Introducing a guy into the lifestyle: Swingers Discussion 202335

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TOPIC: Introducing a guy into the lifestyle

Created by: TotalBabe Original Starting post for this thread:
So, for a good while, I have been reading, posting, interacting, giving advice, and having lots of fun with y'all... I absolutely love and adore all aspects of the lifestyle! However, now it is me, who needs some sincere input and thoughts. There is this totally vanilla guy, who showed up in my life absolutely out of the blue. There is no telling, if anything will happen, I have just met him. Whether or not things progress beyond this loose acquaintance level, I still need to know, how to tell a guy, I am in the lifestyle!!! I browsed the forums, came across some advice in older topics, however, just about all information found applied to introducing a woman into swinging. Hell, I was introduced to swinging last year, and now I fully embrace it, lol. I can attest to the fact, that the advice I found on easing a woman into swinging, was excellent :) How, and when, do I tell a guy I might date (be it this guy or ANY guy I might meet sometime in the future), without him freaking out??? Thanks y'all!

Created by: TotalBabe
Original Starting post for this thread:

So, for a good while, I have been reading, posting, interacting, giving advice, and having lots of fun with y'all... I absolutely love and adore all aspects of the lifestyle! However, now it is me, who needs some sincere input and thoughts. 

There is this totally vanilla guy, who showed up in my life absolutely out of the blue. There is no telling, if anything will happen, I have just met him. Whether or not things progress beyond this loose acquaintance level, I still need to know, how to tell a guy, I am in the lifestyle!!!

I browsed the forums, came across some advice in older topics, however, just about all information found applied to introducing a woman into swinging. Hell, I was introduced to swinging last year, and now I fully embrace it, lol. I can attest to the fact, that the advice I found on easing a woman into swinging, was excellent :)

How, and when, do I tell a guy I might date (be it this guy or ANY guy I might meet sometime in the future), without him freaking out???

Thanks y'all!

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User Details are only visible to members.	LOL!
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	For Total Babe Instead of trying to convince or persuade him, go to a coastal restaurant, have crab cakes and a rum cocktail, and tell him a story about a friend you have on Facebook who went to Eyz Wide Shut in Tampa for a swinging encounter. It would your way of telling a story of the swinging lifestyle to him without letting him know it is you who have the interest. Just let him react, and you will begin the 'desensitization' process. Or just bring him to Tampa and meet us in Lover's Lane, play pool, and join us in Neptune's Grotto!
Treasure Is FL			Username hidden (6109 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Great advice. If its something that you know you would not be willing to give up if you got serious, get it right out there. Get into conversation where the topic comes up and see what his reaction is to it. You may be surprised and find out he is interested. I dont know too many people who dont have the thought in their mind but are afraid to come out and say it. My wife and I started playing in this LS not long after we first started dating and I was upfront in my feelings of sexual monogamy. Personally I dont like it, I dont think I could live that way without "slipping up" and I also dont think monogamy works for most relationships. By us being in an open type relationship removes most of the issues that we see other couples having. Jealousy, suspicion. Wondering where he/she is. All of that puts pressure on a relationship. Knowing my wife. She has had plenty of opportunities to "cheat" on me in situations she has been in. And shes acted on it. I have no doubt in my mind that if we werent swingers, knowing how it went down, she would have still had the same experience. Same with me as a guy. Here I am, 1000 miles away from home. Here is a girl that I KNOW wants to do it. My wife would never find out. Shes hot, im horny. I dont know how many guys would NOT act on that if there were no chance of getting caught. So if we werent swingers we would still have some of the same experiences we do now. Just the other would be in the dark. That would be dangerous, create suspicion, and if one of us did get caught, potentially devastating consequences. To me, having sex with others is just a natural thing. Where do you see monogamy in the animal world? You dont really. And I dont think humans are programmed any different. I think you can take the most devoted monogamous person. Put them in a safe location with someone who is good at seduction, and very few will stop it cold. Yes, there are exceptions. But I know for me. You put me 1000 miles away from home with a hot girl thats all over me, wants me, and nobody else will find out. I know I couldnt resist that. So we were just honest early in our relationship about that kind of stuff. I have found myself in that situation. The only difference is I sneak off somewhere for a minute and shoot my wife a text confirming "Its ok" She has found herself in those situations and then tells me about it. I happen to find it a huge turn on and encourage it. So when my wife is hanging out in a situation with a guy, and she doesnt answer her phone. Instead of calling her, getting worked up, suspecting, and getting jealous.......Im hoping she isnt answering because theyre "busy" But I dont think for a second if we werent open.......That it wouldnt happen anyway.
Mount Juliet TN			Username hidden (662 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I agree with Akron's advice and think what's in his quotes is a really good way of starting the conversation. But I also think if you do take the time to get to know him a little bit first, (maybe before you have sex with him) you can get a read on how open or not open he may be to even understanding this lifestyle. I mean, if he seems to be closed minded or searching for someone special to bring home to mom and have a zillion kids with, perhaps it wouldn't go over so well. On the other hand, if he sincerely seems like he is seeking fun out of life, it could potentially go over very well. I realize either way it's assumptions, but if you don't want to tell every tom, dick or Ivan, lol, that you seem to like, about your lifestyle on the first date, you may have to trust your instinct based on a little knowledge of him. I also don't think you should let too much time go by either. ...just a little to feel him out. lol. ... JMO ;)
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	It's imperative you start the relationship off on a strong footing of honesty. If the dood can't handle your lifestyle choices (smoking, swinging, eating Indian food, whatever), it's better he know early on in the relationship. "Ivan, we need to talk about something I'm very passionate about and I hope you will hear me out before forming your opinion of who I am. This is a small part of my life BUT a significant part and I intend to continue it. I enjoy the swinging lifestyle..."
Avondale LA			Username hidden (4496 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thank you all for the wise words :) I do realize, spilling the beans early would not be a good idea. But let's say, I am seeing someone, and we both want to progress further. It has been mentioned here, to let the topic come to me. I understand the concept of that. My question now is, what actual words do I use to tell him I swing? At this point I know, I should make it sound positive and enjoyable, and that is because it is positive and enjoyable for me! So, how do I word it? What would you say?
Panama City Beach FL			Username hidden (1929 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Unless you are discussing a long term relationship with him it makes zero sense to discuss who else you date whether it's another man, a couple or a chick. If a long term relationship is imminent and you plan to stay active in swinging you must tell him before it progresses too far. Honesty. Always works best.
Avondale LA			Username hidden (4496 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I've been in similar circumstances when spending time with vanilla lady friends. Timing is everything. I'm naturally more of a listener anyway, so it's unlikely that I'll bombard her with all the information at one time. Be open, honest and forthcoming, and relaxed about it. Let the topic come to you rather than forcing it. The opportunity will arise when talking about your interests, experiences, fantasies, etc. It's all about natural progression, yet another Zen quality. :-)
Emeryville CA			Username hidden (12135 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I think it depends on how you think things will progress with this person. I agree with the other two about the very beginning, but if you feel like this is someone you could see yourself progressing with or "falling for," you might want to let them know before it gets too involved. It wouldn't be too pleasant if you started really developing feelings for him only to have him run away screaming with arms flailing :) when he finds out and if he is not ok with it. Personally to me, honesty is of greatest importance to me...especially in a relationship. My philosophy is we can get past anything as long as you tell me...lying and deceiving are VERY hard for me to get past. Mr Sin
Copperas Cove TX			Username hidden (21 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I agree with M. I don't think there is any reason, to say anything, in the very beginning. Carrie
Corpus Christi TX			Username hidden (16510 post)

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TOPIC: Introducing a guy into the lifestyle

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