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Inappropiate before meeting : Swingers Discussion 212374101
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TOPIC: Inappropiate before meeting
Created by: lgsbcs
Original Starting post for this thread:
I know how I want to deal with it but we need some advice, suggestions, comments on what we should do about this???

A couple contacted us to meet,we exchanger a number of email and phone # to confirm they are a couple. Arranged a meeting date time and place. Everything sounds good so far no red flags, we still have not meet yet. The Mr. of the couple has started to text and sext my Mrs at all different times of the day including at night when she is working NO she was not returning the texts. Remember we still have not meet!!! I think this is inappropriate and crossing a line, my Mrs didn't think it was to bad till last night when he was texting her at work with some very graphic pic and language, that can get her fired in a heart beat.

1.So should I tell him to just cool it till we meet or 2.Tell him fuck you you blew it we don't want to meet any more do not contact us again ever or 3.Call and set up an earlier meet and beet the shit out of him then tell him #2

ya ya I know this is a sex site and we are swingers blah blah blah

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well, its like I tell Jay. Its not the sex to me, it is the person. For instance, there is a girl we know who we will probably end up doing a FMF with soon. Incredibly sexual, fun, intelligent, great girl. And I know all she is looking for is fun like us. I would have no issue at all for Jay to hook up with her in the day, fuck each other's brains out, and be home for family time in the evening. Not a problem at all, so long as I am allowed the same accord in return. And then there is another girl. Same dynamic....but I trust her about as far as I can throw her ass. She is getting older, she is lonely and she is desperate. And my female vibe goes bap bap bap bap bap every time she is around me. Don't trust and I have no intention of trusting her. I would not trust that braud with my cat. Couples are pretty much the same way. Given, I am a notoriously horrific flirt. BUT lol...I'm alright with sexting when I know a person well. But, it goes with the couple, their issues, the scenario, etc.

San Marcos TX
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After re-reading my post, and looking at the others, I (hubby) think I may come off as a bit of a hard ass on this topic. Both of us think that flirting and verbal foreplay are huge turnons, and we encourage both. But the texting stuff too early on in a friendship is (in my book) inappropriate. We haven't yet established an ongoing play and friend relationship with anyone, so should that happen, and as time goes on, an occasional flirty text is probably no big deal. But it seems to be a bit of a violation of the intimacy between the guy and his wife when done too early in a friendship.

Personally, I would feel uncomfortable doing this with another woman at any point, but that's just me. And everyone is different. But I think that even with all the hot play and intimacy, a man should still be a gentleman. And along with the potential for problems at work or elsewhere (such as an unintended third party seeing such a text), it just doesn't seem like a good idea, at least early on. I don't mean to be judgmental, though, and others might be okay with it. Vive la difference!

Tempe AZ
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I stopped giving out my information completely because of the issues the original poster stated. We have one IM that Jay monitors mainly. We had the same issue, even with couples we knew already. Once hubby had my IM or cell number that was it, it was like Jay was no longer there. And that causes stress on me because i did not want him thinking I was engaging in such crap or encouraging it, you do not know...do you feel like an ass and say stop it or do you tell the wife...ugh. If we reach a point where we are actively playing with others again we will def have one address, not tied to my personal information. Cell phones are a necessity once you agree to meet..but we give out Jay's number.

San Marcos TX
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It is a respect thing, The relationship is very young, no trust has been built, neither party knows each other very well. so sexting are even texting the wife is showing a lack of respect. The relationship can build to where this is perfectly ok after trust has been built over time. This is my short answer on this subject....

Shreveport LA
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Agree with Rowdyones. And I (male half) would take it a step further. I think it's generally a bad idea to give the guy the wife's cell number. Some guys will take it too far and start sexting. I realize that if you have a long term play relationship with a couple (we don't have that-yet), you can probably rely on them to not step over any lines. But to me, sexting is a line that doesn't need to be crossed. Outside of the tastelessness, it can get someone in trouble at work, and complicate the whole relationship. And I'll admit that it pisses me off. :))

Tempe AZ
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I will give you the same advice I give single women:

1) Get a google voice number and do not give out your real cell phone number etc. Google voice numbers can be forwarded to your phone when and if you choose. So if you are working you can shut that feature off from your pc or even your smart phone, tablet etc. You can also block individual numbers should you decide that you no longer wish to talk to a specific person.

2) Make a "swinging only" email address. Make is different then any other emails. This way people do not have the email address you use for facebook or work. Do not use anything personal when making this email address. Use your sls name.

3) Set your boundaries with play partners. All relationships should be based on 4 principles: Complete Honesty, Effective Communication, Unconditional Trust and Mutual Respect. You need to be completely honest and effectively communicate that this person has crossed the line.

I recently had an issue where some one was doing something similar. Not to the point of rude communication but just trying to immerse them self into my life in a way that made me uncomfortable. He was asking me all sorts of personal questions and making comments on who I should be pursuing for dating purposes. It was definitely a play for control on his part. Of course when I asked the same of him in return he said all he wanted was NSA. I tried to explain to him politely several times that I was uncomfortable with him "taking up re-estate" in my life with out giving up any in his and he didn't get it. So I had to cut him off. My point is that you should try to take the high road and work with this person but some times there are people you just can not reach so if they keep putting you in an uncomfortable position you need to walk away.

East Rutherford NJ
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If you met him through a swing site and he has been a member for any length of time....If he has no certs he's not in a couple...bank on it

Rosemont IL
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Hi, i hear ya! I am a single female and have gotten that half of the cpl a few times. One man texted me and said that he wanted to know if i would meet him to see if there was any attraction. I quickly told him what he could do with that idea, and quickly alerted his other half about this. I don't do anything with the female sexually being that i am straight, but that is no reason that he should do that, after all she wanted to arrange her and me for him as a birthday surprise. Imagine her surprise, he wanted to have his cake and eat it too,lol. That is a no go with me.

Sharon Hill PA
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Betcha he's either sneaking around his wife or he has no wife. Either way, they're not going to get 'her number' if they don't already have one.


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This is a big NO, NO, I would tell him never to contact you again. We had something like that happen to us and the guy was calling our home phone at all hours. We never met and we will never meet. It would be cool if you had his wife's number you could call er and see what she thinks about it.

Presque Isle WI
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TOPIC: Inappropiate before meeting