party in the future. When the time is right, I will be ready.

New Braunfels TX
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We were willing to try it there but never found anybody that both of us were interested in. We haven't done FMF or MFM, just soft swapping.

As for looking around for places for smaller adventures, we are still doing that as well and will always look around.

We basically are trying to get as informed as possible for the, both of us, since we are very new to this.

Christiana DE
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Sounds like you're not ready for full swap. You might consider starting out slow and going to some M&G's, house parties, or clubs. You can just hang out and socialize with no obligation to play. Chances are you will meet some nice couples that will put you more at ease. When you feel more comfortable you could try soft swapping and see how it goes. Don't play outside of your comfort zone.

Virginia Beach VA
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I guess my biggest issue is that I don't want to look like a fool with someone else. I have always been very shy and honestly can never tell when another woman has been flirting with me so I just don't want to embarrass myself or worse both of us.

Like I said, we are new and just trying to learn as much as possible.

Christiana DE
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"My biggest concern is being able to satisfy the other woman" Are you concerned about your erectile function, or your woman pleasing skills?

Virginia Beach VA
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Hi, and welcome to the forums. Being overly concerned about "satisfying" someone is probably not the way to approach this. Better to first meet someone that you'd like to satisfy, rather than try and force yourself to do the deed with a random encounter.

Erectile function is a gift and a blessing. At my age, we expect it to work about half the time we're playing. That's enough for most women, assuming you do other fun and relaxing things in the meantime.

We've found most encounters take some hours to arrange. In fact, some planning drags out over weeks. So there's no good in hurrying the actual encounter. Take your time, explore the woman's body -- they like this! -- and everyone gets what they can.

Flat Rock NC
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Hi everyone. We are new to the site and also to the LS. We have done some soft swapping in the past and looking to take it further. Have talked until we are blue in the face about it and have everything set with us. My only concern, being the male (and I am sure that this has been brought up before) but I have my own concerns about me. My biggest concern is being able to satisfy the other woman. For the LOVE OF GOD, tell me that I am not the only one with this concern and what I can do to get over it.

Christiana DE
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(3 posts)
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TOPIC: New and learning