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Husband lost control in our first couples experience Need advice! : Swingers Discussion 1957171021
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TOPIC: Husband lost control in our first couples experience Need advice!
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I find that whole, no emotional entanglement as the ultimate taboo fascinating.

I am a firm believer in the fact that you can not steal another if they don't want to be stolen (so to speak). In other words, you can agree to all the rules on earth, but reality is often different. Sex is okay, but you'd have a cow and find it cheating if for example she began developing emotional feelings toward another man.

For my husband and I there are no such rules. We understand that it's impossible to impose and enforce such rules. Despite our love and connection with each other we are secure enough in our relationship to understand the fact that if our love isn't strong enough for each other then the seams will come apart at the very next opportunity for an emotional attachment with another. Neither one of us wants to force the other to deny themselves, neither one of us wants to be with a partner whom if denied because of rules, would wonder for the rest of their lives whether they made the right decision. We both holds the outlook that we are not in this relationship to guilt our partner into staying with us. We're together because we want to be together, out of complete free will.

Rumson NJ
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You must keep him in stitches.

Port Canaveral FL
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I love driving my husband nuts like that!

Woodridge IL
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and the simple fact of it is, this is NOT for everyone. Like not all jobs are for everyone...there are couples who should really stay happily monogamous.


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Thanks sweet :)

Personally I think that for many couples, swinging is one-sided.

One half of the couple wants to do it......REALLY wants to do it. And the other half goes along with it. They sit down, hammer out rules and start their dabbling.

Many cannot make the disconnect between "making love" and having sex.

In my view. My wife can have sex with who she wants when she wants. She can call me and tell me she just fucked the hot delivery guy in the stock room at work......And that would be awesome in my mind.

Now. Should I find out that she is texting back and forth with a guy, going to dinner, hanging out or becoming close friends with a guy........THAT would set me on alert and I would have a problem with that. THAT is against OUR rules.

THAT to me is cheating. Carrying on an emotional connection behind your partners back.

Sex however. There is nothing either one of us could do sexually that would be cheating.

If I go away on business and get laid. I call and tell her about it. Same in reverse. Nobody thinks anything of it.

I LOVE when she has out of the blue chance encounters without me knowing first. I find it a huge turn on.

But OUR definitions and other couples may not be the same.

Personally, I dont have a problem playing with a married guy. Yes, morally its wrong. But I see it as just sex. Im not trying to take him away from his family or his wife. I want nothing to do with their relationship. We're just getting off.

Now.....What I just said would flip many people out that I have that opinion.

And with that said. My wife isnt keen on playing with "cheating" people either.....So we dont do it.

But I personally would rather have a married cheating guy in a threesome with my wife, because I know he has a lot to lose and a lot to think about should he want to go beyond sex with my wife.

A single guy has nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Mount Juliet TN
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It sounds like the problems were more with the other couple than yourselves.

Not everyone swings the same.

We are totally laid back....Dont have "rules" so to speak and just go with things like we would if we met someone on the street.

I dont care what my wife is doing as long as she is having fun. Same with me. They can do same room, other room, go out in the car, on the neighbors grass.....It doesnt make me bat an eye.

She used to "make sure I was always included" and all that did was put un needed stress on her thinking I would be upset if I wasnt being touched the whole time. She didnt realize there was no need for that.

But we have experienced couples like you described. Yes, usually new. But they go into swinging not very sure of themselves and set up a whole list of ground rules that dont always go with the flow.

Some people want to play. But once they get off, they start thinking, analyzing and worrying about their partner...."Having too much fun" "Enjoying themselves too much" And then they start feeling insecure about themselves and all that jazz.

Maybe that works for some people. Me, I prefer a couple with a little experience to know whether or not they like it. We tend to shy away from couples with RULES. Not saying that we dont respect others wishes and boundaries, but when you're in the middle of sex.....It sucks to have to stop and catch yourself from "touching this or kissing that" or whatever.

Many couples who are playing in this game have other issues and they probably shouldnt be playing.

Mount Juliet TN
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You have to be careful about a situation before you get into it. If you did not discuss what would happen and something goes wrong just communicate. I have been in situations with my Daddy and I have gotten jealous. I just stop and say Im getting jealous and then everyone seems to just work it out. Dont wait until after its over. Then things go to far. The time I got jealous the other woman and him understood and we just changed postitions and I was happy and everything went great. Sometimes as women we can just feel left out and not loved. It is really about mistaking sex as love and as women we have to realize that if our man is fucking someone it does not mean they still dont love you. Enjoy it! Embrace it. Love it!

Citrus Heights CA
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Akron- You are a grumpy curmudgeon with a secret marshmallow interior!

Boyd gave as good as she got.... Lots of people do and it all usually works out.

Sed- thank you but I just looked over my last several posts and I need lay off the sermons.

Cincinnati OH
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Well stated Boyd. You are right to call a spew a spew.

Amherst Canada
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Finally, I do have a few words for AkronFT. Over the years that I have participated in forums, I have learned that there's always the quintessential self righteous bullies that seem to get their rocks off being aggressive & overbearing. For whatever reason, they have this pathological need to be heard. And they always have their cronies that follow along with them. What a "delightful" bunch you are! I'm certain that you feel that I should be honored that I have been blessed with your jaded "opinions". I decided to look back at your previous posts here on SLS to see the "wisdom" that you so happily spew forth upon others on this site. And as expected, there's a profound pattern I observed in your postings. There's no in-between with you.Either you are joking & jovial OR you're attacking & demanding to be heard. AND if the person disagrees with you,then it's your automatic defense mechanism to proclaim that they are in "denial",they have self esteem issues & they don't want to hear YOUR "truth." There's only one word that comes to mind when I read your ranting posts. Let me enlighten you with the definition,as I have seen in SEVERAL of your previous posts...it's something you enjoy doing. NARCISSISM: A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem."

Oh, I find that last part especially interesting! "Unconscious deficits in self-esteem." Hmm, I think that hits the nail on the head. You throw the word "insecure" around in your posts. If anyone has any issue, well, it's obviously because they are insecure according to the Bible of AkronFT, right? It most definitely sounds like you have some "unconscious deficits" that you are projecting upon others.In reading your posts,it was also quite amusing to see how pissed you become when anyone tries to refute the Great AkronFT. REALLY ruffles your feathers & that's when you go into a tirade. It's a pattern that you have repeated over & over here on SLS. So... either you are a narcissist or you are just a crazy man with a raging case of diarrhea of the mouth. I'm hoping it's the aforementioned, because as my grandfather always used to say "A crazy man doesn't know he's crazy". With that being said, I have absolutely no desire to hear any of your so-called "wisdom" & I will just read the intelligent posts and learn from them. You just need to keep in mind, EVERY couple has a different way of swinging. And just because they don't swing or think the way you do, does NOT make it wrong. Expectations & rules for swingers who have been doing it for OVER A QUARTER OF A CENTURY compared to those of us just getting started....we are a million MILES apart in our approach & what we want out of our experiences. And I am also QUITE certain that our definition of respect isn't the same as yours either.Take note of those members who conduct themselves with dignity & decorum. Of particular note....Savandwin. They are a class act & if you will look at the thread, "A FEW QUESTIONS FROM A NEWBIE COUPLE" you will see no accusations, no finger pointing. Just the understanding, Hey...you know what...sometimes things go wrong, especially when it's all new to you. Here's some ideas that you can try... As a matter of fact, the way Mrs. S describes their play is exactly the way we want to play & I am glad I left this thread to find posters who know how to handle themselves appropriately in a public forum such as this. You can come back at me with both barrels blazing, but I'm done. You are not wasting anymore of my time & when I see you spewing off on other threads...I'll just keep my grandfather's wise words in mind. :)

Cincinnati OH
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TOPIC: Husband lost control in our first couples experience Need advice!