Husband lost control in our first couples experience Need advice!: Swingers Discussion 1957171091

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TOPIC: Husband lost control in our first couples experience Need advice!

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User Details are only visible to members.	sure, of course it could have. (i didn't Re-read the OP) ...and i completely understand what you're saying too. :) ...if i should ever become what is considered to be 'experienced' in the lifestyle, i could see me choosing the same as you. people new to the lifestyle have a lot of things to work out...
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Many good points have been made here already that I can't really add to, so I'll address a different part of the OP. She wrote: Interesting thing...I am the hot chick. The woman he was with was average & he wasn't all that interested in her physically. So now I wonder, what would he do if the woman is really hot? Babe, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. YOU think of yourself as "the hot chick" but it's possible your husband actually found her averageness to be more appealing at the time. The fact that they both thoroughly enjoyed the sex they were having with each other indicates there was a lot of impetus to keep it going hot and heavy. This does not excuse your husband's disregard of you, but can help you put it into another perspective.
Sheboygan Falls WI			Username hidden (6937 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Also if you read the Op. She was upset with her husband's action the minute they began to play and confronted him at the start. Do you think that maybe her demeanor from that point on had an adverse affect on the enjoyment of her playmate, and was the direct cause of his coldness toward her as the night went on.
New Orleans LA			Username hidden (2186 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I'm not saying that couples should discuss lifestyle issues. But it is very apparent that the OP's and the couple they were with, issues overflowed into their play time and effected every one involved. That's definitely not something we want in our play time. For us the lifestyle has one purpose and that's to enjoy sexually uninhibited experiences, not to be involved in other people's doubts and insecurities. Hence our desire to only play with experienced couples.
New Orleans LA			Username hidden (2186 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	@sweetart ...i dont think drama happened 'with' the playmates. it didnt for me anyway. Are you calling ....'needing to communicate problems with your own spouse' ...after a playdate, 'drama' ? Of course, being new at anything is when you will make the most mistakes... so i can appreciate those who don't want to play with newbies. i'm still curious of what this 'sex trance' is tho.. ... I was not offended by our loss of connection (i understood it actually) ...i was more like... 'wow... wtf is goin on with these two... are they ever gonna come out it??? ' i still think it had much to do with the alcohol... they were the drinkers, me and the other hubby were definitly 'too' sober.
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	This is why we don' play with newbies. And when people have, no drama in their profiles, this is one of the things their talking about. Yall are putting way to much thought into this, it's just sex, relax and go with the flow. if your not ready for prime time stay with the cartoons.
New Orleans LA			Username hidden (2186 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	kinddraggon and Holly make very good points. I agree you shouldn't let it continue. I guess what I was getting at is what Holly said much better. You need to let a little time go by so you're not overly emotional about it and you can have a serious conversation that yields results. As for the other husband deserving blame for being jealous, I'm not sure I'd assign much blame there. Maybe disappointment that he didn't do much to comfort her. Having been with couples in MFM situations, the husbands always have to be on the lookout for guys with dishonest motives. I've read on these forums that a good number of the emails couples receive from guys ask if they can play without the husband present. It's an unfortunate reality that there are a lot of guys out there who think they can steal wives or end up stalking the woman. Maybe he was too sensitive to the other guys' actions, but I can see where something he perceived to be out of the ordinary could push him into protection mode. Even though I'm a single guy, I can't blame husbands for being sensitive to that. It does frustrate me, though, that there are guys who foster that skepticism in the minds of husbands.
Fort Washington MD			Username hidden (40 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	@hollymmmm... that was a great post. ...thank you for its length too! lol... it's hard finding compatible couple partners! we loved this couple at dinner! ...and then it all went to shit in the bedroom lol.. (for me and the other husband anyway) if my husband and i didn't 'really talk this one' out (and agree about giving space before talking) i probably wouldn't even still be pursuing it. ...hoping to hear back from Boyd soon :)
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	These are all reasons why we have yet to play with a couple. With a single, all are involved at the same time. there is no loss of a connection.
Chambersburg PA			Username hidden (845 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I'm not married... so I know my experience is different... but I had a swing partner for about a year. We became best friends and attended clubs and parties together. We also did some couple swaps. We ran in to similar issues - where he would be sooo focused on the other lady that I would feel completely left out and one time, I was very unhappy with my experience with the man and was even more perturbed that my partner was oblivious to my signals because he was so focused on the other lady. This next advice comes from my personal experiences in the LS coupled with my educational background (Professor of Interpersonal Communication). It's not a good idea to confront the issue while you're still emotional about it. You will both be more likely to become defensive and say things that are hurtful. So, once you have a bit of distance from the emotions of that evening, you definitely do need to discuss how you are both feeling about couple swap. Try to identify specific behavior that triggers your negative emotional response. For instance, I found that I didn't like the separation of seperate beds. I wanted to be able to reach out touch my partner when I needed to feel that connection. As you identify issues that bothered each of you, come up with solutions for them. Perhaps you will have some code phrases that will indicate circumstances such as "i am very unhappy so please wrap up so we can leave." Perhaps you will create new rules for your couples swap time , such as same bed play or start with your own spouse first or.... As for the specifics of the situation you described in your post, it sounds like your husband shouldn't bear all the blame. The man you were with wasn't very respectful either. He denied you even a kiss a few times (which ideally your husband should have heard and realized there was a problem). It sounds like the man you were with did become jealous of the experience his wife was having. That's not your husband's fault. Now one thing my partner taught me early on was that he strives to pay attention to where the other couple is in their play so that he matches it - he said it was poor etiquette to go longer than the other couple or to do things with the wife that the other man wasn't doing with the lady. I know this is lengthy.. and at 3am ! lol... but I suppose my main message is that this LS needs great communication to be a success.
Pittsburgh PA			Username hidden (4058 post)

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TOPIC: Husband lost control in our first couples experience Need advice!

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