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FORUMS General Discussions Swinger Advice How to deal with a cpl where 1 is good the other bad
TOPIC: How to deal with a cpl where 1 is good the other bad
Created by: young_swing_cpl
Original Starting post for this thread:
This hasn't happened recently, but there's been a couple of times where we meet a couple where the female is really nice and the male is a jerk. Like the mentality is the guy runs the show. With us we consider ourselves an equal cpl, but in the lifestyle I (male) let her take the lead. How do you deal with that? Especially if they've made it clear they want to play, but the problem is with the male half.

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We've met a few couples like this (and know a few where it's totally the opposite...male is polite and friendly, and the female is pushy/overly aggressive). We ususally treat couples with the same respect they show us...what we really don't like are males and females who try to tell us what we should do/how we should act. That's the quickest way to get on our "not interested" list.


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Usually in this case if the guy is being controlling, we usually or should I say my lady will say something to his lady in private. That way the men are not confronting each other. If nothing changes we are out. Thankful almost everyone we have ran into in this lifestyle is respectful, outgoing and over all kind people. But of course living in a suburb of Portland, Oregon doesn't hurt. This is one of the most lifestyle friendly places to be.

Gladstone OR
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Going to throw one more idea out there, though I agree with those who say "take a pass and move on" or - for some - see if a group room situation will allow a little mix-and-matching (not our scene, but could see it working).

We've had it happen a number of times where we really like one half of a couple, and the other half isn't BAD, they just aren't a fit. We pass on them too, but are able to maintain a non-play friendship. Over time, you build up more than a handful of these. Eventually those couples have the same thing happen. It also happens that you could have a play friends who WOULD play with the half of the other couple you're not interested in. Any of these situations can create an opportunity for a more private 3-couple party where everyone has someone they can have fun with, even if it's not a free-for-all.

Bottom line is as long as you can be FRIENDS with another couple - as long as it's not that one half is BAD - then opportunities can open up over time. Of course if you're talking about one half being just unlikable, then you're probably out of options...


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We think the male "director" is more like a "DICK-tator" :) We don't mind the female "director", because they're usually giving you directions on how to make them orgasm, lol.

San Antonio TX
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likewise LL, "shark lap" is hilarious. wish we could get frequent flyer miles for those, we'd take another vacation!

St Augustine FL
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LOL, "the Director" Very funny! Although we had a female Director once and she made the play time a ton of fun - attitude is everything. Someone just being a tool is another matter altogether.

We love some of the catchy phrases, we learned last year the term "shark lap" - that trip a couple takes around club checking out other couples.

Also, "scooped" - one couple leaving with a couple that you had your eye on.

Don't want to redirect the thread, but thanks for the new term!

Oklahoma City OK
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we call them "the directors" cause they act like they're directing a porn movie or something. he gets one courtesy warning to chill out and enjoy, then it's out the door he goes, dick in hand.

St Augustine FL
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Yep yep, for sure. If its not fun, and you aren't getting paid for it...why are you doing it? Thats my take on it. But do not fear...there are soooo many great, awesome people we know and love in the lifestyle...omg. And had we never been in the LS I would not know these beautiful people. Sex or not, I would not trade any of them for the world. Carrie, the SA's, M, Gina and Dan, Ms. She (who saved my son's lives with the peanut butter tip and helped me figure out what the hell a rotun tomoto is last night LOL), PG....so, so many more as well. Love you all.


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Yeah, it makes sense and that's what everyone seems to agree on. The couple of times we ran into that situation we cut bait. It stinks though to lose a possible friend or even worse a friend with benefits, lol.

San Antonio TX
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We've decided we don't play with the couple. For us its all about laughter, smiles, and NO drama. If you've got a half that's bringing bad vibes and drama, then why bother? Even if you could break the good half loose, it seems like there is a good chance of the bad half bringing issues. Throw the baby out with the bathwater and run a fresh tub.

Oklahoma City OK
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TOPIC: How to deal with a cpl where 1 is good the other bad