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Frustrated : Swingers Discussion 212610
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TOPIC: Frustrated
Created by: Luvsalot The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Hang in there! Yes, there are many people on this site that don't know which way is up or where they are going. We have been doing this for many years and i would suggest going to a local swing club or joining local swing groups on SLS in your area.

You will be pleasantly suprised how much fun it is to meet live people in person! Good luck!

Columbus OH
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We're about where you are, JJfun. We've seen both sides: The "disappearing act" when you've exchanged a few encouraging emails or even phone conversations. We've also had the "immediate meeting" request when if you can't meet them tomorrow, they basically move on. Real life DOES get in the way, and while we like to meet couples within a decent period of time, everyone has other responsibilities that can get in the way.

We're doing the "meet and greet" approach. If a couple lives fairly close, we inform them of the next M&G and invite them to stop by. If that ever-elusive "chemistry" isn't there, no harm, no foul (and saves the costs of a dinner and drinks, too.). This also gives the other couple a chance to meet others with whom they "click". But it is quite frustrating dealing with the flakes here.

Tempe AZ
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We agree with the "vanilla life gets in the way" and we always try to make this known up front. We find that even with those who have tried to connect with us a long tome but haven't been able to understand when you communicate well upfront. Our play is designed for her to get pleasured. She is an attractive fit blonde and typically only enjoys fit men. She gets a LOT of requests. Some we just have to politely say "no match" others she is genuinely interested in but she can't do them all (although she wants to) because of vanilla life time constraints. We hate to string anyone along so we are upfront - "Yes she enjoys your requests and hopefully there will be a time to get together but busy for now. Stay in touch if you want and see if the timing is better. You do fit her preferences but, again, can't set anything up now". Most understand and now its their decision to check in again or move on.

Fayetteville NY
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I'm sure somebody has said this already, but I would seriously suggest going to a social or party. We have (miraculously) met with a few contacts from SLS... We have also been totally frozen out by potential playmates without any reason whatsoever. We recently attended our first party and it was amazing. Honestly, the only thing you have to worry about (after you find a playmate/s that you are both attracted to I guess lol) is how to approach them! It literally felt that easy compared to meeting people here lol! -T&A

Port Huron MI
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It is frustrating. However, I truly believe that vanilla life gets in the way. At least for us. We were supposed to meet up with a SM last weekend, female half ended up with a stomach bug. Then this weekend, my first grand baby was born; so had to cancel plans again. We are not flakes, but life gets in the way! We don't play during the week because of our work and exercise schedules. Next weekend one of us in on call for our job. We don't invite people that we don't know to our home. So, there you have it! There are probably fakes/flakes on here for sure. However, there are also real people with real lives outside of the LS. Not everyone can live the LS 24/7. Just sayin.......

Cocoa FL
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It sometimes seems as though the entire online swinging community consists of fakes or flakes, but that's not the case. There really Are 'real' people online. We've known several for many, many years. Unfortunately, the 'signal to noise ratio' is sometimes pretty bad and it can be difficult to uncover the ones who're for real.

Have you checked into any of the Groups in SLS? That's one good way of separating the fakes/flakes from the honest people. The fakes/flakes rarely join groups and those who do are quickly ejected when they are exposed as fakes/flakes. :-)


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We're seeing the same thing, we get plenty of mail but if we respond to set up a meeting, most flake out or don't even respond back. First noticed the change about six months ago but it's gotten worse lately. Before that we rarely had a problem setting up a meeting. It would be one thing if we were the ones contacting them, but they're contacting us. Maybe it's a just a different crop of swingers that want to chat and not meet... hope it's not the new normal!

Virginia Beach VA
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I'd suspect that the 'couples' you crossed paths with were either picture collectors (if they asked for and received pics of you), SM's masquerading as a cpl, a married man sneaking around on his wife, or someone getting kicks by pretending to be swingers but who will never actually meet or swing.


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Keep in mind the 4 P's of swinging... Pussy, Penis, Patience & Persistence: We're all looking for pussy or penis, you just gotta have the patience and persistence to find it.

Finding people to meet via the website is probably one of the more difficult ways to go about swinging, IMO. You're much better off looking around your area for some house parties so that you can get to know people in person. It won't take long for you to have gained enough experience to wade through the flakes and dbags online, but it will still be the most inefficient approach.

Kalona IA
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Your experience is within the range of normal.

For some people the chase and the flirt is more important than meeting. So they trade the emails, the pictures, but when it comes to meeting they are stop communication or always have excuses.

Sadly single women and even couples have turned out to be single guys pretending so as to feed their own fantasy ideas. These people never meet.

Just keep trying and be patient. Even when you start meeting people doesn't mean there will be chemistry. We also go by the normal line of emails, a few pictures then phone number and date. We aren't interested in long email relationships. We aren't interested in long "chat" conversations. Because 1st of all we are busy, second if there is that much to say lets do it face to face.

We got burned a few times when we 1st started this adventure and didn't have these rules. We chatted with a "single" girl for over a month. She always had an excuse for not calling on phone or meeting or using a webcam. We all flirted and it was exciting, but then the day came when she announced she had a new boyfriend, he was bisexual and he was ready to be on webcam with us and she would be there, but out of sight of the camera. ....damn we felt stupid at that moment.

Another "couple" we chatted with and emailed for a couple of weeks. One hour before the "date" we get the message that he's a student in college doing a research paper on swingers and his experiment was over he wasn't a couple.

So yes now we insist on trading numbers and meeting in short order. If someones not willing we move on.

Charles City VA
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TOPIC: Frustrated