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New Found Jealousy : Swingers Discussion 44426
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TOPIC: New Found Jealousy
Created by: curiousintentions
Original Starting post for this thread:
We have been in the lifestylfe for two years now. When we first started out, things were great, we both enjoyed our times with the couples we have been with.

The last three couples we have been with I'm finding I'm getting very jealous. If pictures are taken during the sessions, looking at them drives me nuts and I get even more jealous. I've asked for a break from swinging and my partner thinks I"m being silly.

My question is, why was I never jealous before, but I am now? I don't understand my feelings...just that I don't think I can bare to watch him do another woman.

Help. I don't like being jealous

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Curious, you've gotten some good advice here and I noticed nearly everyone has told you that taking a break is necessary. Tell your partner that, in no uncertain terms, you are going to take a break from the lifestyle to concentrate on your relationship with him.

My own experience is that I have to be either attracted to or at least LIKE the other woman before we'll play with them..part of the reason is the bisexuality, but the other reason is that I just plain feel more comfortable and trusting if I like the woman of the couple. Especially if and when we try separate rooms, which may be another alternative for you.

You might try, the next couple you meet (if you decide not to take a break), spending time talking to the woman either privately or on the phone. Get comfortable that she isn't out to steal your partner and that she's happy and fulfilled in her own relationship.

Cambridge VT
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have one question what happened the last three times that have made you jumpy?whats different then the other times? Ie are you or have you been more familar with hte last three couples then you were with the others? Once you find out whats the difference between now and then you will be able to deal with the problem.Trouble is you have to unmask the real problem soemtimes its hard to really find and be true to what is the real problem. Breaks are fine, we do self imposed breaks to be able to spend more time with each other or our schedule here is to full. Breaks to find a solution to a problem usually just end up ignoring what the problem really is thinking it will just go away.

Sarasota FL
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5htp was a fad several years ago. Headaches and the like. The main reason I can't recommended it? Supplements don't have the rigorous testing for quality. I know of no use that has stood the test of time. Tryptophan was removed from the market. A contaminant was causing severe reactions over time.

The answer is not drugs in this case. It's putting on the brakes. That's the best way to find out what's going on. Building partnership is the first order of swinging.

Mischief

Glen Burnie MD
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Just the simple fact of YOUR partner thinking what you are feeling is silly maybe the biggest sign of all to step back and take a break. YOUR feelings(minor or major) should be his utmost priority, as his should be to you.

Rumford ME
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Mischief, why couldn't you recomend it for anything???

Wheatland CA
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Interesting 5htp.. 5 hydroxytryptophan. A serotonin drug. Can't recommend it for anything.

Mischief

Glen Burnie MD
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What exactly is it that bothers you, curious? I have figured out that everytime ive gotten jealous it's because i think he's going to leave me for what he thinks is better or isn't but wants to. Or sometimes im jealous of the girl because i wish i could be whatever it is he desires about her. Anyway there is this supplement 5htp that is supposed to help with jealousy and other obsession disorders. But this would just be a cover up for what ever the problem is.

Wheatland CA
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I have found it imperative that I hit it off w/ the other woman. Really like her. I'm always more attracted to the intellect and heart of the other person -male and female. Once I have that level of attraction, then, I guess there is a greater emotional safety for me. I enjoy swinging with 4 people all together. The separate room thing makes no sense to me and I feel it would breed more of the feelings of being left out in someway. If swinging is kept to fun, enjoyable sex and not lovemaking - then it's more enjoyable for me. I don't believe anyone should be in a situation where they are not physically, emotionally, or spiritually unsafe. Why would you want to do that to yourself or to the partner you are on this journey with? The purpose of a marriage in my mind is the caring and loving of your spouse - not putting them in a situation where they won't feel anything BUT happy. It's all about fun for everyone - not just one or two. There are enough couples and/or singles out there to find the few that you really enjoy and that enjoy you both. No reason to settle for less. Take your time and enjoy :) *J*

Apollo PA
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You are young. Things change when you are young. Is it possible that you were not as serious about your man before? Now, you are thinking of settling down? Getting Married? Children? It's possible that your jealousy results because you have more to lose?

The real test is what his response is. If he is sensitive to your new found feelings, all will be well. If he brushes them off, tells you to get over it. I would thank him for showing me that's he is more concerned with playing than your relationship/or comfort.

Good luck.

Mischief

Glen Burnie MD
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I agree with wild... taking break may be the best idea, if nothing else to reaffirm your commitment with each other.

I am also jealous of my man, but not with every woman. No clue why, but I find if her and I don't hit it off, then I'm going to be jealous watching them. Hubby's been great about that, and tries to do separate rooms for me so I don't feel that way.

It may help to think back on those three experiences and see if there's something that triggered your jealousy. That helps me with some of mine.

good luck!

Hancock NY
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TOPIC: New Found Jealousy