125
Give them another chance : Swingers Discussion 222642
Busy Swingers Forum - everything you always wanted to know about swingers.
SwingLifeStyle Swingers Personal Ads. | SwingLifeStyle Swingers Clubs

Busy Swingers Forum

Everything you always wanted to know about swingers.

Create A Free Account

HELP
FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsSwinger AdviceGive them another chance
TOPIC: Give them another chance
Created by: pollyanna01
Original Starting post for this thread:
Tried to keep this short but not easy…

We met a couple several years ago and became regular play partners and friends over the course of 3 years or so. We would see them maybe 5-6 times a year and always had a blast. Very abruptly we stopped hearing from them altogether. The girls had been frequent texters\talkers and even an occasional lunch or non -play date. We would try to reach out every once in awhile but never any reply at all so after awhile we gave up trying to reach them altogether. We were a little bummed but we know that this can happen so resigned ourselves to the fact that we wouldn’t be seeing them again. So after 18 months or so of no contact at all we get an email from the Mr asking if we would like to get together again. He also said that he would like to keep it a surprise from his Mrs so it would be an extra treat. Normally this would send up the biggest of red flags and we would say N.F.W. However, we regularly engaged in fantasies and setting up certain scenarios (including surprise meetings) with this couple. We replied that we would need to hear from her in order to consider meeting again as we wanted to make sure both were on the same page. After a week or so we got a call and the girls chatted for about ½ hour. They did not talk about getting together again but pretty much kept it to just a normal conversation that two friends would have catching up with each other. Later that same day we get an email from the Mr saying that they would love to get together; either as a “surprise” for her or planned he would leave that decision to us. So, what would you do? We are a little stung by the lack of contact but would love to play with them again. Likely clouding our judgement a bit is the fact that bar-none this was the most amazing couple we have met in the lifestyle – the Mrs was totally into both of them and that is a rarity for us.

GoTo Page: 1 ... More 
 1 to 10 of 10 
User Details are only visible to members.
In my previous life as a very active single male, I played with a couple several times and had a great time. Then I did not hear from them for 2 years. My modus operandi is to have couples come to me (i.e., I don't chase people), so I did not go out of my way to find them.

Two years later they looked me up to play again. We got together and had a great time. They broached the subject with "Don't you want to know where we have been?".

He joined some branch of the military and they moved together with their 3 kids to Hawaii...he immediately fell down some hill and was declared disabled...they had a 4th child...she had a long-distance dispute with her blood relatives over title to some real estate back home that almost escalated to a Hatfield/MCoy conflict ...ya da ya da ya da......they decided to come back...the first thing they did was to look me up.

I continue to adhere to my modus operandi of just not asking...drama avoidance is the main benefit.

The former single male previously known as Uriah (aka "Mr. Aloof")

Memphis TN
Username hidden
(3245 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
i would forget about them. if they really wanted to get together they would have by now.

Philadelphia PA
Username hidden
(2020 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
So just a little update...as if anyone cares, lol

After they asked us to get together again we worked towards finding a date. We proposed a couple dates but they couldn't make any of them so we asked them to propose some. They came back with a date about 2weeks in the future and we said it worked for us. The day before they emailed saying that the date wouldn't work after all. We said ok, propose another that works. Again, they come back with a date about 2 weeks down the road. Again, we said it works for us and that we will line up the details as the day approaches. The girls texted each other in between and all seemed fine and excitement was building. We get another email the morning of saying that it wouldn't be the best of nights as they can't get out until much later than anticipated ...as both couples have kids at home, and it's a school night, it's just not going to work. This all happened about 2 months ago and we haven't heard from them since.

So basically, in the 5 months that they reinstated contact, we still haven't gotten together.

Danvers MA
Username hidden
(26 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
In your shoes, I'd definitely hit them with something like "We don't want to intrude on your private lives or get too personal, but What Happened that you disappeared like you did? We Missed You!" Their response should clarify whether they had to take time to resolve issues or were simply being jerks. Then you can decide whether you want to move forward or call a halt.


Username hidden
(789 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
I don't see anything wrong with asking them the simple question of..."What happened to you guys?" You'll probably get some lame-ass excuse, but at least you'll let them know that what they did wasn't cool.

And you're right, no one *owes* anyone anything in this lifestyle, but...a LOT of people take that as being it's ok to be a jerk to people. We don't even get the decency of common courtesy from most people here.

Lahaina HI
Username hidden
(506 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Somehow it comes across that you were friends, and then you were incommunicado, and now they want to pick up where it was left off -- with the additional wrinkle that the other wife may be surprised to see you?

This is a scenario with 3 of 4 people in the dark on some level. What is inviting about this? It would be impossible for me to converse with either of the other couple without broaching the subject: "The wife and I have just been without a clue as to what might have happened with you two..." -- along those lines.

If the other husband isn't a control freak, he is surely very naive. Reasonable people don't just dump their friends without explanation, and then want to come back without explanation.

Flat Rock NC
Username hidden
(2984 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
I smell drama, I would definitely dig deeper or walk away. In no way would I agree to a play date before all the cards were on the table and all four of you were involved in a discussion as to exactly what happened. You may be able to remove emotions from the equation and stay objective, this might not have been the case for the he or she from the other couple. Or it could be something as simple as they needed a lifestyle break and just went cold turkey for a while. Maybe none of the above, more complicated, or less complicated, either way, do not jump off a diving board without knowing how deep the water is.

Blythe GA
Username hidden
(250 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Thanks NC...i hear what you're saying. I think we are pretty good at keeping the emotions out of it and one thing we try to keep in mind in the lifestyle is that with the exception of some common courtesy, nobody owes us anything here. They certainly werent courteous by blowing us off, and we would love to know why but dont want to pry into anything too personal.

Danvers MA
Username hidden
(26 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Pollyanna, you have beautiful pics.

Before you meet up with this couple again, shouldn't you simply and directly ask them what happened to interrupt your relationship with them?

If it isn't discussed beforehand, it surely would be the elephant in the room when you get together. Seems like it could get downright emotional in person.

Flat Rock NC
Username hidden
(2984 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Tried to keep this short but not easy…

We met a couple several years ago and became regular play partners and friends over the course of 3 years or so. We would see them maybe 5-6 times a year and always had a blast. Very abruptly we stopped hearing from them altogether. The girls had been frequent texters\talkers and even an occasional lunch or non -play date. We would try to reach out every once in awhile but never any reply at all so after awhile we gave up trying to reach them altogether. We were a little bummed but we know that this can happen so resigned ourselves to the fact that we wouldn’t be seeing them again. So after 18 months or so of no contact at all we get an email from the Mr asking if we would like to get together again. He also said that he would like to keep it a surprise from his Mrs so it would be an extra treat. Normally this would send up the biggest of red flags and we would say N.F.W. However, we regularly engaged in fantasies and setting up certain scenarios (including surprise meetings) with this couple. We replied that we would need to hear from her in order to consider meeting again as we wanted to make sure both were on the same page. After a week or so we got a call and the girls chatted for about ½ hour. They did not talk about getting together again but pretty much kept it to just a normal conversation that two friends would have catching up with each other. Later that same day we get an email from the Mr saying that they would love to get together; either as a “surprise” for her or planned he would leave that decision to us. So, what would you do? We are a little stung by the lack of contact but would love to play with them again. Likely clouding our judgement a bit is the fact that bar-none this was the most amazing couple we have met in the lifestyle – the Mrs was totally into both of them and that is a rarity for us.

Danvers MA
Username hidden
(26 posts)
GoTo Page: 1 ... More 
 1 to 10 of 10 
TOPIC: Give them another chance