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Frustation : Swingers Discussion 224243
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TOPIC: Frustation
Created by: decouple4f
Original Starting post for this thread:
We have been on here a few months now, and so far it has been pretty dismal. We came on with high expectations, and no clue, but have since lowered our expectations, and have learned a few things here and there. We have been to a club and liked it. At the club we talked with a few couples here and there, and they gave us some advice....

Now the problem is the wife, she is stuck on finding that "perfect" couple. She doesn't want an ongoing relationship with them, so I can't figure out what some of her hang ups are about. We talk constantly about the lifestyle, but I just can't wrap my head around some of her pickyness. For me I don't always look at the flaws of the other couple, I look at the positives, not her. The first thing she notices are the flaws.

She keeps saying she is extremely frustrated that it should not be this hard to find a couple for us, but I keep telling her about her hang ups. And yes I understand that there must be attraction.

Do any other couples have similar problems, or have had them in the past.

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We've been in the lifestyle for about 15 years now and have spoken with many, many people. This sounds like a classic case of wanting to be in the lifestyle without having to get into the pool and get wet. The talking and speculation and imagination are all that some people need. The "high standards" is just what they are using to mask their unwillingness to physically participate in the lifestyle.

Just our opinion. YMMV.

Bowie MD
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Depends on your 'end game'. We find that we have a lot more fun when full swap isn't the focus. Having a bi wife that's really into girls helps a lot, because we don't have to have 4-way attraction.

As long as the girls are attracted to each other, there's a very good chance we'll have some fun. And it's not nearly as difficult to find as the full thing.

We figure that while we're looking for couples to full swap with, which could take months, we'll have fun with the girl play with BYOG (Bang Your Own Girl) after.

Chesterfield VA
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Keeping it superficial, we play a game when out and about in the vanilla world, or LS world called squirrel. If either of us see a person that we think is sexy we call squirrel. It has evolved at times when we call squirrels for each other to see the reaction.

It really has surprised each of us at times what about someone pushed the "squirrel" button and makes for some interesting soulmate communication.

**disclaimer for those pita folks, squirrel is just a word please don't make more out of it then there is ;)

Buford GA
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It can be illuminating to have a candid conversation with your spouse as to what s/he finds attractive and would meet his/her standards for play and for friendship. Selective (aka "picky") sometimes arises from misconceptions about what is valued and what is sought.

Atlanta GA
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We are not looking for the perfect couple just one that we both like and can have fun with. Friendship is lasting.

Montezuma NM
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I, female half, can relate. Due to our ages, it is hard for me to be attracted to most older men! However, we have 2 couples that we enjoy spending time with in and out of bed. We also play with SMs. Maybe that is something you might try with her? She may be less picky, if a younger SM was involved. She could be jealous, or like a previous poster stated, not really want to follow through. Throw out the prospect of having a SM join you and see what her response is!

Cocoa FL
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Oh no, she does want to follow through, and does. With her personality... she would have never brought the subject up about swinging. And we have somewhat played at clubs. us and another couple we have known for 20 years played in the same room and other kinda joined in touching, then a women asked if she was bi- and my wife went down on her... then too many people came in the room and myself and my friend stopped the interaction.

Bear DE
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saying she wants to find the right couple and actually wanting it to happen are different. sounds like an excuse for her not to have to follow through.

Parsippany NJ
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Sorry for the double post, said webpage didn't load properly, and hit back button and resubmitted

Bear DE
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We have been on here a few months now, and so far it has been pretty dismal. We came on with high expectations, and no clue, but have since lowered our expectations, and have learned a few things here and there. We have been to a club and liked it. At the club we talked with a few couples here and there, and they gave us some advice....

Now the problem is the wife, she is stuck on finding that "perfect" couple. She doesn't want an ongoing relationship with them, so I can't figure out what some of her hang ups are about. We talk constantly about the lifestyle, but I just can't wrap my head around some of her pickyness. For me I don't always look at the flaws of the other couple, I look at the positives, not her. The first thing she notices are the flaws.

She keeps saying she is extremely frustrated that it should not be this hard to find a couple for us, but I keep telling her about her hang ups. And yes I understand that there must be attraction.

Do any other couples have similar problems, or have had them in the past.

Bear DE
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(25 posts)
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TOPIC: Frustation