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Hurt by our Swinger Mentors : Swingers Discussion 1953631021
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TOPIC: Hurt by our Swinger Mentors
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Well put, Mrs. Sav. A very interesting perspective, that only adds to the other thoughtful points of view. This whole idea was DOA from the time it came into my head. What was I thinking?

Maryville TN
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Sweet, That by far is the ideal and part of my point. You can not script a play session with 6 people that meets the needs/requirements of only one person. Even if you could how awkward.Potentially you have 4 people having sex and 2 of them staring at each other not wanting to have sex with each other but wishing and waiting to play if they can get an opportunity to pounce should someone else become available. "He is technically single but, plays as a couple with a female that I have been with several times. She was okay, but the sex with the new couple’s wife was incredible. "

Add to that the OP has already stated his preference for the wife of Couple A as the other is just "ok" , I am sure that will make the female of Couple B feel terrific :S If you want my vote forget couple A and B and move on to couple C who hopefully will meet the needs of you both, stop thinking with your dick and start using your brain.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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After I posted this morning and left for work I realized I had not gotten to the other huge issues I see here. Your goal was a 6 way play session . So you introduced Couple A to Couple B and talked about a 6 way play night. What puzzles me is how do you propose "directing that " You state you want to play with the female of Couple A , your spouse will not play with the male of Couple A ...correct so far? So now it is play night , what if the Male of Couple B chooses to play with the female of Couple A instead of your wife? Now you're right back where you started. You will play with either A OR B, Everyone else will play with each other and your wife could be left sitting on the couch filing her nails. Surely you weren't going to insist that the wife of Couple B play with the husband of couple A so you have things nice and tidy ? If 3 couples are not all willing to play with each other NO MATTER which male or female is available I'd highly recommend you not make a date to play. If a group mix is what you are looking for do NOT limit that to 3 couples with only 1 man your wife will play with besides you.

Have I confused everyone yet? lol

Mrs Sav (who may or may not over think things but in this case serious thinking is what is required of this situation)

Anniston AL
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I hate that you had your feelings hurt in this experience. With any luck, you'll find a couple with whom you feel a fully mutual chemistry.

Towards discussing the situation, there are two things I see that went wrong here. The first was the movable nature of people's attitudes. It seems like the new couple were "game" to try to find a workable solution, but when the mentor couple got into the mix, the new couple found something closer to what they were looking for. It's regrettable from your angle, but you managed to put together compatible couples, when you weren't necessarily what they were looking for. Had things been handled better on their end, this could have ended with less damage.

The second was a lack of communication which (grabs soapbox) is vital to keeping everyone on the same page, and to keep expectations grounded. When the new couple realized that they felt more compatible with your mentor couple, they should have voiced that. I'll lay short money that they avoided communicating this to you out of equal parts desire not to hurt your feelings, and a desire to avoid confrontation. Obviously, this didn't sit too well with the husband of the new couple, and he did the right thing... he communicated. If only they had done that sooner.

So, while I feel you're entirely entitled to hurt feelings for being excluded, I think perhaps when the sting subsides you can accept them as they are once again. I don't think this is as much an act of malice or betrayal, as an avoidable bruised toe. And as others have said, this will happen again, if you stay with this pursuit. Best to put on steel toe boots and hopefully recognize when people accidentally hurt your feelings versus actually being dicks.

New Market MD
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Yes we have been good friends for about 4 years before any sex. He is a cycling buddy of ours, and had been "dripping" on us for a long time to give the lifestyle a try. He was the first man my wife was with in the LS, and it took me a long time to trust him cuz he is such a player. Think he’s been with just about everyone on this site, lol. He is technically single but, plays as a couple with a female that I have been with several times. She was okay, but the sex with the new couple’s wife was incredible. We are only a couple of years into this, so we really looked up to him for guidance and advice in the LS. I will confess to not handling my emotions more maturely. I just wasn't prepared for the emotional reaction that I had once I found out the 4 of them played just 5 days after we introduced them to each other, and the night before our last date. It was a bit much for me to process, that’s why I came on here. You all have been great. I will try to grow up. Sweettart, you are almost sounding a tad sympathetic now. You’ve come a long way from sort of advising me to “fuck off!” Haha :-)

Maryville TN
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I think some couples think because they played with a couple that they are suppose to be exclusive to them now. I don't think that's how the lifestyle works. We play with regulars to us and would never get pissed if they played with others, the only one i have to answer to is Mrs John.

Philadelphia PA
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Sweetart - Thx for your blunt opinion. I am here to learn and grow, so that's why I asked for advice here. I accept your opinion. If the premise for the meet and greet was to work out a 6-way, and the other 4 changed it to a 4-way without including us in the decision, you are saying that is perfectly acceptable, and that we deserved no further consideration in the matter.

Maryville TN
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The only mistake I see here is everyone agreeing to keep it a secret. The reason perhaps is at least one of the 4 of them knew you'd be upset which really says more about you than it does them. I'm sorry if that sounds blunt but something you might want to consider. You had a mentor couple, you meet another couple and introduced them to your mentor couple. I don't really see them problem except you felt left out. Neither couple owed you an explanation and neither couple should feel the need to hide their activities from you. If your buddy introduced you to a girl he knew and had no "dating" relationship with that girl do you really think it is necessary to ask his permission to see her? I am truly sorry your feelings were hurt and you felt left out but to be angry seems a mite silly and immature. If I was in your place IF I said anything at all about the situation my conversation would be geared more to asking your long time friends why they would ever feel the need to hide their activities from you and to listen with your heart and not your ego. They're intent was to have fun with people they found compatible and didn't want to hurt you . The fact that you introduced them is irrelevant .They failed but I suspect even had they been forth coming and told you point blank " We're seeing them tomorrow privately " you'd have reacted the same if they did not ask your permission or invite you. Something to think about and again I am sure it stings but not something to be angry about.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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Thanks Kinddragon. I see from your empathy where you get your username. Kind of like the character "Socrates" in that movie Peaceful Warrior. BTW "Ugot222001" We did give them an out before I had solo sex with the wife. Their profile says "we all play or no one plays" and I was totally respectful of that. We talked at length and we told them that we were completely fine with just moving on, so we all could find a better couples match (since he wasn't getting anything out of it). They refused the offer, because he said he enjoys the non sex friendship and fun with my wife so much that they want to continue the friendship on all levels with us.

Maryville TN
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Thank you both for your lengthy thoughtful and detailed responses. I guess where the insult is felt so deeply, is that we were the couple to introduce everyone together. Not only did the other 4 make their own arrangements to play, but deliberately left us out, and made an agreement not to tell us about it. Why? Something doesn't set right with me about that. Is it naive for me to perhaps have expected some communication, like " hey guys, we were thinking about just playing with your new couple friends, just wanted to make sure that you'd be cool with that?" Yes, our mentoring couple has been doing it for years and years - damned near professionals by now, lol.

Maryville TN
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TOPIC: Hurt by our Swinger Mentors