Boundaries: Swingers Discussion 187166

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TOPIC: Boundaries

Created by: chocolatelegs69 Original Starting post for this thread:
In this lifestyle, isn't it best for COUPLES to set boundaries/rules between the two of them as to how they play? When those boundaries are set, they should remain in place unless otherwise discussed...for example if both parties are not in agreement, his birthday, her birthday, the second coming, etc is not a reason for either person in the relationship to stray from the boundaries. I recently became a part of a couple. We talked in length about when we wanted to bring other couples or single women into our relationship. We set boundaries. Because it was his birthday, did that give him the right to do something we both were against when we set our boundaries, without discussing it with me first? I am at a crossroads. Do I continue with the relationship even though I feel extremely disrespected (especially since I have respected ALL of his wishes), or do I get out early to avoid further turmoil? Thanks for reading.

Created by: chocolatelegs69
Original Starting post for this thread:

In this lifestyle, isn't it best for COUPLES to set boundaries/rules between the two of them as to how they play?  When those boundaries are set, they should remain in place unless otherwise discussed...for example if both parties are not in agreement, his birthday, her birthday, the second coming, etc is not a reason for either person in the relationship to stray from the boundaries.  

I recently became a part of a couple. We talked in length about when we wanted to bring other couples or single women into our relationship. We set boundaries. 

Because it was his birthday, did that give him the right to do something we both were against when we set our boundaries, without discussing it with me first? I am at a crossroads. Do I continue with the relationship even though I feel extremely disrespected (especially since I have respected ALL of his wishes), or do I get out early to avoid further turmoil?

Thanks for reading.

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User Details are only visible to members.	Well, you both took the time to set the limits... just because it was his "birthday" does not give him the right to have a free pass! In my opinion there is no excuse, it would be over... period! Sorry you had to have that happen to you. That is the problem when ppl have sudden, or pre set hidden agendas. Mrs.~
Milwaukee WI			Username hidden (21 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Totally agree, Lost. I don't get over it when it is malicious. I can get over the accidental ones but even those can take some time. Carrie
Corpus Christi TX			Username hidden (16494 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	yeah, when boundaries are breached maliciously...and I think thats the big key...whether or not it was a true mistake in judgement or a knowingly malicious breach (and this sounds like he knew what he was doing, it was his bday after all....)... that makes the difference. We all error, I have...Jay has...but it was never done on purpose. To me, that is the key in it.
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23612 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thanks, Carrie...I hear ya!
Atlanta GA			Username hidden (5 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	If it were me, I would be saying "Next!" Carrie
Corpus Christi TX			Username hidden (16494 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thanks AprilTom2007 and AkronFunTimes for taking the time to advise me with this issue. It's greatly appreciated. @AkronFunTimes, your thoughts were exactly the first thoughts that came to my mind when this happened. I thought it was extremely selfish of him to do the things he did and expect me to accept it b/c of his birthday. Exactly.
Atlanta GA			Username hidden (5 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Lost_j1, Mrs. Sav, and Kat, Thanks so much for your replies. You all have helped me to open my eyes and see the situation from a very clear perspective. I was very used to playing as a single woman and NEVER had any drama. Once I became a part of a couple, things did get crazy. I do plan to step back and evaluate the situation without actually playing...as I am sure this will help immensely. Again, thanks for taking the time to help this newbie out! Hugs!!
Atlanta GA			Username hidden (5 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	chocolate...sorry to hear about your situation. I know how that sucks. I can tell you though, noone can really tell you what to do, only you can make that decision. I do not know you and I do not know him...do not know the situation, etc. I cannot give sound advice or dare say something crazy like "leave him" when I do now know what I am talking about. I would suggest you step back from swinging immediately....and do lots of introspection and thinking. Its up to you, each person has their own threshold on what they are or aren't willing to accept :0).
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23612 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Hello Chocolate, As I understand it , you both were swingers previously and than got together as a couple. I'm not sure how long you've been a "couple" but my suggestion to you and any "newer Couple" would be to slow down on the play thing until such a time that your trust and commitment to each other is strong. Trust is a HUGE part of swinging and until you really know each other, trust each other, respect each other and want what is best for each other swinging probably is going to cause problems. Now you might have believed that your relationship carried all those traits but at the moment that belief has been shaken. Take a step back and concentrate on whats good for YOU right now and let the rest fall where it may. Mrs Sav
Weaver AL			Username hidden (4001 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Hi Chocolate, This must have been so difficult for you ~~ sorry! I'm sure you felt you covered your bases....went over boundaries. To me, along with respect, comes TRUST. If you don't have TRUST with your partner, playing is out. Not fair to you or the other couple (no one wants drama). You said this is a new relationship, right? You've both been playing as singles for a while...I'm sure it must be tough adjusting to couple mode (trying to give him the benefit of the doubt). I guess that's the conversation I would have with him. Would love to hear from others in the LS who played as a single and then became a couple in the LS and how it worked...anyone? Kat
Morgantown PA			Username hidden (2965 post)

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TOPIC: Boundaries