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MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME - BUT NO ATTRACTION! : Swingers Discussion 40424
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsSwinger AdviceMEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME - BUT NO ATTRACTION!
TOPIC: MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME - BUT NO ATTRACTION!
Created by: Jewels17
Original Starting post for this thread:
Wanting some advice from experienced swinger forum.

Have you ever chat with someone online that seemed to be a good "match". But when you go to meet for drinks, you find that there is no attraction. Do you tell them honestly that you are not attracted or make up an excuse and get out fast? If you are honest, how do you say it kindly? How long is long enough before you should leave?

Thanks!

M&J

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we never meet for dinner first, if there is no connection your stuck one to two hours sitting there having the worst coversation on the planet.Trying to keep the comfort level on an even keel. This happened in our first year , thats why we decided never to do this again. However we will meet for drinks, then go to dinner afterwards.This way no one is stuck. We also will not do a quick exit.Though I sometimes feel a quick exit might be the best approach.What we have seen from people , they have no clue on the difference of being nice and having an attraction.For all the people we have had an attraction with and they with us we all knew . Its the look you give, how and where you touch another .How you touch an arm,leg, back etc, the tell tale sign of the long wet exploring tongue kiss .When there is none of this you would think that the other couple would know there is no attraction. There is no lead on by being nice, ah here is where most have a problem. They claim that they want friends first and foremost.Can honestly say that is not true, tell someone that there will not be sex of any kind what so ever due to no physical connection or mental and poof they are gone never to be heard from again.Hence if you stay and are nice they believe that there MUST be an attraction. This is a very good question, we do not want to hurt anyones feelings by standing up and leaving if there is no attraction.But again we do not want anyone to think that nice means we are attracted.We are leaning to the get up and go approach more and more unless someone has a better idea of what too do that is real. Yeah yeah we hear people should be respectful enough to understand no or no attraction.No one likes rejection,so the respectful enough to understand no ,goes out the door,specially in person. We really like meeting people in a small group of friends in case there is no attraction then perhaps another will have. Chances are really great if there is an attraction with us in our small group , then it is a huge possibility that all will get along fine and have an attraction with all of us.Instead of finding one good couple they may have met anywhere from 1-4 couples. This has been the best way. I would say the worst at accepting no attraction have been those that have less then 3 years in, this according to our experience,yours may differ.These people have had an attitude of how dare you not want us, we are suppose to turn you down ,as we have better bodies,better looking or whatever they wish to think. We have had people apporach us as to this very thing , even had one couple that set up meeting with us 3 times to go over why we had no attraction finally on the 3rd meeting I told them the truth that it was not us it was them . The couples that have been swinging a long time just call us wannabes! LMAO that works too.For me I need a physical attraction , if its not there its not and we go our seperate ways.We do not need nor are we looking for a fuck just to fuck. This has proven to be the toughest of things to decide what is the best way to handle it for us.

Sarasota FL
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Aren't you always supposed to use conundrums when swinging? :-)

South Riding VA
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Conundrum - isn't that some kind of vegetable?

Baltimore MD
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Ahhh! An accommodating woman. This might be fun! :-)

South Riding VA
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OK, funluvin, we have our first conundrum. To drink only, or to dine? Incompatibility right from the get-go? LOL

South Riding VA
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M, you're priceless!

Baltimore MD
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Same here, central. We, like funlovin, meet couples for dinner instead of just drinks. We always at least have a nice dinner and some interesting conversation. No need for a hurried exit, since we, too, have never played at the first meet (except at a party). In fact, we do our best to avoid meeting a couple the first time on a weekend and try to arrange to meet during the week before going home from work. That way everyone knows that playing is not an option that evening, and we haven't "wasted" a weekend evening if we just don't click with the couple.

If we DO click, it's easy enough the next day to start a dialogue concerning the next Saturday night we both have available!

South Riding VA
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It happens, we make a nice evening and always end it on a good note. We then follow up with an e-mail message thanking them for a pleasant meeting and letting them no that somehow we felt that we didn't click. With that we wish them well and end it.

Center Valley PA
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So, M... if I see you start to scratching away whenever I get near, I'll take the hint. OK?

8^)

Baltimore MD
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PolyGrl, there's no question in *my* mind regarding an attraction. My only hope is that *I* can live up to the electronic image I've created. But from this side of the equation, consider me hooked.

8^)

Baltimore MD
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TOPIC: MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME - BUT NO ATTRACTION!