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Is there hope for me : Swingers Discussion 37072
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TOPIC: Is there hope for me
Created by: curiouski The original post for this thread was deleted.
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I have found that I have the same issues with the emotional aspects. I have no feelings of jealousy about the sex, but we have become very good friends with a couple and in the last few months I started getting so jealous we had to stop playing in order to salvage the friendship. I felt horrible about it (I was honest with them about what was going on), but don't know why I feel that way or how to change it. If we go out and meet a random couple we're attracted to I enjoy the playing, but with friends it feels odd. What really sucks is Josh is only comfortable when he's friends! lol We can't seem to coordinate our freak tendancies.

Denham Springs LA
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I agree with what's been said, I'll add a little on the jealousy issue. Whether we're swapping or doing a group thing, we approach swinging as something we do together, and even though we're with different partners, we are still on the adventure together. The purpose of the adventure is to have a really good time. You gotta look at it as "Hey cool! she's having a really good time" and be glad that she is having a great time. If you look at it as someone else is having her instead of you, you're gonna feel left out. That's when jealousy starts grabbin ya. Swinging is about recreational sex, not instead of but in addition to what you do with each other, something that the 2 of you do together for fun. And just like anything else that the 2 of you do together for fun, you should each be glad that both had a really great time. Hope this helps, Mike

Bedford PA
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we like valovers have an agreement that when either of us says we are done we both walk away no questions asked. ON emotionall attachments. it depends entirely on what you want need or desire.Some look for the long term relationships,some look for great friendships, some want just great sex,others just want that great one night stand.It all depends on which style fits you the best. From our standpoint we have seen that quite a few have developed a few great friends in the lfiestyle meaning 2-5 couples and the rest are more or less acquantances.People you are comfortable saying hi to having sex with but not hanging out with on a weekly or monthly basis other then in clubs or pubs. Ourselves, we have our friends already, if a longterm friendship developes fine if not we are fine with that also.You will find out that the longer you are in this lifestyle and the stronger firendships you develope the less sex you have with them as time goes by.This is due to the fact that you find other things to do with them other then sex.such as dinner,plays,theatre,concerts ,comedy clubs to name a few.Things that you do with friends Best of luck in finding what works best for yourself

Sarasota FL
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The first thing we did after agreeing that we wanted to try swinging was agree that EITHER of us could "veto" any person or couple, no questions asked, no need to explain why. If either of us wasn't interested in them, or wasn't comfortable with the other playing with that person, then the veto could be exercised and that person or couple is out, period!

The second thing we agreed upon was that if EITHER of us was so uncomfortable with swinging that he/she wanted to stop, we would stop, right then on the spot.

Those were our 2 basic ground rules.

By now we have met hundreds of swingers and include several dozen couples among our "acquaintances" and at least a half dozen couples among our close friends. Our observations and experience lead us to avoid any "long term emotional attachments" and to go for "warm friendships" with several couples at all times. We have seen how "overly strong" emotional attachments have lead to near destruction of two marriages, and how unhappy 2 people are whose spouses have fallen in love with each other.

Swinging is, or should be (in our opinion) a mutually-enjoyable experience that is shared by couples who are totally committed to EACH OTHER. Swinging is exciting, fun, and pleasurable, and increases your respect for and appreciation of each other and vastly improves your communication with and openness with each other. As such, it enriches your marriage immeasurably.

When STRONG emotional attachments to others occur, they tear down all those above-mentioned attributes. They shut down communication, as feelings are kept secret (at least by the person with the strong emotional attachment to someone else). It destroys openness in your relationship. It tears down your respect for and appreciation of each other.

Swinging requires a PARTNERSHIP with your spouse in all decisions. Otherwise it is destructive.

Anyway, that's OUR experience and judgement. We wish you the best in working this out.

Jim

South Riding VA
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TOPIC: Is there hope for me