125
Frustrated : Swingers Discussion 2126101011
Busy Swingers Forum - everything you always wanted to know about swingers.
SwingLifeStyle Swingers Personal Ads. | SwingLifeStyle Swingers Clubs

Busy Swingers Forum

Everything you always wanted to know about swingers.

Create A Free Account

HELP
FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsSwinger AdviceFrustrated
TOPIC: Frustrated
GoTo Page: 1 2 ... More 
Start   11 to 20 of 20 
User Details are only visible to members.
I hope your meeting goes well!

But even if you can report that it did, there are other aspects to the problem that have barely been touched on.

Many of the real couples on here are actually just him or her at first. When the person on here finds another couple that seems promising, he or she will get the spouse involved. The spouse may find the other couple promising too or say, "I'm not interested."

People who have been here or on similar sites for a while know that there are a large number of fakes and phonies. Those experienced people won't get their spouse involved until they're fairly sure they've found a real couple who are what they say they are. That may happen sooner than later, but if there's going to be a phone call, the spouse has to be involved. If the spouse says no, the phone call can't happen, and you never get called.

So one possibility for what is happening is that you two are committed, and one spouse of the other couple is committed, but then the fourth person says no and you never hear back. It would be nice if everyone shared your eagerness and got their spouse involved early, but that doesn't seem to be the case, and maybe for good reason.

And of course there's the problem of the non-real couples. When you give out a phone number, the game is up because there isn't a spouse (almost always a wife) or because the wife doesn't know the husband is looking for playmates and doesn't want to play at all, or because the husband has misrepresented what his wife is willing to do. So it's not always a bad idea to push for a phone call. If there was never a chance, you'll find out sooner that way.

Part of the learning curve here is knowing when to get your expectations up. That time is always longer than you think at first.

Kitty Hawk NC
Username hidden
(266 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
We've been in the LS about a year, and if there is one thing we've learned, it's PATIENCE. After an awesome "cherry popping", we really haven't clicked all around (remember, there are four people involved in couple-to couple relationships, and all four need to be on the same page) with another couple long term, though we've had a couple of nice play dates. I (male half here) would counsel that you take things slowly and be patient. The plus side is that we've made some cool new friends on a more vanilla basis, and we hope to spic things up in the new year. There are some really great people in the LS, and we look forward to meeting more!

Tempe AZ
Username hidden
(177 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Welcome to SLS Luvsalot, we liked your profile and can certainly appreciate other Tame/Moderate couples... too bad you live so far away!

Unfortunately what you're experiencing is the norm and not the exception. Most (if not all) of us have felt your frustration at some point and we can certainly see how you would be turned off by no-shows or a general lack of interest. We will caution against giving out your phone # so quickly (as outdoorsWNC stated there are several forums that caution against that {chalk it up to being a newbie}) but one thing we can tell you is to first and foremost be patient. As long as you're being up-front about who you are and honest about your wishes/desires you two will find what you're seeking. It was years before we met anyone within the lifestyle and even years more before anything ever happened.

Secondly, if you haven't we recommend you at least attend a party or two if only to converse with like minded people and find out what others have experienced. You're not obligated to participate in anything and typically more experienced couples will introduce themselves or even chaperone you two around.

Lastly, "Sometimes, the best way to find something is to stop looking for it!" We've essentially we resigned ourselves to the fact that if it ever happens it will be some random fortuitous encounter, like our waitress, the wife's hairdresser or the lady that helps her try on shoes.

Fairview Heights IL
Username hidden
(163 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Luvsalot, I just looked at your profile. You seem pretty nice to look at, and you're articulate. So I wonder, what's not to like?

Your age preference jumps out at me: You'd have people from 12 years younger to 2 years older. That's a bit on the narrow side, and way skewed against people older than yourselves.

You may be like many (most?) here, and feel that you're "younger than your years". You may even be older than your listed ages -- again, many here are.

When you fantasize, it may never be about you with older people. That's natural -- for your entire life, you were younger! But there's something to be said for experience; and if you're just starting out, you might get the most benefit from those with exactly the experience you're seeking.

Most of us are snobs about one thing or another. You may not think you are really "snobbish" about age, but it still may appear that way to others. Consider the possibility of expanding your acceptance range.

Flat Rock NC
Username hidden
(2984 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
finding us is very small, and the chance of them getting back to us within 100 years is infinitesimal. -------------------- Bwah ha ha...sometimes it seems like it! LOL

Jacksonville FL
Username hidden
(2271 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
For perspective, consider this analogy:

As vast as the universe is, we can suppose there is intelligent life out there somewhere. To find it, we locate likely solar systems and beam some messages that way. We also put out signals in random directions.

The chance of some other advanced species finding us is very small, and the chance of them getting back to us within 100 years is infinitesimal.

Compared to that, meeting fun swingers in swingland is not all that taxing!

Flat Rock NC
Username hidden
(2984 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Luvsalot, in the two examples you describe, you gave out your phone # and that was the last you heard from them? Read around the forums, and you'll notice that experienced folks generally do not give out their phone# until after they've met you, or it's really imminent. That's been our experience, too.

People who are quick to give out their number may be seen as rash, pushy, or even desperate. And while the optimism you feel on your end of the communication is surely genuine, those on the other end might be pretty jaded.

You certainly can't pin your hopes on one or two possible connections. That's a sure recipe for disappointment and frustration. Keeping plenty of irons in the fire, you just have to keep track of them all. It's a juggling act, and you figure out how best to deal with it.

Flat Rock NC
Username hidden
(2984 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
well if someone emailed us and was interested I generally figure it will be several weeks before we can manage to get together. We have kids so there is the arranging a sitter, working around football games, commitments for the kids for school, scouts, etc.

PG

Louisville KY
Username hidden
(17840 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
welcome to the forums Luvsalot. As BT said it takes time and this time of the year is hard. We actually put that we are on break because with all the holiday stuff we just aren't going to find the time to meet new people.

We were lucky and met a very nice SM when we had only been on site for a couple of weeks. Couples? not until several months later when we joined a local swing club.

PG

Louisville KY
Username hidden
(17840 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
It takes time. As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day. This time of year, you're competing with holiday season, visiting family, year end work commitments...all kinds of things. Like it or not, life gets in the way sometimes.

Even for the lowly single guy, an interesting email exchange may take a few months or more to become a face to face meeting. Even then, for me, that often means a cocktail vs. jumping in with both feet.

There are a number of active posters from your area in the forums. You may want to reach out in email and seek advice specific to the scene in Memphis.

Take a deep breath and don't let frustration rule the day.

Oh, and have fun. Not just when you meet people...Have it while you're on the journey, too.

BT

New Orleans LA
Username hidden
(8567 posts)
GoTo Page: 1 2 ... More 
Start   11 to 20 of 20 
TOPIC: Frustrated