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FORUMS › General Discussions › Swinger Advice › How many couples are totally in it together
TOPIC: How_many_couples_are_totally_in_it_together
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She just got back from another trip where she ended up having fun. And at that point I finally laid it out on the table.

Im sitting here all the time wondering why we dont play together for a long time but then she goes out and comes back with a story.

And it is just what I suspected. Its more exciting to have it "just happen"

She is used to having guys pursue her and make a big effort to try to get with her. So its exciting to be hanging out and have the tension build up all night and then explode.

Where on here. Its can sometimes be like looking for a new dishwasher.

Go through a whole bunch of emails. Chat back and forth. "Plan it out"

And with the majority of guys backing out, flaking out, canceling, and just not putting any effort, its not exciting for her.

Many times she feels like she has to chase guys here to meet. When in the "outside world" they chase her.

Since the real excitement is the feeling she gets that someone "wants her bad" and that's what turns her on. Not a big dick pic, or someone who "might be able to be available"

So while we had the rule that "everything is done together" we agreed that Ill take the lead to narrow it down to people who we are likely to meet.

Otherwise after 20 emails from people who dont remotely match, or dont read our profile, I can tell she just lost total interest and wants to log off and do something else. And then is in no big hurry to do that again.

Mount Juliet TN
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Little update.

Ive been given the green light to sort emails myself. Since most of it gets the automatic delete for ignoring our profile and such. And I know what she likes and what she doesnt and have a pretty good Idea who she would be attracted to.

So while Im not going to start any conversation with people we ARE interested in without her, I can come on more frequently and weed through what I know she wouldnt be interested in.

Then we come on together and only have a few to look at and start conversation with.

I think this will work better.

Mount Juliet TN
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You wont offend me :). I don't think too many of our potentials read the forums. The complaining I do is really just about respect and telling the truth.

It all centers around one thing. We don't carry on and on in our profile about how "busy our lives are"........ but in reality they are. Other than when I sneak on here a little bit as a distraction I'm always working. 5am I'm working. 10pm I'm still working. And my wife is not far off. We have a small business that's growing fast and requires a ton of work to keep it together.

So when we make plans it does require some schedule changing on our part. You tell us tomorrow at 8. Today, I'm rescheduling tomorrow evenings estimates. Planning so my wife can get home early to get ready. Preparing my night crew to get started without me. I leave a job at 5:00 fight a nasty rush hour traffic to get home. Shave. Shower. Get ready. My wife is doing the same. And then as we are getting dressed almost running late we get the text. "I got called into work" "something came up" "I'm stuck at work"

At that point. Dam right we're pissed. Most times we should have cancelled ourselves with the day we were having but pulled off a miracle to keep our word.

That's where the complaining I do on here comes from. Its been going on long before I started writing here.

Or when we start chatting with someone that we see online every night for hours and hours.....and he practically begs to meet us.....then when we give the green light all of a sudden he has a crazy work schedule, a life more jammed than the PResident and will have to see when he can make the time. But every single night he is on webcam pulling his dick and wanting to chat about meeting.

We don't get anything out of canning, don't want to watch you jerk off, and don't want to talk dirty on yahoo.

So again we spend hours on someone that could have been honest from the start and said, "I'm here to cam and cyber"

I think overall especially with the younger generations society has changed. I could post the same rants about the responses I get when I place employment ads. With "no jobs out there" I'm actively hiring. Ill get 100 responses to my employment ad and same thing. Either they didn't read the dam thing or they do nothing whatsoever to indicate that they actually want the job.

And that's my complaining about emails on here.

If you know you are one of many who want this job.......or want to have sex with my wife.....same principle........wouldn't you put a little effort into selling yourself?

Ill check my emails for work and get 80% of the responses that didn't follow simple requests and just say " I'd be willing to work...call me"

Then switch to our swinger sites and get the same thing "ill fuck her....call me"

Both piss me off

Mount Juliet TN
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The hot guy who talks about how aggressive and take charge in bed he is and how he will rock her world, is always the one when he shows up who's shy, and like the new kid in school."

I agree with this SOOOO much. It goes for more than just single men. Anyone that sits there talking about how their life is the model for everyone else and perfection to the tee.....I dunno. I know that there are people who ARE indeed happy, and that is a beautiful thing. However, when you talk to someone who has done everything you have done, and better...I call bullshit.

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That's another topic that I always have an opinion on...lol

I wish people were just upfront and honest and there isn't too much that would get us mad.

The 9 out of 10 single guy flaking thing I always mention. If for God sakes they would just say "it sounded like a great idea when we were chatting and I had my dick in hand, but now that its been a few days, I don't think I'm ready to go through with it just yet"

Even if it was last minute. We wouldn't get mad. Ad we would still talk to that person and they would even still have another shot. They respected us to tell us the truth.

But instead they text and say "I got called into work" meanwhile they're a waiter at cracker barrel and its 11pm.

Yet an hour later they're online. THAT stuff irritates us.

If we got into the bedroom with a couple and they were new and changed how they wanted to play......no problem at all......we can understand that.....we're people too.

We're experienced with this so it takes away the nervousness meeting people. We still get the anticipation and excitement but not the cold feet. We leave everything as no pressure. And that's a major reason we don't like to cyber or have a lot of sex chat before we meet.

Guys build themselves up online and sound like they are ready to show us the time of our lives. They're going to do things to my wife you only read about.....their oral is pornstar quality. They can go for hours.....cum 5 times ....and my wife better take the day off work the next day because she wont be able to walk.

The in reality if they do show up.....they sit on the couch, quiet, nervous, waiting for us....then their performance is a mix between a little meek play and my wife working her ass off to keep getting them hard again.

Then an hour later they leave...."the clitoralator has left the building" and we're like......"seriously?" Lol.

Its now 8:30 and we're in our PJ's watching Seinfeld reruns...ha

Mount Juliet TN
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I do not know how many couples are totally in it together but we are . Our preference is playing with couples;however, sometime I (wife) want a threesome. I am the aggressive type person so I am not interested in the guy trying to seduce me etc. I enjoy calling the shots. However, for some reason I find all the guys that want to be the seducer--plz not interested. So, for me I like to weed them out on sls.

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Let's be blunt - frustration can be plentiful in this scene

- dudes who go limp - ignored emails - plans that fall apart - people who say full swap then change their minds - people with tight schedules who can only meet 1-3x in a month

Oh yeah that's us.

We're way newer than all you experts here. But Lost, in her sexiness (youre hot - live it babe) is so right. No one has the answers. Which means everyone gets equally frustrated and discouraged.

And the challenges you seem to face I swear we're taking on personally. Given the interest we've seen from a couple of other TN couples, seems we could make a nice trip out of it. And if we weren't traveling for three weeks we'd be asking.

Or we'd be curious about the camping in a week. Because there's a big camping event in N Georgia that's pretty wild and we're curious if people on here are attending. But some people don't check their mail so we can't discuss it.

Frustration is a two way street :D

So, before one of us makes a random but completely poorly planned road trip to middle TN just to prove you wrong, chill, have a rita or a mojito and enjoy the fact you get a lot of attention, you're quite attractive, your wife is smokin', and you have the potential of a sex life few people get to experience.

On some they forum right now, some attractive dude is whining to his buddies that his wife hasn't put out in 4 weeks and now he's talking about an affair. Which couple do you want to be?



Roswell GA
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Lost. You two are alike in that way. That's exactly it.

Its even in our profile that we want a guy "who knows what he wants and goes for it"

She has taken an interest in slightly older men. Not old. Just a few years older than her who are more experienced and less shy.

We found young guys, while nice to look at. Tend to be shy and intimidated by a couple. If we do get one to get together, most will be very passive and just follow our lead. Kinda get naked and be like "ok. Here I am. What do you want me to do?"

It ends up being a pretty mechanical experience.

Whereas in a bar or real life you'll have a guy that's checking her out all night, putting on the moves and on a mission....lol. And he will try, see what the limits are. And spend time going a little further, the whole time building excitement. Start dancing....see where she lets his hand go.....she's not slapping him off......his far will it go?.....slowly building until they end up with a rockin night of sex that started with a look and a smile.

Its the thrill of the chase and its exciting for both because until the end he didn't know in advance that she could be caught.

That's why she will sometimes have no interest in this yet out of nowhere hook up with someone offline.

Here things tend to be overplanned and scripted almost. We like to meet pretty quick too because too much chat takes the excitement away. Guys tend to like to chat an awful lot and always talk themselves up much more than they perform in reality.

The hot guy who talks about how aggressive and take charge in bed he is and how he will rock her world, is always the one when he shows up who's shy, and like the new kid in school.

So that's why she loses interest on here.

I know people poke fun when I say this but we really do get tons of email and if we go on a messenger we can't keep up.

But it doesn't go anywhere. 100 emails, we respond to 20 seemingly great matches. Spend a couple weeks going through the email and chat stuff, and will have 4 or 5 that seem like they are serious. Then set up 5 public meets to have 4 of the 5 back out when the time comes because they get cold feet. Meet 1 and either just not have interest because he is not who he seemed online. Or end up playing where he is shy and timid. After all that work we maybe end up with one playdate that was overall pretty uneventful.

I'm ready to come home and go through the next batch. She's ready to take a vacation ...lol

Mount Juliet TN
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Whereas in "real life" she is used to being persued. Online she feels like she has to be the one that "they pick""

I can relate alot to your wife Joey, I think we have similar personalities. I do not do passive, shy men. I interpret shy as not interested. I cannot tell you how many times we were at a club or party and a guy emailed after and was like omg I wanted to play with you but you did not seem interested at all....and I was like well, you did not say anything so I assumed that you were not interested. For me, I am not into games. I do not play the hard to get bit and I do not expect a man to kiss my ass....but confidence is a turn on to me. A guy who walks up to me, smiles and esp. is a smart ass/witty guy...is going to have my attention for sure. I do not want to be the pursuer or initiator, I like a man who is confident enough to talk to me. Online is frustrating.

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I appreciate these posts very much. So often in swing forums all you get are the "super swingers". You know the ones.....they expect me to believe they work all day, fuck 30 times a day, have 200 orgasms every day.....and still manage to clean the house, make dinner and fuck 4 single guys. Everyone wants them and everyone should be like them. Its like they try to produce this product in their own mind....like anyone really gives a shit. For me to read real posts by real people, it is very refreshing. Whenever anyone feeds me bullshit about their perfect life.......I go ummmmm, nice. Like y'all, Jay and I have the same issues. You just cannot be on your A game all of the time. I definately cannot because with my RAD, some days just getting out of bed is a feat...much less looking good while doing it. For me, if I allow you to see me sans make up, sans A game....I trust you impeccably. I do not allow just anyone to see me without make up. Jay and I try everything we can to have us time. When you have kids especially, they can suck the life out of a relationship because they demand so much time and attention. If you do not make a conscious effort...you will end up in trouble.

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TOPIC: How many couples are totally in it together
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