Husband lost control in our first couples experience Need advice!: Swingers Discussion 195717101

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TOPIC: Husband lost control in our first couples experience Need advice!

Created by: Boyd93 Original Starting post for this thread:
We just had our very first couples experience and I need advice! My husband lost control & had total & complete tunnel vision.We have been in the lifestyle for a while now & have had several MFM's and only one MFF. Every time we have had an MMF, I have always been tuned in to my husband & I've always made sure that he feels a part of any playtime we have. We recently had our first couples experience. (We are full swap.) We met, had drinks, &enjoyed some one on one flirting before heading to the room. But things went very wrong as soon as we got to the room.My husband was so excited to be with another woman & became rude & dismissive of me, grabbing his partner & getting down to business. I am no drama queen by any means, but damn it...there he goes breaking the rules from the get go.Our number one rule..."ALWAYS treat each other with respect." I called him out on it, he apologized and I left it at that. I wanted to play & have fun and I wasn't going to dwell on it. We began to play, same room, separate beds. All was great. We were all having lots of hot sexy fun. My partner finished well before my husband, who kept going WAY longer... then I could see that her husband was getting upset. My husband was ignoring both me & her husband. He never looked at me, never spoke a word to me... Very different than how he we interact usually. So then I tried to get my partner to kiss me...he refused. Ugh! So I politely asked her husband if it was OK if I went over there & I started getting freaky as possible with his wife. My husband finally finished. The rest of the night was a bust. My partner laid there & refused to touch me, so I played with them. But I really wanted the full swap experience rather than 10 minutes, it's over, & then he's rude to me. The evening ended way early with my partner saying they needed to go. My husband and the wife were kissing goodbye hot & heavy. Her husband gave me a peck. I asked him if he would kiss me more. He refused and then pulled his wife away from my husband. My husband was on cloud 9, but the night totally sucked for me, and he was clueless of that fact. So the two experiences that we have had with females, my husband lost control, did things he wasn't supposed to do, was disrespectful & ignored me & wasn't respectful & cognizant of the other husband's feelings. Essentially... he becomes like a dog in heat & all he can focus on is fucking that female. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. P.S. Interesting thing...I am the hot chick. The woman he was with was average & he wasn't all that interested in her physically. So now I wonder, what would he do if the woman is really hot?

Created by: Boyd93
Original Starting post for this thread:

We just had our very first couples experience and I need advice! My husband lost control & had total & complete tunnel vision.We have been in the lifestyle for a while now & have had several MFM's and only one MFF.   Every time we have had an MMF, I have always been tuned in to my husband & I've always made sure that he feels a part of any playtime we have. 

We recently had our first couples experience. (We are full swap.)  We met, had drinks, &enjoyed some one on one flirting before heading to the room. But things went very wrong as soon as we got to the room.My husband was so excited to be with another woman & became rude & dismissive of me, grabbing his partner & getting down to business.  I am no drama queen by any means, but damn it...there he goes breaking the rules from the get go.Our number one rule..."ALWAYS treat each other with respect." I called him out on it, he apologized and I left it at that.  I wanted to play & have fun and I wasn't going to dwell on it.

We began to play, same room, separate beds. All was great. We were all having lots of hot sexy fun.  My partner finished well before my husband, who kept going WAY longer... then I could see that her husband was getting upset.  My husband was ignoring both me & her husband. He never looked at me, never spoke a word to me... Very different than how he we interact usually. So then I tried to get my partner to kiss me...he refused.  Ugh! So I politely asked her husband if it was OK if I went over there & I started getting freaky as possible with his wife. My husband finally finished.

The rest of the night was a bust. My partner laid there & refused to touch me, so I played with them.  But I really wanted the full swap experience rather than 10 minutes, it's over, & then he's rude to me.  The evening ended way early with my partner saying they needed to go.  My husband and the wife were kissing goodbye hot & heavy.  Her husband gave me a peck.  I asked him if he would kiss me more.  He refused and then pulled his wife away from my husband.  My husband was on cloud 9, but the night totally sucked for me, and he was clueless of that fact. 

So the two experiences that we have had with females, my husband lost control, did things he wasn't supposed to do, was disrespectful & ignored me & wasn't respectful & cognizant of the other husband's feelings. Essentially...  he becomes like a dog in heat & all he can focus on is fucking that female.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

P.S.  Interesting thing...I am the hot chick.  The woman he was with was average & he wasn't all that interested in her physically.  So now I wonder,  what would he do if the woman is really hot?

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User Details are only visible to members.	pretty warm from where i'm sitting as well. that girl needs to break a LOT of rules brother.
Port Canaveral FL			Username hidden (3472 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I agree. We keep rules as emotional protections. Sexually, we dont have "couple rules" Im turned on when my wife breaks the rules. So to speak. Breaks the rules as in what would be standard in a relationship. We normally discuss our play and do it together and talk it over in advance. Once in a while she will be in a situation where an encounter "just sort of happens" out of nowhere. I wont find out about it until after it happened. Thats against the rules....... Technically But its that very thing that gets me off. That will turn me on 1000 times more than knowing she is out on a play date with someone we have been chatting with for weeks and have pictures of every body part. I get off on the unknown. Only she saw his cock. That sort of thing. Again. Against the rules, but she knows in the back of her mind......Not really. I love it when she acts completely on her own with her own desires. Thats hot as hell to me. She wanted it. she went for it. Other couples, swingers included, would be in divorce court if that happened. I think its important to really talk with a potential new couple and determine if you think the same way as they do. We see nothing wrong whatsoever with anyone having rules and respect that 100%. But at the same time, we would avoid playing with couples that have rules against things that just naturally flow with us.
Mount Juliet TN			Username hidden (662 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Angel and I have "rules" but they are for Protection and such..(Condom required) same room... but we also like watching the other have fun.. RUles of Play should always be firmly discussed BEFORE any play and if your partner breaks them freuqently then there IMHO is sometihng to worry about... RUles..or preferences are their to follow for the couple because well they are there.. the Lifestyle doesnt change the respect or trust in a relationship...for us (Angel and I) our trust and relationship is fine and strengthend.. I lvoe fucking her after playtime and hearing what she liked about the couple/single we were with and vice versa...I say things like..did you enjoy it when...(insert activity here) and she does the same... "rules" tho..well rules to me are like No anal, condom only, no kissing (we LOVE TO KISS) and such for a couple... and again it is COMMUNICATION that is the key to fun in and out of the lifestyle.. if your partner isnt listening then maybe the LS isnt for you.. But to the OP... when i read your story, i think that the couple you were with (at least the man) WAS threatened by your husband being longer lasting than himself..and that may or may not contributed to the Awkwardness... After each "date" do a check up from the neck up and communication the good bad and the ugly...and above all... LOVE EACH OTHER FLAWS...lol I really hope you find the answers you seek... good luck and Happy swinging!!
Lancaster OH			Username hidden (128 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Maritimers summed it up. I like swinging. I like my wife swinging. Having experienced those lines getting blurred in the past though, I do stay vigilant to anything that may move beyond swinging.
Mount Juliet TN			Username hidden (662 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	What are the significant differences between Swinging, Open Marraige, and Polyamory. Any one of those categories can encompass a wide range of approaches to sex, emotional involvement and mutual commitment. There is a lot of overlap as well. An attempts define and distinguish will be overbroad and will evoke disagreement. But here goes: Swingers - View sex play as a predominantly physical act that can (but need not be) separated from emotional involvement. Most swinging couples seem to have a high degree of mutual commitment. Open Marriage - Encompasses swinging, married couples that freely play alone, with varying degrees of emotional involvement and views on mutual commitment. Polyamory - Essentially an individual-centered philosophy that allows for a person to feel love towards and to be romantically involved with multiple others, with a heavy focus on clear understandings about mutual commitment that are tailored to specific circumstances. Some but certainly not all couples in swinging relationships find concepts of polyamory threatening. Some polyamorists find marriage inherently contradictory to polyamorous concepts. Many people just like to fuck and grope and play all they can, with and without emotional involvement, with or without commitments and could not give a shit about any of these labels. So many colors in a rainbow.
Amherst Canada			Username hidden (1836 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	WTF? "I would not stand in his wife" It should read, I would not stand in his way!
Colts Neck NJ			Username hidden (12717 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Excellent post SS.
Colts Neck NJ			Username hidden (12717 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	There would be no choice involved on his end, my choice is to immediately let him go to where his heart is. I don't say that out of fear or vindictiveness, nor from a stance of control. I do not believe ( for myself) that he or I could give 100% of ourselves to the success of our relationship if one of us was spending 50% of his time investing in another heart relationship. Come Christmas morning one of the 3 of us would be home alone while their lover was nurturing his/her other relationship as an extreme example. Call me selfish , it's ok in many ways I am but if Mr Sav wanted to be elsewhere he could be there with my blessing but I don't for moment fool him into believing he can have us both equally nor is it ever a threat. It is a reality. I believe people should be with the one they love, if it isn't me I am ok with that too. I don't claim I can be or want to be all things for Mr Sav but if I am not his primary interest than he needs to find someone that is in the same way I would do the same. Others manage to make situations like that work but I know myself well enough to know it would be an impossibility for me. I don't want to own him nor limit him in any way but that does not mean I will be included in his desires if they do not suit my own. Mrs Sav
Weaver AL			Username hidden (4445 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Seems fairly simple to me. We have a few friends k "loves to fuck". Is it unhealthy or detrimental to our relationship? Absolutely not because it is not that kind of love. it IS, nevertheless, an emotion. In fact, the opposite is true. These people actually strengthen our relationship and enhance our LS experience. That's because when I know she's in the hands of a man or woman that I know she really enjoys, its much easier for me to relax and enjoy my playmate as well. Do people develop emotional feelings that can be unhealthy for the relationship? Happens every day. Its a risk each of us takes in this LS. IMO, the people most at risk, are the ones who feel their relationship is somehow "immune" to the risk. When that facade is exposed by an infidelity, it is usually far more emotionally devastating and often leads to irreparable psychological damage.
Port Canaveral FL			Username hidden (3472 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Kind there are tons of threads about this very topic :)
Colts Neck NJ			Username hidden (12717 post)

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TOPIC: Husband lost control in our first couples experience Need advice!

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