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Getting frustrated with meeting new swingers : Swingers Discussion 36064
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TOPIC: Getting frustrated with meeting new swingers
Created by: Kitchens The original post for this thread was deleted.
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ahhhh ok....my bad...thought I got lost for a minute :)

normally called a brain fart! lol

Carrollton GA
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the original post isn't about someone new to the lifestyle, but rather new to THEM. :)

Sterling VA
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heh? ok I missed something...thought we were talking about newbies...I think i walked in the wrong forum or something :)

Carrollton GA
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kichens, i haven't read all of the replies so excuse me if i repeat someone else's sentiments. it's an anomaly if you see a profile, plan to meet, meet and hook up all without speaking on the phone, a no strings meeting first, anything with VERY little build up to the actual HOOK UP. so we've gotten lucky a few times, but our best experiences have come when there WAS no anticipation, no expectation of gettin' down before we all ALREADY established face to face chemistry.

a fantastic treat was a group of all ladies- some single, some married, all bi, who would all get together for drinks and get to know each other. i could easily tell which ladies i clicked with and WE got closer, introduced the men on the next meeting and let sparks fly!

i may organize another group like that... that was low pressure and high fun.

anyway- i gotta go! point is- the definitiion of insanity is doing the same thing again and again yet expecting different results! try a new tactic to meeting folks. :)

ciao!

Xandria

Sterling VA
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oh I agree...there are head cases no matter where you go...I guess it's just the fact of I like to talk and meet new people...I enjoy answering questions that newbies have...we've been in this lifestyle for 10yrs now but we got into it in such a way that we met alot of people and have been to alot of the socials and clubs...never have played with many couples cause we like the friends aspect of it more...and we've made some really good friends that we've known for years and that's the way I try to lead new couples...

that's just my thoughts on the subject though and not everyone is going to see it the same way!

Carrollton GA
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I remember when we were new in the lifestyle. We just jumped in with both feet, and started living our fantasies right away. We had been together for about 25 years at the time, and we both decided what we wanted to do together. Of course, we had a million questions, and we weren't always sure if we'd done the right thing or not. Luckily for us, we met a group of people who had all been in the lifestyle for a long time. They became our "coaches", for lack of a better title. They taught us a lot, and we still play by the rules they taught us. So, we've always felt this "karma" thing, that leads us to help new people in whatever way we can.

We've met with lots of new couples, several of whom didn't bother to tell us they were new until it was much too late. We've gone through more drama, and crying, and never writing back than anyone should have to put up with. We've finally decided that we prefer to meet couples who have been in the lifestyle for a while, and aren't likely to wig out on us after 1 or 2 dates. I think we've repaid our beginnings to the lifestyle, and now we just like to play and have fun. We still meet new couples, but we don't generally go beyond meet-n-greets with them, except in very special cases. We've also found that there are a fair share of head cases among the more seasoned swingers, too, but that's a whole different story.

Just our opinion, Gry & Paula

West Sacramento CA
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Think about it like this....we were all new once and everyone has to start somewhere...we try to help newbies as much as we can and offer them answers to alot of questions that they have!

Carrollton GA
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Taking a MONTH off, redstarr??? Wow! We've taken a YEAR off once, and 3-6 months off several times. We took the year off deliberately, after the 4-couple group we were part of received a "shock" when one of the wives and one of the other husbands fell in love and started seeing each other behind their spouses' backs. We and the other uninvolved couple both took a year's hiatus from swinging altogether after that came out! Geez! We were all together most weekends anyway, and twice in one year we all played together on 10 consecutive weekends! Why the hell would anyone feel the need to cheat if they're fucking each other every weekend anyway?

We did find, though, that playing 40 weekends a year and twice playing 10 weekends in a row was too much. As much as we enjoyed it, we found we were having sex with other people more often than with each other, so we opted to slow down. Then our 4-couple group disintegrated, and both of our jobs became much more demanding and stressful, sapping our energy to where we just wanted to stay home & crash on weekends most of the time.

Life has plenty of "ups & downs," and not just in bed, either! In the last year we probably only played 4 times all year. Now our job situations have eased and we find ourselves feeling like playing a lot more. We are playing for the first time with a new couple this weekend, and in September attending a private house party with 7 other couples, four of whom we haven't met. So we're getting back into the "swing" of things.

I think it's entirely normal to have periods when you swing a LOT, and then periods when you don't swing much at all. It sure has been our personal experience, and we've seen it happen to most of our friends, too.

We think it's important to have other recreational interests besides swinging. Swinging can be a wonderful part of your life, but shouldn't dominate it. Not only do you need time for other interests too, but you also need to be sure you continue to have time for just the two of you, to keep the romance going and the home fires burning.

Just our opinion. As always, your mileage may vary.

Jim

South Riding VA
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I completly agree with valovers, some "newbies" need a little time in this lifestyle before they feel comfortable with actually playing. It can be scary, if something goes wrong you risk a good relationship. We were just the opposite, we jumped in with both feet and are now slowing down a little. I got a little burned out on playing and have let couples interested know that although we're still open to meeting people, we're taking a month or so off from actually swinging. Maybe if we'd slowly dipped our toes in the pool rather than diving in we wouldn't be experiencing the burn-out. Guess we got slut-overload...lol.

Denham Springs LA
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Maybe we just haven't had the same experience, but it sure seems to us that it's a gross exaggeration to say that there are more wannabes than real swingers on this and other swinger sites. Every site has newbies on it, and every site has wannabes who are trying to find the courage to become swingers. Some will make it, some will decide it's too much for them. That's to be expected, and ALL OF US were wannabes and newbies at one time.

In our experience, though, by far the vast majority of people on this and other swing sites are for real and really do swing, at least now & then and with at least one other couple.

Jim

South Riding VA
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TOPIC: Getting frustrated with meeting new swingers