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TOPIC: Boundaries
Created by: chocolatelegs69
Original Starting post for this thread:
In this lifestyle, isn't it best for COUPLES to set boundaries/rules between the two of them as to how they play? When those boundaries are set, they should remain in place unless otherwise discussed...for example if both parties are not in agreement, his birthday, her birthday, the second coming, etc is not a reason for either person in the relationship to stray from the boundaries.

I recently became a part of a couple. We talked in length about when we wanted to bring other couples or single women into our relationship. We set boundaries.

Because it was his birthday, did that give him the right to do something we both were against when we set our boundaries, without discussing it with me first? I am at a crossroads. Do I continue with the relationship even though I feel extremely disrespected (especially since I have respected ALL of his wishes), or do I get out early to avoid further turmoil?

Thanks for reading.

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Well, you both took the time to set the limits... just because it was his "birthday" does not give him the right to have a free pass! In my opinion there is no excuse, it would be over... period!

Sorry you had to have that happen to you. That is the problem when ppl have sudden, or pre set hidden agendas.

Mrs.~

Milwaukee WI
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Totally agree, Lost. I don't get over it when it is malicious. I can get over the accidental ones but even those can take some time.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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yeah, when boundaries are breached maliciously...and I think thats the big key...whether or not it was a true mistake in judgement or a knowingly malicious breach (and this sounds like he knew what he was doing, it was his bday after all....)... that makes the difference. We all error, I have...Jay has...but it was never done on purpose. To me, that is the key in it.


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Thanks, Carrie...I hear ya!

Atlanta GA
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If it were me, I would be saying "Next!"

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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Thanks AprilTom2007 and AkronFunTimes for taking the time to advise me with this issue. It's greatly appreciated.

@AkronFunTimes, your thoughts were exactly the first thoughts that came to my mind when this happened. I thought it was extremely selfish of him to do the things he did and expect me to accept it b/c of his birthday. Exactly.

Atlanta GA
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Lost_j1, Mrs. Sav, and Kat,

Thanks so much for your replies. You all have helped me to open my eyes and see the situation from a very clear perspective. I was very used to playing as a single woman and NEVER had any drama. Once I became a part of a couple, things did get crazy. I do plan to step back and evaluate the situation without actually playing...as I am sure this will help immensely. Again, thanks for taking the time to help this newbie out!

Hugs!!

Atlanta GA
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chocolate...sorry to hear about your situation. I know how that sucks. I can tell you though, noone can really tell you what to do, only you can make that decision. I do not know you and I do not know him...do not know the situation, etc. I cannot give sound advice or dare say something crazy like "leave him" when I do now know what I am talking about. I would suggest you step back from swinging immediately....and do lots of introspection and thinking. Its up to you, each person has their own threshold on what they are or aren't willing to accept :0).


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Hello Chocolate,

As I understand it , you both were swingers previously and than got together as a couple. I'm not sure how long you've been a "couple" but my suggestion to you and any "newer Couple" would be to slow down on the play thing until such a time that your trust and commitment to each other is strong. Trust is a HUGE part of swinging and until you really know each other, trust each other, respect each other and want what is best for each other swinging probably is going to cause problems. Now you might have believed that your relationship carried all those traits but at the moment that belief has been shaken. Take a step back and concentrate on whats good for YOU right now and let the rest fall where it may.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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@2DarkEyes...thanks for the good advice. I guess I was venting, but the question is the most important thing. I really don't know how to move forward with this situation just yet. I think respect is the most important thing in this lifestyle, and he kind shot that down with what he did.

Atlanta GA
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TOPIC: Boundaries