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Etiquette : Swingers Discussion 210800
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TOPIC: Etiquette
Created by: jmmadison
Original Starting post for this thread:
Hi everyone...we are really new to this, and I'm wondering about a few things:

What is the best way to reach out to other couples, with similar interests in their profile, and get to know them? Is it okay to reach out via "chat" initially, or send them some mail? We do not want to seem pushy, but we are ready to meet new couples.

Also...is using "Hot Date" a reasonable way to start? Is that something better suited to folks that already have relationships on the site?

I think we are initially more the intimate, getting to know one couple at a time kinda of couple, but is a group easier to mingle with?

Thanks ahead of time!

-J and M

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JMM,

The profile looks much more inviting with the changes.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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JMM,

I am sorry you were offended by my post and what you take as scream (NEITHER) was not in fact scream but a very firm neither. The simplest explanation for that is that once you've contacted anyone and been ruled out due to lack of information//lack of photos etc you will never stand a chance again with them.....they will effectively rule you out. Why spoil your chances of meeting great people due to that you've provided nothing on which to base a favorable response? It makes no sense to me. If you found my post insulting rather than helpful I am sorry. Perhaps looking at your profile as a resume will help. Would you call (IM) a potential employer and asked to be hired , would you send them a note expressing interest in the job without first making sure you had a resume detailing your abilities before hand? In much the same way your profile gives the reader as chance to see if you "fit" the opening. If you've missed the point I was making and instead feel defensive I apologize again. My comment was not patronizing at all. I do believe most people are "very nice ", given the chance.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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Madison, I looked at your profile; and even though you weren't asking for advice there, I do agree at least in part, that at least one public photo would be good. It just gives folks something tangible to feel they're responding to.

Hot Date is pretty worthwhile. It sort of indicates you're serious; and you can do it from home, at your leisure, without dressing up and finding a block of hours for going out.

The chat (aka IM) feature may or may not work, for or between any 2 parties, at any given time. If they don't respond, it may not mean they're avoiding you.

With email, you can look in your Sent folder to see if the target profile has opened it yet. That's kind of nice.

Some of us don't feel like putting lots of sexy pics on. This draws fewer interested parties, but maybe that's how you want it. Good luck!

Flat Rock NC
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sweetjazbelle...thank you for the helpful post!

-J and M

Blue Mounds WI
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savandwin....

First let me thank you for the some of the advice you gave in your post, it’s in there and Michelle and I appreciate the things of value that you had to say. · We need a better profile with pictures (which I just posted), details, etc.

· Advice on emailing couple which point out why their profile was attractive and how we match up

Second, you didn’t ask, but I’ll go ahead give you some advice about your post. I know you didn’t ask, but for you to understand my critique. I was quite clear in my post that we are newbs to this, and that was obviously reflected in my forum post and our initial profile, which I admit is incomplete. Unfortunately, your approach to helping us was to: · Point out all the things we’ve done wrong so far, in a condescending and tedious way.

· Point out that seeking “mild” encounters, without more details as a negative. Couldn’t help but feel like you are taking your frustrations out on us for the behavior of other SLS couples. People who obviously have been insincere, couldn’t follow through, or downright disingenuous about posts and what their intentions are. Yes..the profile could help define this better, and we’ll work on that.

· Use capitalized words (why are you shouting?).

· “Implying” (in quotes? Really?) my wife isn’t on board with this life style based on one view of my profile and one forum post. For someone “not trying to offend”, that line immediately questions our integrity. We’ve looked that the site together(and others) and she suggested I search out some couples for us to meet..which is why I was asking advice in the first place! She’s excited to try something new as am I. She’s been working 12 hours shifts the last few weeks, and really hasn’t had the energy to look through the couple profiles…which is why I was doing it.

· You communicate all these things in such a negative way, then suggest we are “very nice people” when you don’t know anything about us? Condescending and a complete turn-off. So basically, I just wrote a good portion of our profile, with regard to a match: 1. “No negative people.”

2. “We are new to this, let’s start with dinner and drinks and get to know each other first, before jumping to conclusions about who we are based on a profile, or lack of details.”

3. “ No loud and angry people. If you regularly scream at your kids, or stop lights, or are quick to anger, you are not for us. Just chill out please and find another couple.”

4. “Please indicate whether you are so experienced in this lifestyle that you lack patience for couples who are new to it. You should probably stick to those folks(or forums) who know what they are doing all the time.”

Blue Mounds WI
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JMM,

I know you didn't ask for a profile review but for you to understand my answer to the question you ask you have to understand my reasoning.

Do you send and IM or an email ? NEITHER

When you send and IM or an email your profile it what they see/read to base any level on interest on. That being said your profile lacks even the most basic information on which to make a decision. For instance, I see you are new and have listed yourself as seeking "mild" play. What does that mean to you and your wife? I have no idea if you simply want to hang out, watch others play, make out or actually engage in sex. Moving further along you mention several times you will add more with your wife's help . Frankly the fact you've been here more than a few days and have yet to get her assistance is "implies" she really isn't on board or very interested in getting started. Add to that you have no photos to spark any sort of physical attraction . Now than back to why my answer is NEITHER . Once you IM or email someone you'd brought your profile to their attention. If they find nothing on which to base an opinion you will immediately be ruled out and most likely will never have a second chance.There is nothing in your profile to give me the slightest inkling into whether or not we have anything in common. Ask yourself what makes me want to contact a particular couple. Is it their photos? Something in their profile caught your eye? Surely you do not want to send emails to every single couple between the ages of 24 to 55 within a 100 mile radius who happen to like dancing and wine........see what I mean? Your profile needs to be one of 3 things ....preferably ALL 3 in order to capture attention and make people want to know more about you both. 1) Great photos 2) Informative 3) Engaging More specifically to your question . Many, myself include do not like random IM's from strangers and simply will not acknowledge them. Send an email first and introduce yourselves and express why you chose "them" to contact, what makes you think you'd be a good match etc. The ONLY exception to that rule is a profile that states directly "Feel free to IM anytime"

No offense intended at all, I am sure you are very nice people and I sincerely hope you understand what I am trying to say. The only thing worse than making no impression is making a bad first impression. Put some thought into your profile and when that is done "let the hunt begin" Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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Welcom to the forums. Clubs, Events that seem fun to you, begin talking and finding others at these you would like to spend more time with in the future.

Spring TX
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Hi everyone...we are really new to this, and I'm wondering about a few things:

What is the best way to reach out to other couples, with similar interests in their profile, and get to know them? Is it okay to reach out via "chat" initially, or send them some mail? We do not want to seem pushy, but we are ready to meet new couples.

Also...is using "Hot Date" a reasonable way to start? Is that something better suited to folks that already have relationships on the site?

I think we are initially more the intimate, getting to know one couple at a time kinda of couple, but is a group easier to mingle with?

Thanks ahead of time!

-J and M

Blue Mounds WI
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(5 posts)
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TOPIC: Etiquette