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How many couples are totally in it together : Swingers Discussion 201902
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TOPIC: How many couples are totally in it together
Created by: JOEY8199
Original Starting post for this thread:
Most of the other forum regulars know I post here in the forums as just myself (the guy half) of the couple. And Ive explained that everything else on here we do as a couple only. I dont check or respond to emails or do anything on my own without us both here at the computer.

The topic of men posing as couples and fakes and such has come up many times, and I got to thinking.

Who here as a couple has both partners that are equally as motivated and interested in this "lifestyle"?

I ask this because in my situation its hot and cold. My wife is either really really into it. Or she wants nothing to do with it. By that I dont mean turned off by it, but just knocks it off the "to do" list.

So we will come on, spend a night emailing and chatting, and shes all excited.......Then just disappear for a few weeks.

We do play.(occasionally) And we never cancel, flake, or no show if we make plans. But it drives me up the wall because someone will email us, she;ll be totally interested, we'll email back. Then it will be 3 weeks before we come back to it.

Its sort of a sensitive topic so I make it a point not to push things so I just patiently wait until she gets in the mood again and go for it.

I could easily get carried away with this. Its something Im always in the mood for, and would do all the time. Thats why I rant about single guys on here who cancel and flake at the last minute with a BS excuse.

Personally, if my wife said she wanted us to have company tonight and I was on my way to a funeral........I would honestly have a hard time deciding which to attend.

My wife though is more of an opportunist. If the situation comes up for her or us to play, she is all about it. She likes meeting people in person that we didnt meet online and letting things happen. Shes the type that would hookup from a bar and gets a thrill for that.

But when it comes to the online thing. It drives me nuts. I cant figure out how she will be on here or another site, loving the attention, ready to drop everything and get in the shower at midnight to go have some fun. But then for the next month, would rather sit on the couch watching law and order reruns while im sitting next to her thinking "What the fuck happened to the person sitting here last night that was ready to jump everyone in sight?"

Again Its why I vent a lot on here about fakes and flakes, and people who make plans then cancel for BS cold feet at the last minute. When that happens, I think "We have 50 more emails in our box, lets go to number 2 or 3 or 10, whatever"

But she will just say "theres another online BSer" and its another month before she wants to give someone else a shot.

I dont know if I actually asked a question or just ranted my fingers off here. Sorry if I wasted your time reading this mess....lol......I welcome any comments or questions.

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I am very happy to hear that Michelle is doing well. Very happy to hear that. In regard to your last paragraph yes, you are good people. Sexual compatability or not, we never say no to spending time with good people.


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"We may not swing with everyone we meet here. But there is a fellowship of spirit as we are all operating outside the vanilla norms of the rest of the world."

Nicely said. Mostly like a big ole dysfunctional family at times.

San Antonio TX
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Hi Shelly Honey: We are well. Thanks for asking. Mrs JM is doing very well. We both send our best wishes to you and hope that everything is good for you, you sexy babe.

To the rest of the swing world... I can provide an illustrative example here of what I was saying in my previous post. We have never met Mr and Mrs. Lost. We have communicated with them on SLS. (Mostly Mr. JM and Mrs. Lost) Who knows, if we were geographically close to each other if we would become play partners or not. I am a bit older than what I think Mrs. Lost likes. I may not be her type of dude at all. All of the same compatibility issues would go along with our spouses, too. But I do know that we would at the very least become fast friends who can talk about our swinging openly with each other.

We may not swing with everyone we meet here. But there is a fellowship of spirit as we are all operating outside the vanilla norms of the rest of the world.

Greenville SC
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Just saying hi to JM!! Hope y'all are well


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The fact is that there are so many variables to the swing equation and its participants...

Him; age, sexual choices, height, weight, body type, penis size, personality, and about a dozen other factors, Her; age, sexual choices, height, weight, body type, desired penis size, personality and all the other factors. Them as a couple; swing level, kinks, what they like, what they want, how they interact together and with others...

It is hard to find those who meet your vision and your quest on here.

There is much that has to fit together (pardon the pun.)

Greenville SC
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To answer for others:

We started out with couples and originally were one of those "no single men" couples ourselves.

While we are still open to couples, my interest has faded mostly due to logistics and such.

Like others have said, couples are many times mismatched in the "looks department"

I dont mean this as arrogant, but my wife is really hot with a great body. Im a skinny average guy who is not fat at all but not a gym body and im hung to what i admit is average.

Its hard to find couples to match in our age range.

If a couple has a really hot, worked out, hung guy. Im intimidated because we are going to swap and shes not exactly upgrading.

Same in the reverse. When we find couples where she is hot and fit and he is overweight and small. Then my wife gets the bad end.

And with my wife looking the way she does, its hard for ME to be interested in a lot of others too.

I cannot perform with someone who is overweight. So that rules out the hot guy with the bigger woman couples.

Please understand I dont mean this as knocking myself. I have no problem with how I look, and have no self esteem problems. Im perfectly comfortable getting naked with anyone.

But we have run across enough couples that once pics are exchanged have tried to get my wife alone. So Im a realist in saying someone who regularly has sex with a 9 incher attached to a gym body, is not going to jump all over me.

With that said also, when I have played as a single, I was surprised at the action that I did get by myself, and was invited back to, with couples who in my opinion were quite up there on the hotness scale. But I think my experience, the fact that I dont look like I hit the ugly tree, and the fact that Im the one that actually is no BS and shows up is why I was "selected" and called back.

Thats why I tell guys on the forums here to read, be real, respond, follow directions. Even if youre overweight, not hung or insecure.

Ill be honest and say......I know I probably havent been peoples first choice. But after dealing with the BS, they get to me. And Im real. I show up. And I perform.

IM TOTALLY COOL WITH THAT. Ive been laid many times in my life with women who I wondered how the heck I pulled that off. But hell, I dont care.

I still dont know how I got a second date with my wife almost 10 years ago.

With that said. You have to be at least close to a match. When a couple is looking for a young bi guy in my age range, slim or fit, and doesnt specify he NEEDS TO BE 13 INCHES. I fit that. So I would email. I am a match, if they look at the pics and decide they are attracted.

But like I find silly here. I didnt waste time emailing people who were not even close to a match.

We're a young couple with a hot fit young woman. And specified we were looking for a young (preferably bi) hung guy who was somewhat local and such.

Not to be mean, but I never understood the endless supply of 45+ year old overweight, small hung, men who would email us.

There are people for them too. Hell Ill probably be one in a few years myself. But why take the time to write to people who you already know wont be a match.

In all these years Ive never seen a young hot, gym bodied couple post looking for "Balding, overweight, small endowed, hairy men, 25 years our senior"

And thats not an insult to those men.

What I HAVE seen is balding, overweight, small endowed, hairy men, 25 years our senior, with no shortage of recent certifications.

So that gives me hope when I get there...haha

Mount Juliet TN
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"That killed plastic for the night" I have no idea what that means. or why its there...haha

Well Ive been back and forth in the forums, complaining one minute, and then reporting a change the next day and again and again.

Finally last night I decided to call it quits on my end. The reality is that we are not on the same page and it causes us problems.

And we do have trouble communicating when it comes to talking about the subject. So I decided to just cool it on my end.

My problem is that I get upset when she doesnt show the same desire with couple swinging as when she goes away and has certain encounters on her own. It took me a while to realize why, and that they are not really the same thing.

The buildup, excitement, sneakyness, and passion that comes from an encounter like she will have away, is a totally different experience than as a couple coming online looking for an extra dick for the night. Its all the excitement and rush you get from an affair or "doing something wrong" except that in the end, she can tell me and have no negative consequences.

In my world before. After telling me about a weekend like that, I expect her to be all revved up to go as a couple, and wonder why where not online with the same drive. And that would upset me. But again, I realize the two are not the same.

She says she enjoys swinging and wants to do it. So Ive decided to just back right out of it and see what happens. I made our profiles "inactive" and Im just not going to bring the subject up.

Now its totally up to her to bring it up or do anything with it, so we'll see what comes of it.

Mount Juliet TN
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Actually a little secret is that we like the idea of her meeting "alone" and playing alone while i watch on cam. We could do this safely since I have an office right next to the house and would be very close.

We're planning on setting that up soon. But don't advertise it.

I know most guys would love to meet her "alone"

But we have a HUGE problem with THEM requesting it to start. Just the other night we had a response to a couple ad we put online for some more instant gratification. Picked a guy. Perfect match. And a few hours before the meet started to try to get my wife alone the "first time" earlier in the day. And then come later for the 3 sum.

After the ad said right in bold caps. "WE PLAY AS A COUPLE. DO NOT ASK TO PLAY WITH HER ALONE. WE FIND IT INSULTING"

so that killed plastic for that night

Mount Juliet TN
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I misread the question actually and told you what you already knew...lolo

For myself. I do. But rarely. Personally, I have little desire to have sex with someone other than my wife. My kink with the whole lifestyle is her being with someone else, not so much me.

Thats why I have to be patient and not pushy with things. I have the freedom to do anything I want so when shes in her "not interested" times I could play as a single guy. But since my thrill involves her, Im careful not to push her to do something she isnt feeling.

Mount Juliet TN
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Kind of

We don't look or set up to meet people separately. But we do sometimes take advantage of chance situations on our own.

We're both from the northeast and travel back and forth from there individually from time to time. So i may meet an old friend while im there. Or she goes to different camping events and such without me that sometimes opportunity comes along and she goes with it.

All above board, no secrets, and its one of my major turn ons when she comes home with a "story"

But as a general rule in "swinger life" no we dont play separately.

Mount Juliet TN
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TOPIC: How many couples are totally in it together