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TOPIC: How do you respond when
Created by: Kymber_Fitzroy
Original Starting post for this thread:
Ok, I have a question for the couples out there. I'd like the male and female view. First, a little background on us.... I (Kymber) take care of all the email and making profiles and things concerning swinging. Hubby kinda sits back and lets me handle everything and have the final say. I've noticed that most couples we've talked to have the male of the couple handling everything. I've changed our profile to reflect the fact that the female is usually the one responding, etc.

Anyways, we get a message from a female... who I assume believes hubby is the one handling things... talking about she wants to ride the snake and she wishes that they were closer. She's a straight female, mind you, which we are not looking for at all. Well, I responded with the fact that it wouldn't work out even if the distance was shorter because hubby and I only play together and we want bi or bi-curious females. I've had to respond that way (kinda bitchy like) to several women who are obviously only interested in my husband and not taking the time to read about what WE are looking for. Well, I finally changed the profile to reflect the fact that I am the one running things... in the hopes to deter the females from writing for hubby only.

Well, yesterday I get an email from a single guy. Most likely a result of the profile change and of what the profile now says. He compliments my beauty and I compliment him... as he truly is gorgeous (at least the 2 pics posted were of a gorgeous man) and I ask to see more pics (gut feeling the 2 pics may be fake). Today I get a response to that reply that says this, and I've removed the city so I don't identify the guy:

" BEAUTIFUL I'm sorry.......those are the only ones i have. Do you ever get out to ****** or anywhere that we could be sneaky and meet. How exciting could that be. I'd love to see more of you as well."

I respond the same way I do with the ladies... except a bit harsher with him... telling him not to contact us again as he is disrespecting our marriage and that we don't play solo... just as our profile states.

My question to ya'll is..... do you get this type of BS all the time? Do you respond with bitchiness like I did or do you try to sweeten it up. Personally, it pisses me off to get messages like that... especially when it's VERY clear in our profile about what we want and are looking for or not looking for. Do you think I should handle it a bit differently or is what I said/did acceptable? We're very new and would like to hear the opinions of others. Kymber

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Repost as I had his name in the post... deleted and reposted the rest of the message:

Well, needless to say, he didn't take my advice and not write back... he, of course, had to make a jab to feel better about being denied. I guess he is one of those people who think fat chicks will gobble up attention from anyone.... how wrong he was about this girl! His reply to my denial message:

Subject BEAUTIFUL....... that's funny because it was only meant to be a snide joke. I don't mess with married women. Nor would I be married and let someone fuck my with and think it's cool. Don't return this email as well! So, do you think I look like a woman who isn't married? I mean... how can you miss the fact that there is my husband in the very first pic you see on our profile? Sorry, but this doesn't sound like a "snide joke" as he says it is now:

BEAUTIFUL I'm sorry.......those are the only ones i have. Do you ever get out to Dallas or anywhere that we could be sneaky and meet. How exciting could that be. I'd love to see more of you as well.

Sucks that he is a paid member too. You usually expect the buttheads to be the free members. *sigh* It's funny that he says he wouldn't let his wife mess with others... if he was married, yet he is a paid member trying to hook up with the ladies. Guess his point is that everyone out here who lets another man have sex with their wife is wrong. Strange belief process for a swinger.

Redstarr - Thanks, glad to know I handled it right.

CentralBucksCpl & Christy27x & DWTally - We both chat and look at the messages and stuff... I didn't mean that I am the only one on here. He just takes a back seat to it all and lets me handle everything. We're really hoping that we find that right couple sooner than later! Finding that treasure seems to take a hell of a lot of digging though!

BacchusnLadywife - I think people don't really read it all too. Which is a shame... as I wouldn't dare write someone without fully reading what they are all about first. Another thing... if they don't have much written at all... I won't write either... I just have a need to know before making the effort to write. I wish more would do the same. We're not into the cyber sex thing... I mean it's nice to be able to check out another couple live on cam... so you know they are who they say they are... but when it's just the man of the couple who EVER is there.... you know it's all about faking to get some cyber coochie!

ShoreCpl - I don't know what this guy was thinking... but the swinging/cheating confusion theory fits rather well. I think he really is a confused individual.

CoupleLookingPA - Doesn't it make your stomach turn though? I mean, I get pissed when someone has the balls to ask me to creep behind my husbands back... or vice versa. It's just asinine and I feel the need to respond. Of course I won't respond to this idiot again... but I HAD to say something the first time they disrespect.

Anyways, I appreciate all the comments and advice. It is a relief to know that others get the same type of disrespect and that they handle it pretty much the same way we did. People just need to think before they open their mouths... or start to type. Kymber

Omaha NE
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We don't think you did Bacchus, he didn't respect your wishes or your relationship if he wasn't addressing you both. That's the bottom line.

Center Valley PA
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Can't agree with Expo more. It shouldn't make anyone upset, laugh it off. Or at least usually laugh it off. We've only had one time where we got upset and we did take action. It was another site and one in which hubby actually is on as much as me due to it being more of a California site where we lived for 16 years and many of our friends hang out in the chat there. A single man began to turn up in chat with a screen name indicating the Marine Corps. As the mother of a Marine, I was very welcoming to him although making it clear we only make platonic friends with single males as a rule. We started to get non-stop IM's and e-mail directed only to the female of us. He also automatically assumed it was just Laurie in chat. One of the consistent themes was what a striking resemblance I bore to his late wife and how my personality seemed similar to hers. Eventually Bacchus wrote him a very polite e-mail but explained that the gentleman should not assume it was always the wife and that we were feeling uncomfortable. This site does have a blocking feature but we only like to use that as a last resort. He apologized and we thought that was the end of it, until........Two days later there was a brand new member, with a screen name indicating Marine, in the exact same location. Suddenly the e-mail and IM's started again from this new man. I confronted him in chat and he did admit to being the same person. We called the Webmaster, who we know. The gentleman was barred from the site. Question for all, seriously. Did we react too extreme?

Saint Augustine FL
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Our attitude about this is the same as centralbucks. The price of advertising yourselves on a swinger site is that you get a certain amount of idiotic mail. Not all that different from opening your mailbox everyday and looking through your snail mail. We throw out about 95% of it without even opening it. Don't you?

South Riding VA
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why even get upset over stupid people.our response to this kind of issue. sorry we have absolutely no interest. poof done , no one gets upset at our household, of ignorant people. Someone really has to do somehting really horrible for me to get upset about an on line situation.I can't take on line stuff seriously.

Sarasota FL
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I'm guilty of having a male half that NEVER reads a profile before writing someone. Luckily I do most of the writing, but he drives me nuts with that. The profile could say they were ax weilding murders for all he notices. Sigh.

Denham Springs LA
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It's usually the lady of us handling things, screening etc. Right now we're sitting together and here is our take on this topic. We feel like often, the whole profile is not read. Something we find as disrespectful as reading the whole profile and not respecting our wishes. We get ladies looking for very bi, men looking for sneaking, etc, etc. Ladies looking for snaeaking. The ones that are the most silly are the ones from way far away. Usually at that point we think there's a good chance the person in question is looking for cyber sex. But we agree, it's the cost of doing business.

Saint Augustine FL
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We'll have to agree that putting up with people like this is just part of the lifestyle. It is very annoying but, we've grown use to it...almost...:) Sifting through sand to find the very few treasures buried below makes it all worth the effort.

Tallahassee FL
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We've probably been fortunate we haven't had too many e-mails like this. I've tried to be polite at first and most have left us alone. Of course, she makes me be the one to reply to this type of e-mail. We have had only one couple we ended up blocking because they just couldn't get the hint.

We agree with what Centralbucks said. Being patient and putting up with some aggravation can make it all worth while when we meet and click with the right couple.

Johnstown NY
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We look at that as the cost of doing this type of business. We're both on the site and read mail and profiles but it is the Mr. moreso in the forum. After we discuss a profile that we'd like to go forward with, whoever opened the mail will reply.It can wear you down but when you meet the right couple and you click, it makes it worth the aggravation!!!!

Center Valley PA
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TOPIC: How do you respond when