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Larger group etiquette with an undesireable : Swingers Discussion 2116091011
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TOPIC: Larger group etiquette with an undesireable
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Oh no, jealousy is SO not an issue. It's more or less me wondering what would be the right thing to do is such situations. My self esteem is way better as of recently, with my losing some weight as well as toning up at the gym. Not an ego problem, just me finally feeling good about myself. I may be wrong here, but I feel that just because we're all at a house party, with several women, does not mean that they are simply "fair game." I was actually leery of overstepping the line. When it's us and another couple, it's simple. We all hit it off, and if we go somewhere, like a house, hotel room, etc, everyone just goes with the flow. But, I wasn't sure how to handle a house get-together with several couples. I'm sure everyone isn't always attracted to everyone. Add to this, that the women really gave me the vibe that I was the ugly duckling of the bunch, and I really didn't want to make any unwanted advances. The lifestyle has actually done wonders to make me feel more desirable and social, but truth be told, I'm no Brad Pitt. So, if I can feel that the women really don't have any interest in me, do I still try to move in, or was/am I better off just chilling in the sidelines? I'm totally happy that my wife had a great time, and would hang out with the same group if my wife wanted to play with them again. Would that be a bad move?

Redford MI
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We have been in this lifestyle for many years. I have always said to people that communication is the most important thing. If you and your spouse doesn't have that then, we have seen to many couples destroyed because of that. Also I the hubby go through that also. Most want my better half but say I am to old. I never got mad or upset. Frustrated maybe. BUT I have always said this lifestyle is always about the ladies. If they are happy and satisfied then Thats all that matters. I look at it as this. My wife can have all the fun and enjoyment. My fun is just knowing she is having fun. I ALWAYS DO. BUT!!!!! I also look at it like this. When its all said and done I know I am taken care of once we get home or the party is over. We have had house parties for years monthly. I am always taken care of after the party from my better half. To me i win anyway. That may be a way you want to look at this as well. As long as she is happy thats all that matters. Now if thats not good enough to you and you still don't like it then you mite want to stop a while and take a look at the jealousy part of it. Jealousy is an ugly thing and it does rare its head up and if not caught and stopped could end a marriage very fast.

Lynchburg VA
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It was really sweet of you to get through the night so your wife could have a good time. You would have been totally justified in wanting to leave if you felt uncomfortable. You need to discuss this honestly with your partner before even remotely considering partying with this group again. Or any other group. It's hard to believe she could have been totally oblivious to your discomfort. I was always very aware of whether my husband was having fun. I would hope she would have some insight as to why it happened the way it did and whether you can do something about it. Since there are no photos of you visible it isn't possible for anyone to comment on your looks. If there isn't a big disparity in your physical attractiveness and that of the rest of the group, it may be a lack of social skills.

Springfield VA
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Dood - sorry man! Scandle has some great words of wisdom. It's said to many of the ladies here, "don't do anything you are not comfortable with", I would think that would include males?

You took one for the team by not taking one, so to speak. Self evaluation is important and stop comparing yourself to the "other men there". Always be focused on what you bring to the the party like you are the only guy there!

By now I hope you've talked to the Mrs. about this and have a plan for future group outings.

Jacksonville FL
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The aforementioned thread is in Getting Started, The Art of Flirting.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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Milf, since your reading of how you were being treated MIGHT be spot on, I'd suggest making this into an opportunity to look at how you act at parties. There is a recent thread somewhere on the art of flirting, and it has a lot of great advice. Things to consider are whether you smile a lot at the parties, do you stand or sit in such a way that indicates you are open to being approached, do you engage in conversation that indicates you are interesting and interested in the other person, do you dance when that is part of the party? If you are comfortable with your wife playing with other people, does your face show that? Attitude is everything. Do you clean up nicely and dress in a way that compliments your physique? You might need to ask your wife to be brutally honest about what she saw/sees when you go out, and then decide what you are willing to work on.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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It sounds like you might be dealing with some self esteem issues. Unless you were partying with the olympic decathlon team you probably fit in just fine. In any case, discuss your feelings with Ms. Milf. There should be no situations in the lifestyle that would require someone to "suck it up".

Virginia Beach VA
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So, we got a chance to party with a larger group this weekend. Seemed that every person was pretty damn hott, well almost everyone. Early on, over the course of the evening, before heading back to a house, I really got the impression, from mannerisms as well as several random comments, that I wasn't really that attractive compared to the other men in the group. They were all interested in my wife, and she was into them as well. I'm not going to spoil a potentially erotic night for my better half, so I didn't say-do anything to change the overall vibe of the group. I spent the night being the odd man out, except for occasional fun with my wife. I felt incredibly awkward, but didn't tell my wife of my displeasure, as not to spoil her fun. There's potential in playing with these people again. I'm sure she's game. Should I just suck it up, and be the "phantom of the party" again?

Redford MI
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TOPIC: Larger group etiquette with an undesireable