How did you feel after the first time you actually enjoyed sex with someone other than your spouse: Swingers Discussion 178220

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TOPIC: How did you feel after the first time you actually enjoyed sex with someone other than your spouse

Created by: partygirl5558 Original Starting post for this thread:
My husband and I are new to this, and as you all know not all your encounters are going to be great. Well we have had a few and they were all short and uncomfortable for the both of us. I guess because of the situations or the fact that both of us wasn't really attracted or extra nervousness or for whatever reason. But the other night we had a playdate with a couple, that he was very much attracted to the female half. I was definately not at all attracted to the male half but was unable to actually have intercourse anyway. So I played orally with the female and the male. But he had sex with the female and got so caught up that he was oblivious to anyone else in the room. They enjoyed each other for 2 hours. When they were done, he sat at the end of the bed and rubbed on her legs and was asking her things like do you like to cuddle after sex and just strange stuff. I was a little bothered by this. One because we never have sex that long and vigorous, and he never makes noises when we are having sex, and when we are done he is ready to turn over and go to sleep. We have been married for 29 years. Am I just being paranoid? Has anyone else felt like this? Then when we got home he said he felt like he had done something wrong and could not even get an erection to have sex with me for like 3-4 days because he said he felt guilty because he enjoyed it too much. What should I think about that?

Created by: partygirl5558
Original Starting post for this thread:

My husband and I are new to this, and as you all know not all your encounters are going to be great.  Well we have had a few and they were all short and uncomfortable for the both of us.  I guess because of the situations or the fact that both of us wasn't really attracted or extra nervousness or for whatever reason.  But the other night we had a playdate with a couple, that he was very much attracted to the female half.  I was definately not at all attracted to the male half but was unable to actually have intercourse anyway.  So I played orally with the female and the male.  But he had sex with the female and got so caught up that he was oblivious to anyone else in the room.  They enjoyed each other for 2 hours.  When they were done, he sat at the end of the bed and rubbed on her legs and was asking her things like do you like to cuddle after sex and just strange stuff.  I was a little bothered by this.  One because we never have sex that long and vigorous, and he never makes noises when we are having sex, and when we are done he is ready to turn over and go to sleep.  We have been married for 29 years.  Am I just being paranoid?  Has  anyone else felt like this?  Then when we got home he said he felt like he had done something wrong and could not even get an erection to have sex with me for like 3-4 days because he said he felt guilty because he enjoyed it too much.  What should I think about that?

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User Details are only visible to members.	DE Cpl is on target on many things. I do politely disagree on seeking FMF or MFM partners unless that interests you. Ex- it does interest me but not the husband so that's out with us. Also, the part about doing this for each other- not so with us. I'd stop if asked, but this is about individual pleasure. I can't literally feel pleasure for him, nor can he feel it for me. We can enjoy the fact that our partner is experiencing something great, new, and fun.
Pulaski TN			Username hidden (491 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	What DE_Cple said! We've said it before ...Sex and Love are NOT synonyms, and treating them as the same thing causes so much heartburn! Further, there has to be flexibility in any relationship. Swinging is supposed to be fun. If you or your partner don't think that you would have fun playing with someone, then don't. If we're at a restaurant with someone and my wife doesn't feel any interest at all in the other male, then neither of us is going to play. Same situation at a house party and I might play with the other lady while the wife continues to chat. Or vice versa. Flexibility. Just don't ever feel that you Must play with someone with whom you have no interest at all, just so your partner can play too. If you're not having fun, then don't do it!
Fairview Heights IL			Username hidden (634 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	JnD, it happens like that with us all the time. Unfortunately, we get told how wrong we are. For us, wrong would be one of us "taking one for the team." I think your advice is solid and thought provoking. Everyone reading should consider what you say.
Pulaski TN			Username hidden (491 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	PartyGirl, your "we will not play with a couple unless we both are attracted to them" sounds good in theory but in practice it really means "we will not play". The odds of all four of you connecting, where everyone is attracted to everyone, is very long indeed. It does happen, but you'll be waiting a loooong while for it. The usual course is where A/B meet C/D, A and C get along very well while B and D get along moderately. However, sometimes even when that happens, A and D (or B and C) actively dislike each other. It happens. We've made it a practice to never play on a 'first date', but to spend time getting acquainted. Afterward we compare notes in private and decide where we want to try to go, with nobody experiencing any pressure. We presume that they do the same. If they're a "go" and we're a "go", then it's all good. We've been around the LS many years. Over time we've found a few couples who were "No Way!", many who were "maybe, maybe not...let's see how it develops", and a few who were "Yes!" We just try to be flexible. :-) Hope this helped a little. JnD
Fairview Heights IL			Username hidden (634 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I think we all knew what you meant. Good thread for the newbies (for me at least).
Fort Worth TX			Username hidden (1434 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I made a goof in that last statement. What I meant to say is "It looks like playing separately is not a possibility right now." Sorry about that. Just that kind of day...
Pulaski TN			Username hidden (491 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	A goal we have is to always finish the night with each other. It's a rule we called "save the best for last". I call it a goal now because we've never been able to stick to that rule! LOL! Still, we intend to have sex with each other before we leave the premesis.
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (14 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Well if you have been married since you were 14 and he was 18 I am sure you two did not have much experience with other partners. It just sounds like your husband had an awesome time. It was nothing against you. You should not feel jealous but it is normal to feel it. Reinforce the fact that he should not feel guilty. Like the other poster said make sure you have some sort of signal set up so if one feels uncomfortable the other is aware of it. Never take one for he team to please the other..ever. Talking about everything helps. The more you talk the better off you are. If you still have issues I would stop swinging until you resolve them. Have fun :)
Augusta NJ			Username hidden (16075 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	That dynamic between both sets of partners is fantastic- but hard to find. We have had an unusually low success rate with it but that's just us. You don't "take one for the team," that's a given. So you play only as a couple, because it sounds as if playing separately is not going to be an issue with you- at least not right now. Best Wishes!
Pulaski TN			Username hidden (491 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	partygirl, just about everything you described is a VERY natural reaction to those experiences that MANY couples have had, especially as you are just getting started and still getting your sea legs. A few things that if you haven't already taken from the experience, you might want to consider: (1a) You should both try to always stay "in tune" with eachothers' comfort level to make sure you're both having a good time during a play night. (1b) The tricky thing with that is you don't want the person you're playing with to not feel they have your full attention. Tough but important balance. (1c) Don't assume your partner can just "read" you... figure out a way to communicate you're uncomfortable through some sign or something that BOTH lets your partner know AND also doesn't create drama and ruin the mood for the people you are with. Subtle but clear. (2) Get used to evenings never being equal experiences - more balanced than you described yes, but never equal. Over time you'll have good experiences that aren't as good for him, and things will balance out. Until then, resist the natural temptation to do any measure of scorekeeping. (Not that you were... I'm just sayin'...) (3) Lots of people look to get that first experience "out of the way" and will do what you did - get with someone even though you aren't attracted to them. Don't do it again - it never is worth it. (4) You should EXPECT eachother to do things with other people you don't do with yourself... part of the fun of this isn't just new contours of bodies, but whole new experiences in how people have sex. THAT part should be a good thing. :) (5) The only thing to be worried about is if AFTER you have a playnight with other people your husband STILL has sex with you like before you ever got into this. This whole experience - if it goes well - should inject new energy into how you are with eachother. (6) Sympathies to your hubby feeling guilty at first, but glad to hear you guys have talked about it. You'll find that talking will get you through 99% of the things that come up :) BEST wishes! LOVE the genuine, sincere nature of your post!
Hopkinton MA			Username hidden (256 post)

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TOPIC: How did you feel after the first time you actually enjoyed sex with someone other than your spouse

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