Is it swinging or something more: Swingers Discussion 72148

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TOPIC: Is it swinging or something more

Created by: profwtcpl Original Starting post for this thread:
I spent years trying to get my wife interested in a threesome with another man. I have always had the desire to see her having sex with another man. As time went by and much discussion and fantasy, she became warm to the idea. I have seen her with a massage therpist on several occasions and a particular one has brought her to orgasm and she seemed to enjoy it a lot. A married friend of ours, they are in the lifestyle, indicated a desire to spend time with her. We all discussed it and decided they would get together a few times to get comfortable and then I would start being invloved. She and him both know of my intense desire to be a part, watching her being satisified and enjoying new experiences. In 3 1/2 years I have only been there twice and not a lot happened. They call each other on a very regular basis and are very close friends. He seems to only be available when I am not or I am out of town. Wife thinks I am being jealous and narrow minded, says it is only sex between two people that are close friends and that she trusts him. She claims not to have "feelings" for him. In the 3.5 years they have been together appx. 15 to 20 times. I do think that he has some performance issues and may be one reason that he does not seem to want me there. Would like comments from people with more experience than I.

Created by: profwtcpl
Original Starting post for this thread:

I spent years trying to get my wife interested in a threesome with another man.  I have always had the desire to see her having sex with another man.  As time went by and much discussion and fantasy, she became warm to the idea.  I have seen her with a massage therpist on several occasions and a particular one has brought her to orgasm and she seemed to enjoy it a lot. A married friend of ours, they are in the lifestyle, indicated a desire to spend time with her.  We all discussed it and decided they would get together a few times to get comfortable and then I would start being invloved.  She and him both know of my intense desire to be a part, watching her being satisified and enjoying new experiences.  In 3 1/2 years I have only been there twice and not a lot happened.  They call each other on a very regular basis and are very close friends.  He seems to only be available when I am not or I am out of town. Wife thinks I am being jealous and narrow minded, says it is only sex between two people that are close friends and that she trusts him.  She claims not to have "feelings" for him.  In the 3.5 years they have been together appx. 15 to 20 times.  I do think that he has some performance issues and may be one reason that he does not seem to want me there.  Would like comments from people with more experience than I.

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User Details are only visible to members.	Profwtcpl - do we have an update on the status of things?
Mountain Ranch CA			Username hidden (8750 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	You have to be careful when it comes to emotions, and not forget that this is not about anything other than recreational sex. That judgement can become very muddy, even when you are intent on it not being that way. In response to the OP, I would say that its time for that relationship to cease. It doesn't matter what the reason is...if it makes you uncomfortable than its time to stop. You should not have to give a list of reasons why, just a simple veto on it should suffice. OR have a man to man talk with this gentleman so he absolutely, without a doubt understands that she is YOUR wife and NOT his girlfriend. Shelly
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23661 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	lvcpl has given you some good advice. I would definately back off from that single male. if you don't want to leave the lifestyle. Ya know we don't often do repeat performances with single just because of the attachment that can build. We had a single male we played with regularly. After a few months he was trying to tell me he loved me and I should be with him. I immediately stopped that in the bud. Orgasms are good but you can find them anywhere. I didn't need his orgasms. I only needed my husband and he crossed that line. He disrespected me and my marriage. Now we don't meet singles often. Most of them we never see again. I wasn't afraid to tell that guy the way it was. Nate is my husband and not him and it isn't important to me at all what he want it to become. It was what it was and its definately not like there is a shortage of well endowed single men on any of these sites. The single who tells me I can't bring my spouse is the single that willbe spending the night alone!
Bridgeport PA			Username hidden (12781 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	lvcpl, thanks a lot for you advice.
Port Aransas TX			Username hidden (11 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Even if they have developed "something too special", this is not necessarily a bad thing. It's called polyamory...loving more than one person. While most swingers will run screaming at the thought of the emotional development, it's quite natural. If this is the case, don't panic...your marraige is still in tact. She may be denying her feelings towards him because "swinging" does not allow for such developments (theoretically). This does not mean that she does not love or want you...she simply found herself in a situation that is outside the boundaries of traditional swinging and doesn't know how to articulate it, or give herself permission to even admit it. (Do some reading on polyamory, polyswinging and compersion for a better understanding.) So...what YOU need to do is sit them both down and explain how you are feeling and what your concerns are. Try not to be too angry...set a safe tone for them to be able to be honest. DO NOT avoid the topic...it's time for a pow-wow. Do yourself a favor and read up on the topics I mentioned above so that you will have some idea of what is going on and what your options are. Just my two cents worth.
Unm NM			Username hidden (1 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thanks again to everone for their comments. They were most helpful. I am trying to look at this from all sides and I appreciate your objective views. Any additional comments are welcome. I don't want to be reading something into this that is not there, but if there are red flags, I want to see them as well. Does she know what she is feeling or not feeling? I don't know, but she says she does. But why the privacy, why do they both have the desire to spend time alone and she admits that. Is that private, personal, a relationship or just another way to swing. Those have been my questions. Thanks again.
Port Aransas TX			Username hidden (11 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	" In you opinion, should I have a problem with the two of them being close friends, talking and getting together alone." Only you can say. Lots of couples would have a problem with it, because they want to swing together, not seperately. Many avoid emotional attachments like the plague - and with good reason. Even so, in my opinion if there is absolute trust, and you are EXTREMELY comfortable about her having deep friendships that include sex (with and without you) then it's all good. It may be akin to a sanctioned affair? a hall pass for a 1 on 1 friends-with-benefits relationship? If you are fine with her having an intimate sexual friendship with another man that will only sometimes include you, that's fine with me. Question is, are YOU fine with it? Since she is happy to do it, my advice is she take a break from this playmate, and instead seek out a new sex buddy who will gladly include you. Work on playing as a MFM 3-some. I have to say, this arraingement wouldn't be our cup of tea. For us, its about the two of us having sex together, while including a second male for tag team and three way play.) The two of you will have to work out what it is for you. These experiences should leave you both with a smile on your face, and lead to even hotter sex between the two of you. If this is what it is, it's all good. If not, it's time to make a new plan.
Pismo Beach CA			Username hidden (302 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	If she says they are close friends....there is some type of emotion there. Close friendships equate to emotional attachments of some sort. The key is what type of emotional attachment. How deeply does she care for her friend is the key. She didn't say they were friends.....she said they were close friends. Theres a difference. Personally, I can't imagine myself ever having a male close friend in swinging..... that would make me extremely uncomfortable. I have cut off a couple of friendships with couples in the past because the male was starting to get too attached to me emotionally.
Mountain Ranch CA			Username hidden (8750 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Simbaxx Thanks to you as well. Is it common for women to feel emotion for someone that they play with on a regular basis. She says that there is no emotion, just close friends. Even in the beginning, she was opposed to going to clubs or running a profile, but was ready to pursue this if the right guy came along. Eventually he did, and he talked to me about it as well as her. Finding someone new is something we both want. She thinks that finding a couple may make everyone more comfortable, and I agree.
Port Aransas TX			Username hidden (11 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thanks again for your reply, Two4. Question. In you opinion, should I have a problem with the two of them being close friends, talking and getting together alone. Is it only a matter of trust, is this normal in some cases. Do you see something underlying here. We are talking about it, she is not opposed to someone else in addition or only someone else. But we are wondering if she will find someone with whom she has the attraction for and the trust with. She totally understands my concerns and wants me there as much as possible, knows what it will do for us, but she would still like to have some time alone as well. I know that there are other couples that swing alone, but in this case do you see an attachment or do you feel that she is honest with herself and me. Says that there is absolutely no feelings, he is a close friend, nothing more. She likes the attention he gives, attracted to him physically, he knows how to turn her on, likes the kissing, says the sex could be better but the comfort level is so important to her. Assures me that when her walks out, it was all about sex and fun.
Port Aransas TX			Username hidden (11 post)

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TOPIC: Is it swinging or something more

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