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Larger group etiquette with an undesireable : Swingers Discussion 211609
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TOPIC: Larger group etiquette with an undesireable
Created by: Milf_n_Cookies
Original Starting post for this thread:
So, we got a chance to party with a larger group this weekend. Seemed that every person was pretty damn hott, well almost everyone. Early on, over the course of the evening, before heading back to a house, I really got the impression, from mannerisms as well as several random comments, that I wasn't really that attractive compared to the other men in the group. They were all interested in my wife, and she was into them as well. I'm not going to spoil a potentially erotic night for my better half, so I didn't say-do anything to change the overall vibe of the group. I spent the night being the odd man out, except for occasional fun with my wife. I felt incredibly awkward, but didn't tell my wife of my displeasure, as not to spoil her fun. There's potential in playing with these people again. I'm sure she's game. Should I just suck it up, and be the "phantom of the party" again?

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We happened upon this topic and have to say that the many people have replied with very perceptive and intelligent responses that, in our opinion, place this in the top 5% or better of threads posted here. It just goes to show that there's more to swinging than a bunch of horny people that don't care about each other. We are better from having read all those thoughtful posts.

Southington CT
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I heard a line a movie one time that was soo good ~ way back in ancient times they sacrificed the virgins, they kept the (so called) sluts.

However, I don't think outside of her telling me to call her that in the heat of the moment I'd use the term. I'd just quietly be thankful she exists- ;-)

Bensalem PA
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If one person at a party plays with too many people, are they labeled a slut? We think that may often be the case, as silly as it sounds. ---------------------- I would think that falls under the double standard rule? If it's all about the fun and enjoyment, who's to say who's a slut? Would the lady who enjoys a GB be a slut then? Would the guys who enjoy being part of the GB be male sluts? Would us SM all be classified as Male sluts, what of the unicorns or SF?

Personally, I've never liked the term slut - comes with too many vanilla or societal connotations, restrictions, guilt, etc.

Heck, now we're talking about labeling behavior? Who's labels are used? A slippery slope indeed.

Now about that king bed somewhere in the heart of PA...LOL

Jacksonville FL
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We never limit ourselves to just playing together. And we usually prefer house parties that are single male-friendly. I'm sure we're the oddballs, but our #1 rule is to not limit ourselves with too many rules. If respect and communication are there, we do just fine. But that does lead to another question, perhaps better suited to another thread: If one person at a party plays with too many people, are they labeled a slut? We think that may often be the case, as silly as it sounds.

Seneca PA
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I have hosted many house parties and I would say the answer to your question is yes and no. Since my parties are SM friendly, the ladies who attend are those who enjoy an extra guy or three and some of the husbands play a lot and others don't. Some couples stay together, others split up. Some play as a group, others go to a room with a guy or two. No hard and fast rules, everyone does what they are comfortable with.

Youngstown OH
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Maybe I'm missing something here...I can say I've not attended a house party, but from some of the posts it seems like they are more of a free-for-all then it seems to be at say, a club?

Recent posts describe the Mrs. running willy-nilly all nekkid and having fun with whomever she sees fit to tango with, but yet the Mr. is left dick in hand to fend for himself (sounds like a poor SM at a club! LOL).

I thought the rule of thumb was couples and being together and getting the "nod" and going off to play together? Maybe I missed "House Party Etiquette 101"?

Or maybe THAT's why they don't want single males there...LOL J/K

Just a little confused, that's all...

Jacksonville FL
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"I simply refuse to compete"

As always, Gina nailed it. One doesn't have to be pushy in a social setting to exude confidence. Be the best you you can be, smile and chat and see what happens.

Youngstown OH
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Most house parties go the same way for me. Ms. TWH is always a hot commodity and is usually the first one naked. I, on the other hand, am often on the sidelines, putting an effort into making small talk. Being a voyeur, the awkwardness usually kicks in when I go looking for her, just to see what kind of craziness she's gotten into. We're still fairly new to these social circles, and most of the couples at the parties seem to already know each other, and have their own favorite partners to play with, at least the women seem to. The men seem much more likely to try out someone new. I've never been a socially aggressive person, and this carries into the swinging scene as well; so I just assume it's the way I am, no matter the setting. As has been mentioned before, I still get my fun at the end of the night when we get home. And she's enough of a nympho that the more she gets, the more she wants. So I always know I'm in for a wild ride, no matter how late it is!

Seneca PA
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Wow, that may be the best advice I've read.

Bensalem PA
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Put the same group of people in a different house on a different day and you may have a different mix of sex partners. These things go in circles.

Once you got into the mindset that you were the "ugly duckling" of the group, it stayed in your head and became self-fulfilling. That thought might have passed had you let it, but you let it get in your head and become your behavior, thus true. At least for that situation. Only you actually know the truth of your feelings.

When I go to a party, quite often I am the oldest female, and sometimes the heaviest. If I let those two facts get into my head, they can simmer and make me self conscious. Do I? I try not to. I try to turn it around and I find that people are often surprised pleasantly. I have worried about it in the past, here and there, and it affects my enjoyment. So. I have had enough, actually an abundance, positive experiences where I FELT like the most attractive woman in the room based on responses and attraction from other people to offset any doubts about where I stand in a competitive level of attractiveness. I simply refuse to compete.

There are ALWAYS women who are thinner, fitter, firmer, younger, more seductive, more glamorous, etc. If I think that I am on some line of competition int he looks department, then wow, that would certainly mean I would be at a disadvantage. Women are more brutal than anyone else about competing. So, I don't. I have fun, I try to be "myself," I go to parties with no other expectation than to have a great time, fun with my husband, get to know some interesting people, and whatever else happens is just added enjoyment. And sometimes a surprise. I refuse to be categorized by age, weight, size, inclinations in a negative way by anyone. I do it enough to myself, have had it done to me, in the past, and I'm no longer interested in continuing that negative thought pattern.

Doesn't mean it won't rear its ugly head from time to time. But it isn't my main thought pattern. Here's hoping something similar will not become yours as well. Be you. Be the best you that you care to be. If you had fun seeing your wife have fun, then the party was a success. Did you get laid? Was that your only purpose for attending? Take what you want from a party. Do NOT sit on the sidelines. If being pushy is not you, then you've answered your own question. Who likes pushy anyway? Go with confidence.

Stop assuming that the others thought you didn't measure up. You really don't know this as a fact. You just felt it. Feelings aren't always reliable. In your head, your gut, you know that you were not the "ugliest." Something happened, or didn't, to trigger that kind of a thought and then you let it grow and fester until it immobilized you.

As long as you know that it is your responsibility to change your mindset, you'll go next time with a different point of view. Good luck. Gina

San Antonio TX
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TOPIC: Larger group etiquette with an undesireable