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Group settings - How do you say No without being impolite : Swingers Discussion 223348
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TOPIC: Group settings - How do you say No without being impolite
Created by: wercurious4u2
Original Starting post for this thread:
We have enjoyed several large club parties but at times have shied away from other parties and house parties. She is an attractive women and can get a lot attention and hates to be put in the position of saying she isn't interested in particular pursuers. She appreciates and understands the efforts others, especially single guys, have to make at times. (She has been so nice as to allow someone to bed her that she wasn't particularly attracted to because he "was nice and tried so hard" - lol) She is fun and outgoing and interested in sexual pleasure but, like all of us, has her preferences. We know that "no, means no" but how do you do that tactfully and pleasantly and then have that person/couple watch you walk up the stairs with someone else? At least with meeting someone outside the party environment we can say "thanks but not a match" and feel that we aren't further hurting feelings by selecting others while they see it happen. Others have comments or suggestions?

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I agree with laughinglovers .. Just a simple "No Thanks". No explanation needed. We are done trying to dance around saying "No" because we are afraid someone might get butt hurt about it.. Because some people cant take hints.

Example.. A woman approached my wife literally seconds after I left her alone to get up and go to the bath room. I was standing across the room waiting in line. The woman got no where with my wife so came up to me while i was still in line. Explaining how she can take good care of my wife. I replied "ok, we'll get you if we decide to do that". trying to be nice. 15 minutes later my wife and I were sitting on the couch watching something interesting going on. This woman came up to us again. Asking if we wanted to go back into a private room with her.

I said "no we're good, I think we'll watch whats going on here". She then proceeded to basically disrespect me and then looked at my wife and repeated the question. My wife, not wanting to be mean, was literally speechless. They both sat there and stared at each other. Finally I said.. "no, I think shes good right here". and finally the woman walked away.

After that exp. We are both done trying to dance around it. A simple No, not interested. Is all thats needed. And that should work. If it doesnt and you are at a local club remind them of the "No, Means No policy". No one wants to be banned from a local club.

Altamonte Springs FL
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Simple no means no! If that person or couple does not understand the meaning of no then those type of people should not be in the lifestyle. Its all about respect.

Los Angeles CA
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I am usually walking and mingling with others and have a glass of wine.. if approached I say I am just now relaxing with a glass of wine, if you dont mind I would like to take in a few more "sights" and maybe we can see in a bit.. thing is I dont drink wine.. the glass is never empty..when I find the "interest" of the evening I just put it somewhere safe and enjoy..........

Spring TX
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Perhaps a very simple answer will suffice; "Because I don't want to." That should do it. Be firm and don't waiver. If they remain a pest, you can add, "I said I don't want to. Now go away."

I've always responded well to the second line!!

Bowie MD
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Having the safety and anonymity of being behind the computer screen does make it easier than the face to face encounter but remember that "No." is a full sentence. "No, thank you" is better, but it can end there. If she is really having difficulty standing her ground as she seems to be doing on occasion you can always tell her to use you as the bad guy or if she honestly doesn't know yet, she can also express that by saying: "let me think about it."

QUOTE ......hates to be put in the position of saying she isn't interested in particular pursuers. She appreciates and understands the efforts others, especially single guys, have to make at times. (She has been so nice as to allow someone to bed her that she wasn't particularly attracted to because he "was nice and tried so hard" - lol) ENDQUOTE

I would say that if the previous statements continue to be true you need to really work on some specific and absolute strategies for the present until she can come to terms with her ambivalence about answering. The very essence of this LS is about respect for the other and being able to express your preferences for partners and play clearly and respectfully. Fucking someone out of guilt and appreciation for 'how nice they are' is going to lead to some serious resentments.

Brunnerville PA
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Brings an incident to mind: At a large club in the Chicago area I asked a young lady if she'd care to dance. Her response? "I don't know. How much do you make?" Needless to say, I walked away with a very sour taste not only for her but for a club which would have such members. We never went back.


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I actually saw someone just come right out and say you're too ugly. I really felt bad for the guy. Oh wait, it was me. Talk about ruining your night, lol I think I just stood there for a minute and was like WOW that was special.

Just be as polite as you can, If they can't take a hint then be as rude as you need to be.

Port Saint Lucie FL
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A simple 'no thank you', adding to that is patronizing. If they are a little daft and have to ask why the rejection, then it is their failing, not yours. You don't owe anyone an explanation and they are fools if they demand one.

Oklahoma City OK
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Start with a compliment. "You're very (bright, handsome, funny etc) but I'm just not feeling a spark. I hope we can remain friends / become friends." Short, sweet and honest...surely there is something NICE she can say lol. Never use words like "maybe later", I'm not in the mood" or "we just came to socialize" Honesty is the best policy . Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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We have enjoyed several large club parties but at times have shied away from other parties and house parties. She is an attractive women and can get a lot attention and hates to be put in the position of saying she isn't interested in particular pursuers. She appreciates and understands the efforts others, especially single guys, have to make at times. (She has been so nice as to allow someone to bed her that she wasn't particularly attracted to because he "was nice and tried so hard" - lol) She is fun and outgoing and interested in sexual pleasure but, like all of us, has her preferences. We know that "no, means no" but how do you do that tactfully and pleasantly and then have that person/couple watch you walk up the stairs with someone else? At least with meeting someone outside the party environment we can say "thanks but not a match" and feel that we aren't further hurting feelings by selecting others while they see it happen. Others have comments or suggestions?

Fayetteville NY
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TOPIC: Group settings - How do you say No without being impolite