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How to Deal with not being on the same page with your partner : Swingers Discussion 215529
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TOPIC: How to Deal with not being on the same page with your partner
Created by: jewels6587
Original Starting post for this thread:
My wife and I have been swinging for a few years and have had some really good meets and good times. Almost all of our meets have been where we "seperate" wether in a same room or seperate room situation. Our dilema is that my wife says she prefers the one-on-one interaction, but I am looking more for the "tangle of bodies" setting. Even being in the same room/same bed, whenver I try to find the opening to bring everyone into a more 4-some play, it's almost always seeing here zoned into the OP so much, I am almost forgotten. I do have a wonderful time with my play partner, but want more. Has anyone else had to deal with this and any valid advice to help get us on the same page? We do talk very openly after each encounter, but it's always the same; I am frustrated because I fantasized a different night and she gets upset because she had a great time and thinks I am trying to sabotage that by not being as happy as her.

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Thanks LustyLearning. Your post has given me a new avenue of thinking. To the others, thank you as well. We have spoken more on this and do have a lot more to discuss. Good thing is, we do talk and know we will find a solution together that will make us both happy each time.

Iowa LA
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Cosmo, sounds like you would like a more sexually exclusive relationship with your signficant other? Have you talked about the possibility of leaving the LS?

We play in the same area or seperate areas, depends on the couple and situation...We have enjoyed both but I do enjoy watching her have fun...If you continue in the LS maybe its a matter of finding a couple(s) who also prefers everyone together while playing?

Pottstown PA
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Not sure there's a fix for what you perceive to be a problem. You made multiple posts. After reading them, it seems to me your issue is you don't get the connection you want from your wife while you're engaging in lifestyle activities, and you want more. I'm really not hearing that you want more connection with other people, but that you want to feel more connected with your wife while you're with other people, however you're with them.

"Is that wrong?" No, of course not. It may, however, be incompatible with her ability to enjoy other people. Is she single-minded? Focused? Or does she need to be to pull off the lifestyle activities? If she needs to incorporate you or reassure you to make it worthwhile for you, the effort may diminish her pleasure to the point where it's not worthwhile for her. Just my thoughts.

Richmond VA
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Well I guess it is since your unhappy about your swing experiences and there are a lot of males at least that I personally know that dont want it to be a four for all because they do not want the surprise of another male wanting all four to be touched by all others etc. Doesnt sound like the others wanted more and seems you do. I would say that seems a problem on your end.

Spring TX
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Sweet, I know that may seem what it is, but honestly, we all do have a good time. I am just more into wanting more than having sex with another partner. I am just hoping to experience more of what you can have with 4 people rather than just 2. And yes, a threesome would work, but with couples, can't you experience the same thing? I want to share my wife with another man and/or woman at the same time as much as being a part of doing the same to another woman and having my wife join in. Is this wrong?

Iowa LA
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I see that its alot about what You want,, everyone else seems fine,,

Spring TX
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Since it seems to be important to you that your wife not tune out to you during play, perhaps you should consider a threesome and see how you feel about that.

In the past, when I played with couples as a couple, it was VERY frustrating to me to be with a couple where he was so worried about her playing with my hubby that he wasn't paying attention to me.

Newark DE
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Thanks for the replies. I realize it may be the nature of the best that everyone zones out, and I do try to make an effort if we are in the same room to make contact, but it's like she doesn't comprehend it's me touching her. Also, am I wrong doing this as it may send the wrong signals to the OP I am playing with?

Iowa LA
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We've noticed the same thing. It's probably human nature to focus on one partner at a time but we make a conscious effort to at least hold hands or touch each other during play. Although we try to play in the same bed, in the heat of the moment it seems like one couple always ends up on the couch or on the floor. Just the nature of the beast.

Virginia Beach VA
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Same for me, but I'm the girl feeling that way. I am interested in thoughts out there, but I don't really think there is a remedy. Either I will be able to forget about it and just leave him be or this will continue. Eventually he won't want to get together with couples because he is frutstrated with me. I'm not sure how to change it. But I think it is related to the fact that we are not a long time or married couple. I have no real interest in sharing him at this point. I have trouble understanding his or being comfortable with his attraction for another girl. If I am attracted to another guy, it is not the same as how I feel for him. It is directly related to the exhibitionist in me. He finds that confusing because we do MMF successfully. But the charge from that comes from his presence and involvement. If he leaves the room or wasn't watching from somewhere I would lose my erection so to speak. Any help out there would be appreciated.

Philadelphia PA
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TOPIC: How to Deal with not being on the same page with your partner