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TOPIC: Is_Everyone_Just_Too_busy
Created by: sjbluebirds
Original Starting post for this thread:
We've been members of SLS for a number of years, and we've had some fun playtime with some wonderful friends; and we've had met some really good people, too, with whom we just didn't 'click'.

All of our play has been 'soft' play. We've decided we're ready to make the jump to full swap ("wild" has been added to our profile, and now we can't meet anyone, any more: Schedules just don't work out when we try to meet (One couple we've been trying to meet for nearly three months, but we just can't get all four of us together -- even for an initial meet over coffee -- because of schedule conflicts).

Other times it's picture collectors contacting us. Sometimes it's someone looking to cheat (and we don't play that way). Other times there are people who are just plain old rude.

This has been the situation for .... well, substantially longer than we expected. Is this the 'new normal'? Or is it just us?

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"No amount of chat or email will ever give us as much information as the first two minutes of a face to face meeting."

You are so right.

Windermere FL
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Some couples just have a hard time saying that they're not interested so they make excuses for not meeting that come across to the other couple as scheduling conflicts. When someone we're interested in emails us we open our pics and email back asking for a meeting date. We don't ask a lot of other questions because everything should be covered in their profile and their face pics should be open when they email us. If they can't come up with a meeting date we ask them get back to us when they have one. End of story, no further communication. We learned during our first few months in the lifestyle that the ones that want to chat, trade pics off site, or send endless emails are either fakes or too scared to meet anyway. We have never voice verified and have never been stood up on a date. No amount of chat or email will ever give us as much information as the first two minutes of a face to face meeting.

Virginia Beach VA
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Truth time:

One thing I try hard to do is be honest in looking at ourselves:

We have done the very same thing. I'm not proud of it. In some cases it's not that we want to write the people off, and actually hope we do meet them someday, but hopefully at a party or something where no investment is lost in time and prep if we aren't right for them.

Windermere FL
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VA Beach. Exactly!!

Mount Juliet TN
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To the OP:

How familiar does this sound:

It's high school.. guy asks girl out. Girl doesn't want to hurt his feelings... and says she's "busy"... forever. Makes excuses, invents obligations, etc.

When people become difficult about scheduling - for MONTHS - we know they aren't for us. Either they have their own internal conflicts or they just aren't actually interested. If they were really interested, they'd make it happen.

I liked to use this analogy: The President (any President) is a pretty busy guy. Very full schedule, much of it planned to the minute months in advance. But, if he wanted to pull together a couple of hours next week one evening, he could make it happen. If he *wanted* to.

Windermere FL
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My topic of choice to write about. lol

Simple. Its not a "schedule conflict"

There could be many reasons, but odds are you are not talking to 2 people in a couple who are serious, and ready to meet.

We now are very quick to set a meet. G-rated. Public place. No expectation to play. But nonetheless meet in person. Any more than a few emails or contacts without a commitment to meet, we move on.

The pattern is the same. Night after night, week after week of chatting and they are "home hanging out, doing nothing"

Bring up meeting and its "Ohhh boy...I gotta check my schedule...Its a busy time....Maybe we can try next friday night, I think ill be free"

Or if they set to meet, 9 out of 10 will cancel.

80 hours is not a rare work week for me. PLUS I work part time jobs here and there in addition. My wife works 3 jobs part time.

If we want to meet, we make it happen.

Its always the same type of people. Cant schedule a meet, but like clockwork they still want to chat online every night.

Mount Juliet TN
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House parties with *30* couples?!!! Wow! That's more than all the active LS couples where we live. LOL

Wailuku HI
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Hey sjbluebirds. No you aren't venting. Thats what the forums are for to help. I know for us we used to have monthly house parties with an average of 30 couples. The trick is finding one that like ours, stress free. Ours if you wanted to walk around naked go for it. If you wanted to play. go for it. If you didn't want to play but socialize go for it. We had loads of fun and made great friends. Scheduling is a big thing. We have good friends of ours that don't live to far from us. WE ALL HAVE CHILDREN. I am retired and my better half has a government job. They all travel for work so we don't see them but once or twice a year. WHEN WE DO "WOW". So don't get frustrated it will happen where all line up and you will have a blast. I hope that helps some.

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Now that I have connection attempt experience; I can say that the appeal of using profiles and mail to make connections is gone.

The emails feel like interviews, then there are the hoops of matching schedules and getting everything to work out to meet. And we are doing all of those across the net where some things are lost. All that has been very stressful to me and we have not actually met anyone even.

I can compare that to having attended a club. While I can say I was very nervous, I was lost trying to interact comfortably and naturally; it was overall a less stressful way to meet people and I enjoyed the experience. I hope to feel less out of my element next time since I know what to expect.

An upside to clubs is that you don't have to worry about a no show, even if you arrange to meet someone there; if they don't show, you can enjoy socialising, dancing and meeting someone new. It's not a failed night.

Denham Springs LA
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@janddact - Great idea about the 2 emails. We're doing that right now with a couple. We all wanted to meet up and were trying to figure a date and then....poof! They disappeared for 2 months. Now they are back online and want to start chatting back up again. I've been polite, but are leaving it in their hands at this point.

They are also really cagey about pix. And when they send them, they're over a year old. Hmmmmmmm......

Wailuku HI
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TOPIC: Is Everyone Just Too busy
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