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For the newbies : Swingers Discussion 37392
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TOPIC: For the newbies
Created by: curiouski The original post for this thread was deleted.
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My toughts are that there may have been some underlying problem(s) going on ( and you may or may not have known it )..but michelle and i firmly believe if you are in the lifstyle you better have your relationship AND comunication skills with your partner in order .

We do not believe swinging will not fix a realtionship!

rick and michelle

Ellenton FL
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nuro I think we are made or we woudl have been doing this all our lives.Back in the 70's we did not call this swinging.Hell it was just partying in our circles and something that was normal. Sorry to hear that you had a problem. Swingijng may have brought the problem to a head but there was a problem a long long time ago that needed to be attended to.So many take this way of life as a problem solver more then a problem maker when there is an existing problem. A few weeks ago I posted something similar to this, the difference was I asked how many have seen this kind of behavior, divorced couples , other couples hooking up wth other spouses. we personally have seen 10-12 in the last two years happen in our region. We were wodnering if it was due to the fact thta the majority of people move away from family and friends in this area or was this something that happens in all places.We were fortunate to see ahead with these couples and not have a long term relationship with them. we hope that we did not have anything to do with contributing to the problem. Some were able to fool us a couple of times we played, always by the 3rd time we knew pretty much what was going on with them. On one occassion it took a few months for us to figure out what was going on.Though in this relationship sex was not the only thing involved. We were at a bar and her and I were kicked out of the bar for laying to seriously! LOL. We went out back while he was with suzy , he then went outside for a fresh breah of air.When we came back with bouncers behind us,Suzy laughing hysterically at us. Suzy went looking for him while we waited in the foyer of this bar. After 15 minutes we went outside looking for them he immediately yelled her first middle and last name telling her to get her fucking ass right here and NOW . Thats when we saw whoa lets split and right now.He had no respect for her, and treated her like a child. I really do believe due to our first year of just watching actions and reactions it has allowed us to see what kind of behavior is acceptable to us and for us. I have the most fantastic,loving ,caring ,adoreable wife on the planet,lucky me. richie

Sarasota FL
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I'm sorry to hear that things went so wrong for you both, but I agree that it could be an opportunity. In fact, I'm told that the Chinese character for "crisis" is a combination of "danger" and "opportunity". Whether or not the divorce goes forward, or whatever the outcome of all this may be for you both, this is certainly a time to learn and grow. Perhaps a separation followed by some work will lead to reconcilliation, perhaps it won't. Perhaps being together is best, perhaps it's not. No one but the two of you can figure that all out, and the help of a qualified counselor or mediator could be just what you both need. The fact that you have kids together means that you have to work together through the process.

Best of luck to you both- you ALL- as you sort things through.

L.

Ithaca NY
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ya know this shouldn't only be for newbies...it can also happen if you've been in the lifestyle for a while too! just something to think about!

Carrollton GA
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Actually curious, it sounds almost like you have an opportunity to possibly save your marriage and your wife is giving you that means. You stated that she really wanted something you had denied her and that was yourself. (From personal experience) I know exactly what you mean by that. Take some time out for yourself to view what happened all over again but not from a husband's point of view but from that of a 3rd party. What I mean is put all your feelings out of sight for a little while and go back over in your mind what happened in your marriage that led up to all of this. Once you have figured out where you both went wrong (it does come from both sides not just one) you can figure out what needs to be fixed and if it can be fixed. Your wife is giving you the opportunity to do this (especially since she says she is not being intimate with the other couple). It might even take starting your relationship with her all over from the beginning. It might take a while before you can get back together if you are ever able to, but if nothing else, you two will definitely end up being closer than you were before whether you get back together or not. Zo.

Fort Worth TX
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Curioski, we wish you well !!

Center Valley PA
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TOPIC: For the newbies