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End a relationship : Swingers Discussion 2050931011
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TOPIC: End a relationship
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We were playing with a couple that we really liked. Both attractive, sexy and fun. But he would have mood swings. Sometimes he's explode into an argument with his wife about something trivial. Once, he pulled the car over and just got out and started walking home(she took the wheel and left him there). We got tired of that kind of behavior pretty quick, even though they would apologize the next day. Then he got lippy with my wife because she arrived at his house 10minutes late(the girls were going to see a movie). Well, end of story. I told him that his 'tude was an issue. We moved on.

Redford MI
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Holy Crap......whatever happened to We're gonna move on good luck. Jeezzzz

Lynbrook NY
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This is a really hard part of the LS for us.

We've tried every possible permutation and nothing seems to be the perfect answer. We've tried total honesty, sugar-coated honesty, false reasons, and avoidance. Frankly we think each has its time and place. If a couple knows it's done and doesn't need reasons, then there's no need to beat them with honesty and your list of reasons. If they think everything's wonderful and aren't ready to listen to the truth yet, then there's also no point in total honesty since they won;t be able to hear it. If you have a true friendship then honesty is totally the right way to go.

Losts of good advice in this thread, but ultimately you guys are the only ones in a place to judge your level of friendship and their receptiveness to hearing how you feel. In most cases it really is just about ending things in a way that creates the least drama. With mature, good friends honesty doesn't create drama. Unfortunately but understandably we've found this whole thing to often be very emotional for people - including from time to time ourselves - in which case the drama that can come from honesty just isn't worth it.

Best wishes :)


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Friends:

The good advice here as stated about 3 times already is to tell the truth. But it's how you tell that truthe that matters.

There are folks on here that are looking for poly-love. They want loving and committed relationships with multiple people. You don't want that. You want one commited relationship and then controlled predictable, safe encounters... That is what I think most people want on here. (Sport sex... no attachment. Go your own way afterwards)

It's not that the polyamorous is wrong. It's just not for everyone.

Tell them as you stated that you don't want what they want. But keep in mind, they will hang on for dear life hoping to turn you in time to their way. Be firm and nice at the same time. If needed, tell them about another couple you are about to or just fucked... That may send them off!!!!

Don't let them turn into stalkers!

Greenville SC
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I would simply explain to the that the reason you both got into swinging is variety not to establish a relationship or have a second primary play partner. Tell them that although you enjoy their company and of course the sex with them you rather keep some distance between your personal life and your playing lifestyle and feel that the current situation is crossing the line you want to maintain between the 2. One can only hope they understand, if not OH WELL. Offer no further explanation, do not be baited into giving specifics or isolating certain things. If they are people you are going to run into every time you go to an event I'd do this by phone. If they are a bit away and not a part of your immediate circle I'd send an email. In any event be prepared for some backlash but hold true to your stance, be calm, let them vent and let it GO.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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I agree with you, it's like some swingers are emotional cripples. WHY?

Tell the truth, nothing better than the truth.

Rumson NJ
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We should all be adults here. Just tell them the truth. Sometimes I think swingers are emotionally teenagers.

White Hse Sta NJ
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Valid points and thought-provoking. Sort of going through that, not necessarily with a "fuck" friend, per se, but a couple we met through SLS all the same. Did it mostly through emails, but some of what I wrote was, of course, lost in translation. As it almost always is in email form.

That's ok. I've since noticed I'm now blocked, so that answers a lot of unanswered questions for me. So, I have no regrets.

We went through something similar with a couple we met, and the lady was a bit obsessive towards me, actually, the female. love letters, visits, gifts, too familiar, and wanted exclusivity. I just wanted to play with girls:) So, my husband played the bad guy and told her we couldn't be friends anymore. She accused him of not letting me be my true self...hahaha. Wow. So, I think when people get very defensive, and say off the wall things because you need to end the friendship, for whatever reason, you have a pretty good indication that you did the right thing.

As for letters, calls, emails, in person...what is the method you usually communicate with this couple? If you text a lot, maybe that would work. Be prepared for a lot of backlash, depending on the maturity level of the couple. Use a lot of I/We statements. "We feel that we are not on the same page anymore," etc. instead of "You guys want more than we want." Don't leave openings for defensiveness.

I learn from my mistakes with that one. That's why sometimes it's easier for me to write than it is to speak out loud.

Good luck with this. It's very appropriate for me today, as this was something that just finally came to a head, and not in the fun sexy way. Do whatever you need to do. People do come and go in swinging, and some become nice memories, some remain friends, some have physical distance that separates them, and some just have something that changes, and can't go back to whatever it was before the change.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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Welcome to the forums. You guys have been members for a while but this is your first post, so I (Mr. JM) understand that you are serious about this issue.

How you break-up with them depends on how your lives will go forward. It's much like when you were single and breaking up with an individual. Were you going to have to see her everyday at work? Is she your sister's best friend, etc... ? Are you going to run into them at parties, at work at other events and places?

People always say they want to know why somebody ditches them. Even though they say that, I don't think it's true. Because the real truth usually does hurt. And nobody wants to tell somebody why they don't want to see them.

So before I offer my best advice to you, I have to ask a question... Why are you breaking it off with them? The answer to that question will lead us to how to break it off.

Mr. JackMichelle

Greenville SC
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So, you have a long term couple that you have decided not to see any more. Do you:

1. Not contact them and ignore any contact from them. 2. Not contact them, but respond to their requests but always tell them that you are busy and can't meet them. 3. Send them an email ending the relationship. 4. Set them down and give them the news face to face

???

It isn't easy saying goodbye, but sometimes it is the right thing to do.

Colorado Springs CO
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TOPIC: End a relationship