Hurt by our Swinger Mentors: Swingers Discussion 195363

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TOPIC: Hurt by our Swinger Mentors

Created by: EastTNCPL4U Original Starting post for this thread:
Recently another very experienced couple that helped us get into swinging did something I thought was unethical, and hurtful. We recently met a new couple. This couple has also been experienced in the lifestyle. There was huge chemistry between me and the wife, however, my wife wasn't at all attracted sexually to the husband. They got along great as friends and we had several "vanilla" dates. We all talked about it and everyone agreed to allow me and the lady to play alone. It was great sex, and everyone was communicating well. My wife and I thought it might work out if we introduced our new friends to the couple that mentored our entrance into swinging. We have played with this couple several times and my wife is completely comfortable with him. The plan was to see if there was chemistry amongst the 6 of us that would allow everyone to pair-off fairly into 3 couples - me and the new lady, my wife and the mentor husband, and the new guy with the mentor's wife. Everyone would be playing with a partner they were compatible with. We all met one Sunday and everyone seemed to click nicely. There was no playing that day. The following weekend we met up with our new couple again and accidentally found out that they had played (just four of them) with our mentoring couple, just the night before. I was terribly hurt and felt deceived by our mentors at the deliberate exclusion of me and my wife. The four of them also had agreed not to tell me and my wife about it because they knew it might cause uncomfortable feelings and hurt. So, they knew their behavior could potentially be harmful, but they did it anyway. I really don't know how to handle this with all of the angles and potential to get something wrong. We have been good friends with the mentor couple for years before swinging with them, and that relationship I feel is also jeopardized now. We have become great friends with the new couple, in fact it was the husband, that felt guilty about what had happened so much so that he could not honor the pact they had made not to tell us. I am so angry, I don't want to react inappropriately. Any suggestions or advice from you seasoned veterans out there? Thank you in advance.

Created by: EastTNCPL4U
Original Starting post for this thread:

Recently another very experienced couple that helped us get into swinging did something I thought was unethical, and hurtful. We recently met a new couple. This couple has also been experienced in the lifestyle. There was huge chemistry between me and the wife, however, my wife wasn't at all attracted sexually to the husband. They got along great as friends and we had several "vanilla" dates. We all talked about it and everyone agreed to allow me and the lady to play alone. It was great sex, and everyone was communicating well. My wife and I thought it might work out if we introduced our new friends to the couple that mentored our entrance into swinging. We have played with this couple several times and my wife is completely comfortable with him. The plan was to see if there was chemistry amongst the 6 of us that would allow everyone to pair-off fairly into 3 couples - me and the new lady, my wife and the mentor husband, and the new guy with the mentor's wife. Everyone would be playing with a partner they were compatible with. We all met one Sunday and everyone seemed to click nicely. There was no playing that day. The following weekend we met up with our  new couple again and accidentally found out that they had played (just four of them) with our mentoring couple, just the night before. I was terribly hurt and felt deceived by our mentors at the deliberate exclusion of me and my wife. The four of them also had agreed not to tell me and my wife about it because they knew it might cause uncomfortable feelings and hurt. So, they knew their behavior could potentially be harmful, but they did it anyway. I really don't know how to handle this with all of the angles and potential to get something wrong. We have been good friends with the mentor couple for years before swinging with them, and that relationship I feel is also jeopardized now. We have become great friends with the new couple, in fact it was the husband, that felt guilty about what had happened so much so that he could not honor the pact they had made not to tell us. I am so angry, I don't want to react inappropriately. Any suggestions or advice from you seasoned veterans out there? Thank you in advance.

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User Details are only visible to members.	And people always wonder why I mock the notion of mentoring when it comes to fucking strange.
Colts Neck NJ			Username hidden (12272 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	KTHN ' They told me that "they were not ready to meet us"and basically chose a side when I had not asked any such of a thing... " Perhaps this "mentor" couple stated they were not ready to meet your new girl friend had nothing to do with them "taking" side . One of the critical factors for us in meeting other couples is to believe they have a long term committed relationship. In my opinion the fact that your previous relationship broke up and suddenly you have a new "partner" has zero appeal to us. We aren't looking for 1 male and 1 female, we want a stable, committed relationship, preferably a long term relationship that has a "history" so to speak and has weathered the trials that come with a relationship. I am not judging you, nor saying your relationship isn't good nor your new girl friend not lovely .....or any such thing. What I am saying is that WE would also have zero interest in any couple, including a half of a couple we've played with before who were just starting the journey into a relationship never kind with the added mix of swinging. We've had many single men "mention" they have a GF or a "friend" they could bring along to play..........NOT HAPPENING because what we want, as I said is a couple, dedicated completely to each other, madly in love and for all appearances stable not just 2 bodies so we each have someone to play with. As your new relationship matures they might have felt differently but to expect them to welcome your new friend with open arms into their bed is really not realistic nor fair. Just my 2 cents......Mrs Sav
Weaver AL			Username hidden (4074 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thanks for the comments jlow, and sweetjz. Well put, and your points are well received. Fortunately we have more than moved on to bigger and better (and more attractive) play partners. Live and learn.
Maryville TN			Username hidden (14 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I started this profile with another woman than my current partner. We had a rather nasty breakup and many ( rather hurtful) things were said about me. I paid for the lifetime membership and kept the profile . The couple who got me and my former partner into the lifestyle I considered friends ( the ex took off for the East Coast and left all of us behind without any consideration). I met my current partner and let them know I had started anew . They told me that "they were not ready to meet us"and basically chose a side when I had not asked any such of a thing... My response was to wish them well but we would not be darkening their doorstep any time soon. My current partner is no newbie to the lifestyle and we will survive nicely without them. It saddens me that they made the choice they did but no big loss to me and the sun will still rise the next morning. Didn't ask them to make a choice but they did and I made the choice to be perfectly happy with who I am with now. It is what it is and I wouldn't go back for anything ....
Eldorado IL			Username hidden (33 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Sounds like your angry you didnt get to play the big game the way you wanted. Doesnt sound grown up to complain that 4 other grown ups made a decision to leave you out of their first hook up and you feel like you introduced them and you feel you should have been invited to play as well. Apparently they thought the 4 of them were a better hook up than the 6 you wanted to play and in the positions you wanted them in...... good luck.
Spring TX			Username hidden (1844 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Well said Kjgp. One of the more compassionate responses we have gotten on this thread. Thanks!
Maryville TN			Username hidden (14 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I more than understand why you are hurt. I think you are what you are in real life or in this lifestyle. Just because your doing something so fun and free as if there are no rules in life does it mean you can change how you feel .If someone pulls something behind your back in real life you would have the same feelings. But no one want to say anything or you might be call Newbies full of drama. This term is used mostly by people to pass blame. I think these people are lowlifes in this life and in real life. Its still called respect they could have waiting to see how things would go for the six of you. After a little time then either of them owe you anything if they want to get together. "It's life" there are caring people who you enjoy being around and selfish people who only want what they want when they want it. Some people think if the sex feels good enough they can over look anything. We have meet a few great couples and are looking for more of them but they are few and far between if you have high standards. I would rather play less with great people but then my wife and I still love each other more than life its self. Be who you are don't let anyone tell how to feel you start lowering your standards you become one of them. Good luck... we learn from our mistakes and others mistakes.
Greenwood IN			Username hidden (3 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	It strikes me as a little off that your "mentoring couple" is a single friend of yours that has a woman he swings with. Other than having more years in the lifestyle, i'm not certain how directly applicable their perspective can be given their marital status, or lack thereof. Perhaps my perspective is off, but I put it on par with getting parenting advice from an older divorced couple. Sure they might have more years parenting, but it's not from within the same set of parameters as my own. That being said, if you still have questions to pose for how to handle a situation, perhaps you still have need for a mentoring couple. Just my two cents.
Toledo OH			Username hidden (1048 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Ahhh, nothin' like a little jealous drama to get the blood pumpin'... honestly, who even cares...we personally don't believe we need to clear anything with another couple if we're hooking up with their friends, I'm not sure the thought even crosses my mind...heck, the only person I need to answer to is my husband and I don't even need his "permission," lol...
Mokena IL			Username hidden (42 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Not to be insensitive but I would get over it. Yeah, the plan was such and such and they should probably have kept the plans but they didn't. I too would probably also be annoyed. However, they are free autonomous individuals and may associate with whomever as they please, I don't think what they did was egregious enough to hold a grudge. If you enjoy your friendship with these people you'll regret not getting over it. Just try to forget it and move on, to me this isn't biggie betrayal.
Saint Clair Shores MI			Username hidden (228 post)

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TOPIC: Hurt by our Swinger Mentors

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