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Hurt by our Swinger Mentors : Swingers Discussion 1953631011
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TOPIC: Hurt by our Swinger Mentors
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I agree Scandle, by this time East, you and your wife have been through more than a lot of longer term swingers have been. Sounds to me like you are ready to "walk the walk" all on your own. I also wanted to commend you on how well you took everyone's advice - whether using it or not depending on what worked for you - and responded. Sounds like you are off to a very good start!

Marion WI
 
 
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EastTNCPL4U, here's one more thought from the peanut gallery. Since you have plenty of swinging experience under your belt, is it time to "graduate" and terminate the mentor/mentee relationship? It could be reborn with you both on equal footing, with no expectations of keeping each other in the loop about your liaisons.

Sheboygan Falls WI
 
 
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Agreed "she" awesome perspective on this thank you! (and everyone else thank you!) :-)

Maryville TN
 
 
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well... as long as you're happy.

Orlando FL
 
 
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to the original post: you've received some good feedback here, but i would also encourage you to use great caution in assuming friendship with other couples. as in every walk of life, you will find people who people who do not always present themselves honestly. the people you work with, your neighbors, accquaintences from your gym you see regularly, and even people you will meet in the lifestyle. there will always be people who will present themselves in one manner while they need or want something from you, and once they either have it, or prehaps realize they can never have it, show you a very different side of their character. a coworker wants your support on a new project he/she is presenting to the the company brass. it's a schmoozefest as they attempt to garner your support. when you make it clear you cannot give your support, schmoozefest is over. not saying that your mentors are bad people, or that this is the situation with them, but do yourself a favor. do not for one minute think that there are not people in the LS who will try every way possible to take advantage of you.

your mentors, since they are "mentors" probably should have at some point discussed this sort of thing with you guys because it happens all the time. there will be times, especially where group play is concerned, that certain couples will click with others in the group and make plans to get together again. had your mentors discussed this sort of thing with you, i doubt it would have bothered you as much. i think when the time comes, IF it ever comes, that you decide to discuss it with them, you might suggest that in their future "mentoring" endeavors, they might want to bring the issue up and discuss it a little more than they did with yourselves.

Orlando FL
 
 
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<Just curious though, if you have all agreed to solo play, why not just enjoy that?>

'Dands', thank you! That is what we are going to do going forward. I had a long chat with the Couple A wife last night and she sincerely apologized for the deceit. It was the mentor Couple B that insisted on the secrecy. Strange. I think we have reconciled on that side and will go back to the way things were originally. My wife is comfortable with that arrangement. She actually really has fun with the Couple A husband, she just isn't turned on and doesn't want to have sex with him. She took one for the team once (I didn't know about it until afterwards, otherwise we would have left without the sex) She was trying to be "nice" and it was awful. Totally wrong reason to swing, but that is in the past now, and it will never happen again. Not sure if our solo play will work longer term, because I know Couple A husband is frustrated. He adores my wife, but has made it clear to all of us that he does not want to end our association. Loved your point - if it aint broke don't fix it.

Maryville TN
 
 
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It's pretty much just about life, and the way we see/deal with it. He tells you at beginning of book that it is based on a true story, but had to be told in novel form to convey some of the points.

Copperas Cove TX
 
 
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A little off topic, but you bring up the Peaceful Warrior movie. Have you ever read the book? It might give you a little different perspective on your dilemma. Of course, as always, the book totally blows the movie away. I have read it at least a dozen times, and have bought it probably that many times and given away with just the promise to read from cover to cover, just the way I was first introduced to the book...sorry for the stray.

Copperas Cove TX
 
 
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This might be slightly off topic, since I think the main complaint has to do with your feelings about how the other couple acted. Just curious though, if you have all agreed to solo play, why not just enjoy that? I'm sure that at some point in the future you'd be able to repay the courtesy when your SO makes a connection but you don't connect with the other half.

-S

Aledo TX
 
 
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You were wishful thinking lol...we all do it . Sex complicates things, it can change the dynamics of relationships, confuse friendships and make us loose our otherwise sane thoughts. Instead of trying to create the ideal situation I suggest you bid your time, meet lots of people and let ideal situation find you. Couple to couple attraction can be very difficult to find but don't give up, don't settle with a couple you're both not into sexually and don't push things that you already know aren't working. The level of sexual attraction will never be 50/50 between 2 spouses. One will generally be far more "attracted" than their spouse is but if you are going to play with other couples the gauge you should use to IF you are going to play with them should be measured by the least interested partner....if they're on board to play even if they aren't sensing spectacular fireworks, the big parade or the earth shattering move forward if on the other hand they are having a "hell no " moment it is time to move on.

Good Luck and Be Patient !

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
 
 
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TOPIC: Hurt by our Swinger Mentors