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How many couples are totally in it together : Swingers Discussion 2019021041
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsSwinger AdviceHow many couples are totally in it together
TOPIC: How many couples are totally in it together
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Wild.

The only reason I haven't taken the profiles down is because I don't understand it.

Some is what you said. She doesn't like the "hunt" where I don't mind it. She likes to work one person at a time which is rarely successful.

We will find number 7 out of 40 emails that she likes and send him a yahoo name and start chatting or emailing back and forth. The other 30+ emails just wait. Then they will email back and forth for a few days and like clockwork when the time comes to meet he will flake, cancel, then a couple days later want to can or cyber. But can never pull off the real meet.

So she'll spend a bunch of time on one person that I can tell from first chat just wants pics to jerk off to.

So then she gets frustrated. And doesn't feel in the mood to "go through all that crap" again right away.

My approach is to talk to a lot of people at the same time knowing 9 out of 10 will not follow through and have that 1 that does work out happen in the same amount of time as if we went one at a time.

I don't notice the frustrations that way. I was successful for the short time I played as a single because of my couple experience. I had a fraction of the email volume but I kept active with it. Worked it. When a couple invited me over, I'd be shaved, showered and out the door in 20 minutes.

I never had a shortage of play friends that way. I was always chatting with a bunch at the same time and though a fraction of them actually turned into real meets, I never had to come on here as a single guy posting "why aren't couples responding" or "why can't I get action here"

Mount Juliet TN
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one fact of life is....it is usually easier for women to get laid than it is for men. We women live with the confidence that if we want to get fucked all we have to do is go to a bar and breathe. It is just the way it is. This confidence does remove alot of the urgency I think. And women are just complex creations...we go through changes. When we first started swinging I went through my slut phase. I dressed slutty, I wanted to go to the swing club every Fri and Sat night if possible...and if we didnt fuck strange I would get frustrated. Now ahhh.....with all of the drama we have experienced in swinging I am much more willing to be patient and wait. I could have played with the husband on Sat. night, yeah. But there was no chemistry and I am not there just to fuck. Joey, I suggest you talk with your Mrs. about it.

San Marcos TX
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For 6 months I had a night job that was 5pm to 7am 7 days a week. Occasionally I could get a few hours off once in a while. We were both frustrated because we couldn't plan anything we started getting into going to the local clubs which she really liked, but we could rarely get a few hours to go. We would sneak a little play here and there but with me being on call all night we were constantly on edge the phone would ring.

I finally quit the night job. And we haven't gone out or played once in months.

THATS the stuff that bugs me and I don't get. Sex drive in overdrive and pissed when we can't do anything. Now we have every night free. We're self employed so we can flex our schedule, finally nothing in the way............and now we sit on the couch 7 nights a week watching TV.

We've talked about it and there is no explanation other than "sometimes I'm in the mood other times I'm not".

I like chatting and ranting in the forums but I feel like we are becoming the people I'm on here all the time bitching out. People email us, we email back that we're interested and then we don't reply for a month if at all.

Personally I think we should take our profiles down and just use craigslsi or go to a club when the mood strikes.

All these posts about not responding that I'm so quick to defend " of responding" because 90 percent are garbage. I'm thinking about the 10% who are good genuine matches that's we have started a dialogue with. They think they're getting somewhere with us. Then we drop off the planet for a month. I don't think that's right. If I say that to my wife though, she would get mad at me and think I'm pushing.

Mount Juliet TN
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Kind

Like Mrs sav said. Youre right too. And thats how we used to do it but it did cause problems in the past because then I do come across as "too into it"

Men and women obviously are different with sex.

We get a full inbox all the time because of her. Not me.

And as much as I bitch on here about "single guys" (you all know my writing by now...haha) there are a serious amount of really hot guys for her to choose from.

So thinking like a guy......Its hard to fathom how someone wouldnt act on that.

Look at it from a guys perspective.

If a single guy on here had his inbox flooded with a seeming endless supply of hot women falling all over themselves to meet him.........What guy would not be in heaven?

So its hard for me to understand a womans mind when I see our inbox like that.......As a guy Id be like OK.....Youre monday....youre tuesday.....Youre wednesday.......Right down to, youre November 12th....Im booked until then.

But I dont think too many guys have that problem.

Mount Juliet TN
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I am sorry you are so frustrated Joey. For us....really, we find we have more fun just the 2 of us than we do when we invite others. I actually kind of did not tell a vanilla friend on sat we were going out so we did not have her there, because she gets drunk and brings drama. In swinging we just have never had luck with couples. Even this sat at the M&G, the wife and Jay had great chemistry...and her husband is a passive, shy, quiet oye......the antithesis of the males I am attracted to. It was not happening and so I went and danced with other friends. I dont even know if that man speaks, he is so shy lol. I dont know...I do not know your wife so I would not think to judge her or her motives. I can say that as a woman...if I felt that Jay was "over eager"..it would bring my female up. And that means competitiveness and feelings of being threatened. If I felt he "needed" it......I know me, I'd feel like why am I not good enough. I just know me LOL. Whether or not thats her, I dont know her so I would not think to say that. I hope things work out for you.

San Marcos TX
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You have a great point and I think it applies to us.

We both work a ton of hours and a lot of that is stressful. Not bad stressful, but just non stop.

The crazier my day is, the longer, the more stressful, the more Im revved up to have a "hot" night.

I think we're just different. A long day for me, makes me want a long night. A long day for her, she wants pjs and the couch.

Im very aware and conscious not to come across too eager and thats why I just leave it for her to bring up.

I do leave it to her to take the wheel so to speak when we are involved. I prefer to be the one in the backseat. Not that Im not totally involved, but again, my turn on is her desire for it.

I know If I pushed a little, we would play a lot more. She would go along with it to make me happy. But I dont want that. That would ruin the entire thing for me.

For me with the swinging.....I have some mild "cuckold" tendencies. Not like the humiliation stuff or anything like that. But I really enjoy when my wife, completely on her own, gets turned on and acts on something with someone else.

She would have no problem with me playing on my own. Ive done it in the past.

But the thrill is far less about ME being with other people as it is HER. Hell, a lot of the time I prefer her playing by herself, or me watching and mildly participating.

If it were about me, that would be easy. I have the green light from her to have sex with anyone I want, whenever I want. Something most married guys would kill for. And once in a while, ill act on it, if I go back to our home state and meet an old friend or something.

But im perfectly content just having sex with her. As funny as that sounds.

Shes perfectly content having sex with just me.

There lies the problem....haha

So thats why its so important to me to not push her at all or pressure her at all. because without the desire. I have no interest myself.

I just wish it wasnt so hit and miss.

Mount Juliet TN
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Joey,

No offense intended but perhaps she feels you are "too interested" . If you wonder if you'd continue on to a funeral or rush off to play perhaps there in lies the issue. Perhaps your wife needs to feel everything on the home front all aligned with the stars to really get excited including others. There are times we go months without playing because WE have been too busy for each other and we surely are not going to take the little quality time we have to engage in sex with others when maybe our own private time together has been taking a back seat to life. ....just a thought ! In our case we both visit the site, I spend time in the forums and respond to all emails and also am the only one of us who will contact others. Mr Sav, looks at photos, reads profiles, looks at photos, looks at photos and rarely and I mean EXTREMELY rarely will he mention someone he thinks WE might be interested in. He figured out a long time ago to never approach me with a "They look hot" profile only for me to discover there isn't a single photo of the male half. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't object to "she looks hot , what do you think of their profile" but he made the mistake ONCE of commenting how hot THEY were......admittedly I was none to pleased to see not a single photo of him lol. We are equally balanced in our participation, he looks and makes notes and I ask what he knows or thinks of so and so and we decide together whether to contact them. When we travel he will sometimes make a list of profiles he has seen we might be interested in , meaning he has photos, he is not fat and nothing in their profile is in conflict with what we seek. Most of the couples we meet and play with also seem balanced , both equally interested and active in their search. Anytime I get a hint of a wife in the background who just sort of shows up.....we 're done.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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To add. "like i need to add any more"

Ive said in the past that I notice a lot of couples where the guy half is the aggressor, emailer, chatter, and the female half just goes along for the ride.

Thats definitely not us. But maybe this is why?

I have a couple of male friends whos wives are the ones who are really really into this and they are very active and the females are the aggressors, emailers, planners.

I have to say, Im jealous. I find it an incredible turnon when my wife is in that mood and she takes control in making things happen. But its so rare.

Mount Juliet TN
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Most of the other forum regulars know I post here in the forums as just myself (the guy half) of the couple. And Ive explained that everything else on here we do as a couple only. I dont check or respond to emails or do anything on my own without us both here at the computer.

The topic of men posing as couples and fakes and such has come up many times, and I got to thinking.

Who here as a couple has both partners that are equally as motivated and interested in this "lifestyle"?

I ask this because in my situation its hot and cold. My wife is either really really into it. Or she wants nothing to do with it. By that I dont mean turned off by it, but just knocks it off the "to do" list.

So we will come on, spend a night emailing and chatting, and shes all excited.......Then just disappear for a few weeks.

We do play.(occasionally) And we never cancel, flake, or no show if we make plans. But it drives me up the wall because someone will email us, she;ll be totally interested, we'll email back. Then it will be 3 weeks before we come back to it.

Its sort of a sensitive topic so I make it a point not to push things so I just patiently wait until she gets in the mood again and go for it.

I could easily get carried away with this. Its something Im always in the mood for, and would do all the time. Thats why I rant about single guys on here who cancel and flake at the last minute with a BS excuse.

Personally, if my wife said she wanted us to have company tonight and I was on my way to a funeral........I would honestly have a hard time deciding which to attend.

My wife though is more of an opportunist. If the situation comes up for her or us to play, she is all about it. She likes meeting people in person that we didnt meet online and letting things happen. Shes the type that would hookup from a bar and gets a thrill for that.

But when it comes to the online thing. It drives me nuts. I cant figure out how she will be on here or another site, loving the attention, ready to drop everything and get in the shower at midnight to go have some fun. But then for the next month, would rather sit on the couch watching law and order reruns while im sitting next to her thinking "What the fuck happened to the person sitting here last night that was ready to jump everyone in sight?"

Again Its why I vent a lot on here about fakes and flakes, and people who make plans then cancel for BS cold feet at the last minute. When that happens, I think "We have 50 more emails in our box, lets go to number 2 or 3 or 10, whatever"

But she will just say "theres another online BSer" and its another month before she wants to give someone else a shot.

I dont know if I actually asked a question or just ranted my fingers off here. Sorry if I wasted your time reading this mess....lol......I welcome any comments or questions.

Mount Juliet TN
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TOPIC: How many couples are totally in it together