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TOPIC: Couples_who_are_pushy
Created by: 1HotTopic The original post for this thread was deleted.
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what has happened to us several times is that we've developed a friendship with the couple and decided that the chemistry as friends was stronger than the chemistry as playmates, so we told them exactly that. you know how when you used to date and you met someone who you became such good friends with, you didn't want sex to get in the way of friendship? same thing happens swinging.

they were really glad that we were honest and we are STILL friends! it's hard to say but once it's out your life gets MUCH easier- the angst disappears and they can go off and pursue other people.

ciao!

Xandria

Sterling VA
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I'm not understanding what going to the swing club has to do with the problem. You can easily play with your friends at the swing club. We happen to only play at swing clubs (or large private parties) and never at our house. If there was a couple we found attractive and they cornered us as soon as we walked in to the club telling us they wanted to play with us - we would be thrilled about them being so honest and up front about it. We then would get the party started early and take them back to the play room and start having fun immediately.

Gresham OR
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Things just don't "happen" in swinging. If people want to play they make it happen by ASKING another couple to play. People don't have time to waste in an evening "hoping" another couple will eventually play with them. You ask and find out... if not you move on to the next couple and don't waste your time to find out later in the evening it wasn't going to evolve to "happen". Telling people you want a raincheck means the next time you see them and you are free..... you are going to play with them. That IS the intent. Since you are continuing to put them off.... then you don't want to play with them that badly. Let's be honest here.... had you really wanted to play with them - you would have and the fact that you keep stalling them just means you don't know how to tell them you don't want to play. It sounds like you need to be honest with yourselves.....and the other couple. If you want to play with them....set up a date and play with them...if not - then tell them you have changed your mind and you don't think the chemistry is right and just want to be friends.

Gresham OR
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We are relatively new to swinging, but we have learned a few things. Don't want to be judgemental, and please don't take it that way, but it sounds like the two of you need some space to figure out how you feel about the other couple. That's OK - in fact it's a good thing. The other couple should get the hint.

Even when a couple says "absolutely yes, let's get together", if we are the other couple in the situation you describe, after a few attempts with no success, the ball goes into your court. If we are going to get together, it will have to be the two of you who initiates it. Life is too short to go any other way.

San Luis Obispo CA
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I have to agree with setxcpl. It sounds like you sent them one message (we want to play with you but can't tonight so can we have a rain check?) and meant something else (we aren't interested in playing with you.) No wonder they are confused and want to keep offering you that rain check.

Are you experienced swingers or inexperienced? If you are waiting for something to "just happen" with another couple, 9 times out of 10 it won't. When one swinging couple meets another and they have a mutual interest, if they don't play that same evening then they MAKE a date to get together to play next time.

If you wait for things to "just happen," you probably won't be swinging very long. "Just happening" is common at a club or a private swing party when you meet people you've never met before, but even then it's pretty uncommon that the FOUR of you will all click. Usually you and your partner will just freelance so that something CAN "just happen" for each of you.

I could be way off base, but it sure sounds like you are very inexperienced and still fantasizing about one ideal couple that things "just happen" with.

You could wait forever for that to happen. I suggest if you want to swing with a couple, just call or email them and set a date to get together for the purpose of swinging.

Jim

Culpeper VA
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First, please let me say from seeing you two in your profile, the are anxious (and how hot you two look can you blame them). In all seriousness though, honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. If they are truly interested in you two, they will not take offense to the way you feel and will wait until you two are ready, if you ever are with them. I am glad we have not hit this circumstance in the past four years, but if so, I would be open and honest about the way you feel.

Jan

Jennerstown PA
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Go ahead and explain yourself honestly. If they take it the wrong way, maybe they aren't the kind of people you would be interested in. Honesty always works and keeps awkward moments from happening in the future.

-s

Rochester NY
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TOPIC: Couples who are pushy
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