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Jealousy : Swingers Discussion 212549101
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TOPIC: Jealousy
Created by: Daisy67 The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Damnit sb, why are the more interesting people outside of Connecticut!? I am being just me in all of this swinging, and it is grand. I also find it amazing when you have couples who are open, honest and passionate about the whole situation. I'd love to find someone with the same mindset as me/us because I really love the lifestyle. When everyone is on the same page, everything goes so much smoother.

Fact: I've stopped perusing women I find attractive in the vanilla scene because I know they wouldn't allow for our open ended relationships. But I know I could find something better, if that happens, here. Quite frankly, one sexual partner for life is so.... BORING and a social norm. No thanks to that!!

Milford CT
 
 
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We talk about everything afterwards, etc. And the other wife and I usually talk too, depending on our level of friendship, which lately, is very high.

San Antonio TX
 
 
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Recently, I've had a new thought about the whole "jealousy" issue. At some points here and there I've been a bit envious that some girls can do things w my husband that I just simply can't. I wasn't jealous of the girls themselves, just the activities that I would've liked to do. Here is the thing: I LOVE IT that my husband gets to enjoy different things with our friends. I'm happy for him. I've come to realize that I don't have to be the one doing a certain position, for example, with him and that it's fun for him, for the other woman, and in turn for me to be a part directly or indirectly of his fun. There's no room for jealousy when your heart is in the right place with each other, and yes, with yourself and your own capabilities.

Here's what I didn't realize until recently: I am also the one who gets to do things with another man that perhaps can't be done, or just isn't done, with his partner. And the other wife is happy that he got/gets to do those things with me. I never looked at it before from the other wife's point of view like that.

It's pretty cool. It's fun, and everyone is so correct, that you have to have a secure relationship with your partner, in order to really be able to have fun with someone else's. And it's a big plus when you find people with similar mindsets as you. And similar relationships.

Gina

San Antonio TX
 
 
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ExoticButterfly; I'm afraid that I must take exception to your "If you really do love them then swinging is not a life style the relationship can afford". We recently celebrated our 42'nd anniversary and are still Very much in Luv, thank you. We have been swinging for almost twenty years. During those twenty years we've seen our pangs of jealousy but have worked through it to reach calm waters. Love and swinging are perfectly compatible, though perhaps not for Everyone. As we've said to many people, for many years, swinging can be fun but it isn't right for everyone. Some people and relationships just aren't built for it and should move on to explore other avenues of sharing and growth that work better for them.

Fairview Heights IL
 
 
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Most of the time when I have heard of jealousy it's been on the woman's part. I have dealt with the flip side. I am a voyeur and I am bi. So I love bringing women home and watching or joining in. I actually desire to own a throne at some point in my life just so I have a proper place to watch another woman service my man. But I digress. Last time it happened to me it was because I expressed in a playful way that I "loved" some one I was swinging with. I didn't mean it in a romantic way it was said after he made me laugh repeatedly and my partner got jealous. We tried to work on things but insecurity in a person can not be fettered by any amount of conversation and most often it takes years of therapy to uproot the core reasons for their insecurity and that is just time I don't have in life. Whatever the reason is I would say the corresponding partner needs to assess if this is some one they want to stay with life long. If your partner is not your soul mate then move on. The problem will resurface along with other problems, like control issues, cheating etc etc. I have seen it a lot. If you really do love them then swinging is not a life style the relationship can afford. Even if the feelings go unverbalized or noticed in the future they will be present and eventually it will destroy the core of the relationship. Ironically the guy who was jealous is gone from my life and the guy I swing with is still here. That was the second man in my life he made jealous because of our rapport. I am happy I made the right choice as to which one to keep in my life. He is a better friend and lover to me then most men have been and no jealousy issues there.

East Rutherford NJ
 
 
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You know, I used to be the jealous type, but with practice, I got over it. If you're in the right relationship, you don't OWN someone, you chose to be with them. Another person isn't a piece of property per se; they just chose to he with you, so communication is key. I would actually embrace a relationship with utmost and complete honesty because I can separate love from sex. We're merely human, and the idea of sleeping with just one person for the rest of my life is just maddening. As long as whom I'm with is completely open and honest with me about everything, I'd have absolutely no jealousy issues. It's all about communication!!

Milford CT
 
 
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As Just_Curious said, everyone has been there and done that with the jealousy thing. The people who have used their jealousy to grow and solidify their relationship are still around, while the people who don't explore the roots of their jealousy and learn from it are gone.

It's been our experience that jealousy is rooted in fear of loss. If you don't care about something, then you're not going to be jealous about it. If you care about something and fear losing it, then it's best to sit down together and explore Why that fear exists and what you can do Together to alleviate it. At the very least the experience will give you an opportunity to brush-up on your communication skills. That can only help your relationship, whether you stay with swinging or not! :-)

Fairview Heights IL
 
 
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It happens to everyone, at least once. The way to handle it, is when you are alone, and talk, talk, talk, no fighting, no accusations, just talk, and figure out if there is a way to avoid it in the future. If not, then maybe take a break from the LS and work on it. Nobody wants to,be known as " that couple " . But after all is said and done, just remember, you are still a couple and this is just a side recreation.

Shamokin PA
 
 
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TOPIC: Jealousy