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Have been hurt by others what to do : Swingers Discussion 185224
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TOPIC: Have been hurt by others what to do
Created by: countrycouple09
Original Starting post for this thread:
We had friends with benefits that we became very close to only to be thrown away like garbage. We enjoy doing this but don't want to be collateral damage again.....These other people were all good with everything until one day months later they told us they were done with us and had found other people :( What do we do? Is this how the majority of people act?
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That's good to hear that there are success stories too. Good for you guys :)

Snowden Canada
 
 
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Spot on, Jack and Darlene. We decided long ago, we wouldn't fuck with people we had no emotional connection to. We have a couple of couple friends also in long term (one-time marriages) that we have known for several years. As often as not, we may wind up seeing a movie, having a coffee or playing cards. When all systems are go, we play, but our relationship as friends is its own reward.

Charlotte NC
 
 
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As with any relationship, swinging or vanilla, the closer the relationship is the more it's going to hurt if it does go south. And, just as with a vanilla relationship that goes sour, it's tempting to say "We'll never do That again!". Some avoid all emotional attachments in their swinging, some don't. We Like the emotional attachments, as we feel that sex without friendship is seriously lacking in 'connection'. We too have another cpl with whom we're seriously attached, but we're geographically distant enough that it's a treat when we're able to get together again. Perhaps this limits the opportunity to go overboard. We like to think that we four have lasted as long as we have (about eleven years) because we always put our spouse first in our lives. I and my spouse have just celebrated our 40th anniv, and the other cpl have celebrated their 39th, and we're all still in Luv with our respective spouses. We're all still on our first marriages, too.

Thumbnail version; Yes, Long-term FWB's can work. However, they're just as susceptible to failure as any other relationship...and just as rewarding.

Fairview Heights IL
 
 
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I should also add that the couple that these people left us for....he ended up running off with the other guys wife!!!!"

Yep, unfortunately this is the end for the vast majority at least of these couples. I do not think they start with this intention of course...but people are emotional creations. You just cannot think that you are going to be intimate to that exclusive level with other people and NOT be connected at an intimate, emotional level. And that can cause you to unintentionally become very, very confused.

San Marcos TX
 
 
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And I think you are right as well, lost_j1.... I mean they are divorced, and so are the couple they met after us!!!!!

Snowden Canada
 
 
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And thank you for the "welcome" Akron :) This post was the first time we've even looked at the forums......cheers

Snowden Canada
 
 
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Knowing what we know now.....We defiantly learned from our mistake and will take what we have learned forward with us in the future.

Snowden Canada
 
 
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Let me rephrase....We weren't specifically looking for "one" couple. But when we met this other couple, we stopped looking for other couples as they wanted to keep it "exclusive" and we had no problem with that. But looking back now, there were warning signs with them from the beginning. We had never done anything like this before so we didn't know it at the time.....but we always sensed that something was a bit "off"...... We couldn't provide them with what they were looking for which in the end turned out to be replacements for each other. I love my wife and she loves me (they figured that out). We got into this to play out fantasies and to watch each other have fun............... I should also add that the couple that these people left us for....he ended up running off with the other guys wife!!!!

Snowden Canada
 
 
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Amen Lost (once again) relationships are reserved for the one we love.We like, respect and enjoy our playmates but we have no desire to form a connection that involves emotions of any kind. Our profile says it all and if others seek something more than we offer the swing world is a big place....move along.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
 
 
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I also agree with Ms. Sav. We have been asked to be exclusive before and politely declined the offer. It just opens up to too much bs. When you go exclusive you in a way are giving them "monogamy"...and with that comes intimacy and emotions...and from what I have learned, a sense of ownership in a way. I learned from my gf...you never, ever go exclusive with anyone because one almost always has stronger feelings than the other and, like a divorce really, it gets absolutely NASTY when things go bad. I mean, nasty. Not only that, in my area I do not know one couple, that was exclusive with another couple, that is not now divorced. And I mean that literally. You start going on "dates" with the other, being intimate, making pillow talk...you just know that train is gonna de-rail at some point.

San Marcos TX
 
 
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TOPIC: Have been hurt by others what to do